spiral
Its something hard to understand, but while drifting off to sleep, caught in between the stage of consciousness and unconsciousness, you can see things slightly differently while mainting some semblance of control . You think about shit from experiences. The main thing that thoughts come from, are things you experience, things you've read, heard, or seen. Feeling goes with experience. The appearance of being calm can be thrown to complete shit when you see how machine like we all really are. Just like machines. We need juice, we need energy, our sleep is our docking bay for our iPods, our sleep is our recharge time. We drain along the course of the day, until the inevitable moment when our battery, our spark, is no longer able to continue. We eat to maintain, we sleep to regain, we perform to get back to regeneration. We spend effort, almost seemingly waste it, to get back to the rest, the end. We live life, to die. We are awake, so we may later be asleep. You drink a cup of water, to replenish it. Back and forth, I hate the balance idea cause its so unarguably right. People are born, people die. There are no shadows without light, the closer you get to the light, the bigger the shadows get. There is no up without a down, there is no left without a right, there is no words without silence, there is no music without noise, there is no agreement without an arguement, there is no peace without conflict, there is no resolution without a struggle, there is no hate without love, there is no passion without apathy, there is no individuality without the masses. There is no government without chaos, there is no positive without the negative. For there to be a beginning there must be that there is an ending. The scariest thing is the paradox. For the paradox to exist, there must be rationality. Nothingness needs existence. Sickness cannot be without good health. The purpose in everything is what you try to give it. I try my best to do everything in the most rational manner (when things need to be dealt with in a serious, rational manner). It is very hard for me to bite my tongue, but I have done so and it tears me apart. Things must be dealt with rationally (when they are needed to be) and for things to be dealt rationally, they will be dealt that way from your perspective. There is no absolute correct idea, there is no asbolute wrong idea. Someone else will perceive it differently, and sadly this is not something people want. Nearly no one can accept someone else's idea, taste, or opinion. Especially with things like faith. Here I am. "Here only to reverse the flow of life, I." A trail of embers behind me, on my way to Inferna, the place where all negativity, irrationality, anger, truth in its most ugly, hideous, and hurting form, resides. A fiery temple of convictions, revelations, acknowledgements, and spite. A place where the only point of anything is to defy. Without definition of negativity and positivity, there is no free will. You cannot have free will with just acceptance, you cannot have free will with just peace. The only real free will is found in disagreement. Free will is non existant, none of us have the choice to escape the claws of death. We will all die, and its not our choice. Its not even our choice how most the time, if a random piece of space garbage, or a meteor suddenly lands on us, if a nuke goes off, if were shot in a gang fight, if we're hit by a car, if we get second hand smoke, if we die of a sudden heart attack, if we suddenly combust, or if judgement day suddenly comes upon us. Death is very rarely, if ever our choice, the only thing we have on death, is the knowledge that we will all face it. Life is the desire to end it. I wonder how many people are in these walls, and in this tile, in this fucking computer, in this shirt or jeans, in my hat, in my piercing, in my retainers, in my contacts, or in the food I eat. We all die, like Hamlet said, we return to the earth, and then we become the very materials that we use for things like clothing, housing, food, health care products, recreational devices, and war machines. I could have eaten George Washington, I could be wearing a piece of Hitler, I could be brushing my teeth with the remains of a Han dynasty emperor. We are born, we die, we return the earth, we become apart of everyone else, and everything else. Look at the tile in my kitchen floor and see the screaming faces of everyone who died, I step on them now, no respect for the dead, we all die. The ocean is one big cess pool, every time you go in it you are bathing in whale seamen, piss, blood, dead bodies, guts, brains, gasoline, oil, radioactive materials, and pure shit. We breathe in the dead, much like we use them, eat them, and drink them. When you think about how life is, with this whole system, there's nothing really humane about any of us. But then we all can't live forever. Its not so much the complete annihilation, but the personal one. I'm looking at this computer screen right now and I can't help but feel its looking back at me.