Yeah yeah yeah... I'm an absent girl
... but if I don't write about it, it didn't happen right?
I'm ready to go home. In theory. But now that it's so close I don't want to go. This I can say without a doubt. When I'm playing the zither I think, "maybe I can stay for an extra month and do NOTHING but practice the zither." I really want to learn properly. It makes me sad.
I'm finally picking up Chinese. I can still understand more that is said to me than I can communicate back, but it's the first hurdle, and I want to leap and bound towards success.
I'm learning Tai Chi and I'm loving it. I like it enough that I get out of bed willingly at 5:45 most mornings to learn some more. Sigh. Where will I go at home?
I want to be a math teacher. I love teaching math. Granted, it's to first and second graders and they make my life worth living some days...I like math. Math... HAS answers. It HAS certainties. I'm SO TIRED of saying...well there is more than one way. Yes, that's one way but you can do this...or this.. or this... HOW did any of us manage to grapple towards coherency with this bullshit language? NO WONDER there is such a big part of English-speaking countries that don't actually speak the language correctly. Math. That's universal. Like Music. And BEAUTIFUL. Like a work of art. This coming from Ms. Liberal Arts Psych/Soc girl is shocking to say the least. Ms. "But there is grey area!" FUCK GREY AREA. SOMETIMES I want things to be right. OR WRONG. Half points are bullshit. It's like... you're wrong, but here's a door prize for your ignorance. Thanks for playing.
I'm SERIOUSLY considering taking three college level math classes JUST to be eligible to teach math in the New York Fellows program. I've also asked one of my friends to consider this because he needs to do it. I know it would be good for him, and then I would have someone to live with in the Bronx. I don't even think my mother would object in the Bronx. If he does apply, he'll get it. And he should. He'd rule. I hope that we can do this together, though I think it's REALLY odd to think about a) living with him as he's an ex and b) living with him cause he's a guy and c) living with him cause I've seen him face to face ONCE in the past four year. Score.
I find it BEYOND interesting that after a year of internal turmoil and trying to figure out what the HELL I'm going to do with my life I've managed some sort of oval/spiral and am really close to the original plan. I'm so amused I'm going to show you the spiral:
1. Before leaving for China the plan was to come back and apply for Teach for America/Teaching Fellows OR this very specific program at Berkley that I'm not going to try to explain to you right now. I was interested in teaching english or ESL.
2. Then I was like... mehhhh.... NOPE. I had this brief thought that I should take some real time trying my hand as a writer, but then I realized that anything worth writing about I would be too sensitive to allow anyone else to read.
3. Considered the idea that I should find something in counseling... not quite psych, but something related.
4. Suddenly realized NO! I should teach English in a high school. Because I'd be good at that.
4b. I really wanted to teach in the international circuit but I would need about four years experience. It was the beginning of a long term destination.
5. Cut to starting to teach little babies... aww... no... I just realized that I think I want to be a preschool or kindergarten teacher. They like me more anyways and I always thought I would dislike it or get bored, but it's amazing and very rewarding.
6. Let's think again...YES I think I REALLY have it. I'll SUB for a year and get some experience and shit like that, but then I'll go abroad again... to Italy or France. I think is the real plan.
And it was... until...
7. I applied to be an admissions counselor at Augustana College. I kind of hope in that I won't get it cause I'd probably have to/feel obligated to stay for two or three years, and then I can't move away.
8. Started looking at Teaching Fellows again and see how much they need math teachers. I'm not qualified... yet. But I REALLY like teaching math. And I want to move to New York. But when? This is all so confusing. I hate having too much time to friggin' think.
See the spiral? Good.
So I was tagged for 10 weird habits/things about yourself.... as usual I don't want to tag anyone but I would be curious to know what SAS, Kelly, Marcos, and Becky consider their weird habits. Just off the top of my head.
1. Annoying: I think TOO much. I give myself headaches. That's just wrong.
2. I say the same prayer every single night, despite the fact that I haven't been a strong Christian in any sense of the word for years.
3. I find eating food with my fingers more filling than with a fork. Close behind would be chopstick, which is actually a shovel in disguise.
4. I refuse to drink my boiled water anymore. REFUSE. HOWEVER I have been known to drink spoilt milk on occasion.
5. Disturbing: I flirt with other people's boyfriends. And I don't even mean to. I lose. Luckily I know I would never do anything, and so does EVERYONE else. bah.
6. I avoid updating my journal when I have something to say because I don't want people to read overly emotional writing.
7. I alphabetize my cd's and DVD's... blame the library.
8. The idea that Stephanie would even CONSIDER watching P&P without me makes me want to cry. It's something that I hold very close to me... and I can't explain why.
9. I took too much for granted and I find that now I don't take much for granted, but most of the time the things that cause me to pause and be grateful are stupid. This is odd. For example... the taste of non-china butter. EASY to find... still rejoice that I have it. I'm a nerd.
10. I get annoyed that other people are living there lives at a pace that boggles my mind now. SLOW DOWN please!
Sorry. I'll stop now.
