i'm not dead, yet ... roit!
thanks to all my buds (& bud-ettes) here who wished me well today ... i shall persist in telling myself i'm not just older, i'm better ... ;)
i'm sure if one where to bisect my trunk, i'd have yet-another ring ... (let's hope lorena bobbit's not reading ...)
i have tried to establish a tradition of giving, not just getting, on one's cumpleanos ... in that spirit, i'd like to say a few things about and to some friends here who have been on my mind and heart ...
one friend here is married but she's soon not to be so ... the nasty business surrounding divorce is often choreographed to tear at the very soul of many people involved ... and so often, that weaponry can leave the targets feeling less-than-valued and made to feel the brunt of guilt feelings, to feel undeserving of love, perhaps ever again ...
- that is 99% crap! don't lose hope, nor belief in yourself! you have to be your own ally for awhile now ... do that well. avoid the temptation to put others, especially your young ones, in the middle. although hopefully your self-esteem is becoming detangled from his, remember that theirs may yet be so for many years to come. *someday*, they will be forever glad that you're with them still, and perhaps that he's not ... but don't try to force that realization. just love them...
another pair of dear friends, a wife and mother / a husband and father, are struggling w/ a young one who is starting to stray from the wishes that they have ... this young one of so great promise is beginning to make choices, some of which are very short-sighted and self-limiting, not just now but perhaps long into her future ...
- that is *so* tough to watch ... you've invested so much for so long and feel it's unfair to be rewarded with such a response from one so loved and wanted ...
- perhaps, a 'friend' is involved, one who represents the elusive and usually false myth that, somehow, s/he is a youthful oracle of wisdom and that somehow your parental feelings are trite, out-of-touch, etc. with current reality ...
- don't be bated into 'proving' those young friends' incorrect characterizations of your parenting ... i say 'proving' in quotes since you do *really* care, but perhaps rash reactions and heavy-handedness can be argued (especially by young, incomplete minds) into such 'proof'.
- increase your love and concern, don't withdraw it. talk more, not less. prove your true friendship *and* love ... the long-term, you'll-always-be-my-daughter kind ...
- the effort will be the best thing you can do now, and has the added benefit of being a gesture that will live forever within your relationship ... we each have to (or rather should wish to) establish true mature friendships with our young ones as they become adults ...
finally, a dear sweet distant amiga has expressed feelings regarding the loss of a beloved sibling to serious illness ... a loss which left behind tender little ones ... feelings sometime lead to ask the 'why' question ... why him? why us?
- as you know, querida, i truly understand these feelings ... as one who heard his beloved's last words spoken in his arms ... whose last breaths were drawn therein ... who held her until she became cold and day dawned, truly beginning a new 'day' ... one that was never truly as good perhaps as those before ...
- i can tell you, in all the soberness i possess, that these things expand us ... although the feelings of why and how to go on are never left completely behind, i can tell you that the uncontrollable sobs *can* turn eventually one-by-each into deep sighs of appreciation for what was and what became of that life so ended ... as we see more clearly, we come to ask a much different 'why' question: 'why are we so blessed to have known him or her?' and 'how': 'how can we contribute to complete what he or she began?' thereby, we come to know, and truly fulfil the love that was begun (at least within that life) and to appreciate what was given us, not for what was taken.
- our capacity to feel is as muscle ... sometimes, growth really hurts, but as they say: 'no pain, no gain' ...
- someday, we may approach an ultimate capacity, to comprehend more fully, the love we have been shown by *all* those before us, whose contribution to us was just as special, just as heartfelt in its day and place ... and how that love now present around us can be felt and dealt into the present and future ... by *us*, in our time and place.
how much are we loved? a prerequisite is: how much do *we* love?
i'm sure if one where to bisect my trunk, i'd have yet-another ring ... (let's hope lorena bobbit's not reading ...)
i have tried to establish a tradition of giving, not just getting, on one's cumpleanos ... in that spirit, i'd like to say a few things about and to some friends here who have been on my mind and heart ...
one friend here is married but she's soon not to be so ... the nasty business surrounding divorce is often choreographed to tear at the very soul of many people involved ... and so often, that weaponry can leave the targets feeling less-than-valued and made to feel the brunt of guilt feelings, to feel undeserving of love, perhaps ever again ...
- that is 99% crap! don't lose hope, nor belief in yourself! you have to be your own ally for awhile now ... do that well. avoid the temptation to put others, especially your young ones, in the middle. although hopefully your self-esteem is becoming detangled from his, remember that theirs may yet be so for many years to come. *someday*, they will be forever glad that you're with them still, and perhaps that he's not ... but don't try to force that realization. just love them...
another pair of dear friends, a wife and mother / a husband and father, are struggling w/ a young one who is starting to stray from the wishes that they have ... this young one of so great promise is beginning to make choices, some of which are very short-sighted and self-limiting, not just now but perhaps long into her future ...
- that is *so* tough to watch ... you've invested so much for so long and feel it's unfair to be rewarded with such a response from one so loved and wanted ...
- perhaps, a 'friend' is involved, one who represents the elusive and usually false myth that, somehow, s/he is a youthful oracle of wisdom and that somehow your parental feelings are trite, out-of-touch, etc. with current reality ...
- don't be bated into 'proving' those young friends' incorrect characterizations of your parenting ... i say 'proving' in quotes since you do *really* care, but perhaps rash reactions and heavy-handedness can be argued (especially by young, incomplete minds) into such 'proof'.
- increase your love and concern, don't withdraw it. talk more, not less. prove your true friendship *and* love ... the long-term, you'll-always-be-my-daughter kind ...
- the effort will be the best thing you can do now, and has the added benefit of being a gesture that will live forever within your relationship ... we each have to (or rather should wish to) establish true mature friendships with our young ones as they become adults ...
finally, a dear sweet distant amiga has expressed feelings regarding the loss of a beloved sibling to serious illness ... a loss which left behind tender little ones ... feelings sometime lead to ask the 'why' question ... why him? why us?
- as you know, querida, i truly understand these feelings ... as one who heard his beloved's last words spoken in his arms ... whose last breaths were drawn therein ... who held her until she became cold and day dawned, truly beginning a new 'day' ... one that was never truly as good perhaps as those before ...
- i can tell you, in all the soberness i possess, that these things expand us ... although the feelings of why and how to go on are never left completely behind, i can tell you that the uncontrollable sobs *can* turn eventually one-by-each into deep sighs of appreciation for what was and what became of that life so ended ... as we see more clearly, we come to ask a much different 'why' question: 'why are we so blessed to have known him or her?' and 'how': 'how can we contribute to complete what he or she began?' thereby, we come to know, and truly fulfil the love that was begun (at least within that life) and to appreciate what was given us, not for what was taken.
- our capacity to feel is as muscle ... sometimes, growth really hurts, but as they say: 'no pain, no gain' ...
- someday, we may approach an ultimate capacity, to comprehend more fully, the love we have been shown by *all* those before us, whose contribution to us was just as special, just as heartfelt in its day and place ... and how that love now present around us can be felt and dealt into the present and future ... by *us*, in our time and place.
how much are we loved? a prerequisite is: how much do *we* love?