(no subject)
Mantra# 222
Color: Blue Menagerie
Quote: "The question should be, is it worth trying to do, not can it be done." Allard Lowenstein
Word: crux - anything that is very puzzling or difficult to explain or solve.
Made an awesome new friend at work. She's amazing. I <3 her so much and feel a bit more comfortable there. I also did somethigns right!!! Well, let's hope. Apparently the boss needs to talk to me and called my friend who helped me get the job. And by call i mean called after 11pm. So yea.
Anywho, i need to rant for a moment one what i feel as being .... my disgustingness. i feel gros, unattractive, and like a million pounds heavier. Granted, i haven't been working out. Need the money to be able to pay for my gym fees. But i'm not eating incridbily horrible. But its not even that. For some reason there is this chasm in my brain. The above is how i feel, however, apparently people find me attractive. Most of my relationships - no all, the people have found me attractive. Today, at the Wawa, two men leared at me. Granted, one was a lil freaky looking, and the other was looking a lil shabby. Not really my types. I also just noticed, as well, that on my one non-aim instant messenger, i have 18 people who have "hot listed" me.
So whats my malfunction. Why can't i see what other people see? Is something wrong with my vision? My neural cortex? WTF mate. There are times when i get a glimmer. I'll wake up and get ready for work, and be like "i like the way i look ... mmmmhmmmmmm." But the rest of my existence, its all crap. Is this all just a mental mind f**k? Or will losing weight even solve anything? gah. i hate personal image. Thank gawd they did not make it a boy scout merit badge.
Color: Blue Menagerie
Quote: "The question should be, is it worth trying to do, not can it be done." Allard Lowenstein
Word: crux - anything that is very puzzling or difficult to explain or solve.
Made an awesome new friend at work. She's amazing. I <3 her so much and feel a bit more comfortable there. I also did somethigns right!!! Well, let's hope. Apparently the boss needs to talk to me and called my friend who helped me get the job. And by call i mean called after 11pm. So yea.
Anywho, i need to rant for a moment one what i feel as being .... my disgustingness. i feel gros, unattractive, and like a million pounds heavier. Granted, i haven't been working out. Need the money to be able to pay for my gym fees. But i'm not eating incridbily horrible. But its not even that. For some reason there is this chasm in my brain. The above is how i feel, however, apparently people find me attractive. Most of my relationships - no all, the people have found me attractive. Today, at the Wawa, two men leared at me. Granted, one was a lil freaky looking, and the other was looking a lil shabby. Not really my types. I also just noticed, as well, that on my one non-aim instant messenger, i have 18 people who have "hot listed" me.
So whats my malfunction. Why can't i see what other people see? Is something wrong with my vision? My neural cortex? WTF mate. There are times when i get a glimmer. I'll wake up and get ready for work, and be like "i like the way i look ... mmmmhmmmmmm." But the rest of my existence, its all crap. Is this all just a mental mind f**k? Or will losing weight even solve anything? gah. i hate personal image. Thank gawd they did not make it a boy scout merit badge.