More later?
I'm ready to go home. In theory. But now that it's so close I don't want to go. This I can say without a doubt. When I'm playing the zither I think, "maybe I can stay for an extra month and do NOTHING but practice the zither." I really want to learn properly. It makes me sad.
I'm finally picking up Chinese. I can still understand more that is said to me than I can communicate back, but it's the first hurdle, and I want to leap and bound towards success.
I'm learning Tai Chi and I'm loving it. I like it enough that I get out of bed willingly at 5:45 most mornings to learn some more. Sigh. Where will I go at home?
I want to be a math teacher. I love teaching math. Granted, it's to first and second graders and they make my life worth living some days...I like math. Math... HAS answers. It HAS certainties. I'm SO TIRED of saying...well there is more than one way. Yes, that's one way but you can do this...or this.. or this... HOW did any of us manage to grapple towards coherency with this bullshit language? NO WONDER there is such a big part of English-speaking countries that don't actually speak the language correctly. Math. That's universal. Like Music. And BEAUTIFUL. Like a work of art. This coming from Ms. Liberal Arts Psych/Soc girl is shocking to say the least. Ms. "But there is grey area!" FUCK GREY AREA. SOMETIMES I want things to be right. OR WRONG. Half points are bullshit. It's like... you're wrong, but here's a door prize for your ignorance. Thanks for playing.
I'm SERIOUSLY considering taking three college level math classes JUST to be eligible to teach math in the New York Fellows program. I've also asked one of my friends to consider this because he needs to do it. I know it would be good for him, and then I would have someone to live with in the Bronx. I don't even think my mother would object in the Bronx. If he does apply, he'll get it. And he should. He'd rule. I hope that we can do this together, though I think it's REALLY odd to think about a) living with him as he's an ex and b) living with him cause he's a guy and c) living with him cause I've seen him face to face ONCE in the past four year. Score.
I find it BEYOND interesting that after a year of internal turmoil and trying to figure out what the HELL I'm going to do with my life I've managed some sort of oval/spiral and am really close to the original plan. I'm so amused I'm going to show you the spiral:
1. Before leaving for China the plan was to come back and apply for Teach for America/Teaching Fellows OR this very specific program at Berkley that I'm not going to try to explain to you right now. I was interested in teaching english or ESL.
2. Then I was like... mehhhh.... NOPE. I had this brief thought that I should take some real time trying my hand as a writer, but then I realized that anything worth writing about I would be too sensitive to allow anyone else to read.
3. Considered the idea that I should find something in counseling... not quite psych, but something related.
4. Suddenly realized NO! I should teach English in a high school. Because I'd be good at that.
4b. I really wanted to teach in the international circuit but I would need about four years experience. It was the beginning of a long term destination.
5. Cut to starting to teach little babies... aww... no... I just realized that I think I want to be a preschool or kindergarten teacher. They like me more anyways and I always thought I would dislike it or get bored, but it's amazing and very rewarding.
6. Let's think again...YES I think I REALLY have it. I'll SUB for a year and get some experience and shit like that, but then I'll go abroad again... to Italy or France. I think is the real plan.
And it was... until...
7. I applied to be an admissions counselor at Augustana College. I kind of hope in that I won't get it cause I'd probably have to/feel obligated to stay for two or three years, and then I can't move away.
8. Started looking at Teaching Fellows again and see how much they need math teachers. I'm not qualified... yet. But I REALLY like teaching math. And I want to move to New York. But when? This is all so confusing. I hate having too much time to friggin' think.
See the spiral? Good.
So I was tagged for 10 weird habits/things about yourself.... as usual I don't want to tag anyone but I would be curious to know what SAS, Kelly, Marcos, and Becky consider their weird habits. Just off the top of my head.
1. Annoying: I think TOO much. I give myself headaches. That's just wrong.
2. I say the same prayer every single night, despite the fact that I haven't been a strong Christian in any sense of the word for years.
3. I find eating food with my fingers more filling than with a fork. Close behind would be chopstick, which is actually a shovel in disguise.
4. I refuse to drink my boiled water anymore. REFUSE. HOWEVER I have been known to drink spoilt milk on occasion.
5. Disturbing: I flirt with other people's boyfriends. And I don't even mean to. I lose. Luckily I know I would never do anything, and so does EVERYONE else. bah.
6. I avoid updating my journal when I have something to say because I don't want people to read overly emotional writing.
7. I alphabetize my cd's and DVD's... blame the library.
8. The idea that Stephanie would even CONSIDER watching P&P without me makes me want to cry. It's something that I hold very close to me... and I can't explain why.
9. I took too much for granted and I find that now I don't take much for granted, but most of the time the things that cause me to pause and be grateful are stupid. This is odd. For example... the taste of non-china butter. EASY to find... still rejoice that I have it. I'm a nerd.
10. I get annoyed that other people are living there lives at a pace that boggles my mind now. SLOW DOWN please!
Sorry. I'll stop now.
More later?