Broken Souls

[bictory]

Title: Broken Souls
Pairing: Daehyun/Youngjae
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: highlight to read:[character death kinda..? More like dead characters...but not really. Er it'll make sense if you read it OTL]
Word Count: 4.2k
Summary: Just like a puzzle, souls are easier to take apart when one piece is missing.
A/N: pinch hit for kaixian for thebrowniebunch fic exchange! A

Comments

[michelleisat]

oh my lord. where do i start?

i love, love sweet daejae, and this was so sweet. the boys feel so real in this story, like the real dae and jae were actually a prince and his devoted servant (which fit your surprise ending well). i felt that was a really smart choice of past lives actually! there's something refined about Jae that fits a prince well, and we all know dae is a humble, bighearted, boisterious busan boy :) i actually loved this line you gave Dae:

"Daehyun may not have gotten an education in reading or writing, but his mother taught him to do everything with a willing and subservient heart"

That is so Daehyun, and one of the best things about him. As for Jae, I loved how quiet and calm he was, and how he was unafraid to be matter-of-fact about reality and look for his memories where Dae was too afraid (such a complimentary pair). This was my favourite Jae part:

"Youngjae doesn’t say anything, but there are inexplicable emotions etched in the folds of his frown. He places a hand over Daehyun’s, and they remain in the middle of the field for a long time."

I think Youngjae can be really "still waters run deep" like that, and it's something I don't see enough of in fic. <3

Finally, i love the world you created. the description of the souls are gorgeous, and i like the logic of how everything works. this particular passage got me:

"There is a moment right on the border of life and death as the soul leaves the body that Reapers can slip in and take over. It’s the only chance they get to experience a bit of life, no matter how instantaneously it fades."

This is kinda personal, but I've experienced depression before - I couldn't feel anything most of the time, but when I did, i cried like Dae. so that passage was very poignant for me.

This was a wonderful job, it gave me so many feels :D I'm gonna post more of my favourite quotes in the next comment, but for now, love!

[michelleisat]

Youngjae leans against Daehyun’s shoulder while they watch memory-Daehyun get tired, and collapse in the middle of the grass. “It’s that smile again,” Youngjae says. “How come you don’t smile like that anymore?”

Daehyun not smiling??! Unimaginable! Heartbreaking :( And of course, Jae would notice it :D

“Did you ever go back?” Youngjae looks hopeful, like he can live through Daehyun’s memories.

I feel like I get why Daehyun likes Youngjae, because Jae is so solid and supportive. But I don't get a lot about why Jae likes Dae. So this was great. Maybe the real Jae lives vicariously through Daehyun's impulsiveness ...

Youngjae doesn’t say anything, but there are inexplicable emotions etched in the folds of his frown. He places a hand over Daehyun’s, and they remain in the middle of the field for a long time. The nice thing about being dead is that time doesn’t matter anymore.

Awww quietly, unassumingly supportive Jae.

"Daehyun can’t help smiling a little at his enthusiasm. He glances over, and Youngjae also has a fond look on his face. For some reason, this makes Daehyun feel a little more whole. "

Haha, this was great. I think the real Dae is more embarassed about his enthusiasm than appreciative of it. So it's nice to have him be able to look at himself from the outside and realise it's a good thing! And of course Jae being fond of it. And Dae being fond of Jae being fond, hahaha.

Daehyun feels an unfamiliar warmth take over his cold body, but that’s probably from Youngjae. Youngjae is warm. His heart still isn’t beating.

Dae credits everything to Jae, so true. Also loved Dae afraid of being alone throughout the fic, and his awe at Jae. Because the real Daehyun is both those things.

I feel like I just spammed you, but all this had to be said!<3

[bictory]

ahh I am so late on this but thank you for this comment! I love your little insights on characterization and feelings, they make me feel like I did something right ^^

still waters run deep that is such a nice metaphor *__* I love that image with Youngjae, he is really a thoughtful kid ♥

I'm so glad that it touched you! I'm sorry about the depression, I hope it didn't give you bad memories ;__; /squeezes you, thanks for sharing ;u;

I feel like it'd be hard for Daehyun to smile earnestly if he doesn't have a heart! So yeah...I don't like the thought of Dae losing his smile though >__<

this is never spam! You are the loveliest! I recognized your name from ask fm I think but this gives me a chance to talk to you so that's awesome :3 thank you for reading and this comment, it makes me smile when I read it ^^ ♥

[michelleisat]

You're welcome! I've been a long-time fan of your writing actually (Stuck on a boat! Proclaiming love from the rooftops! Daejae firsts! Youngjae's tempting cheesecake ... Unicorn!), but I never came out showed you appreciation ... so I thought I should :) You write the sweetest Daejae, all these stories have put a grin on my face, even when I was tired / stressed out.

Ah, you recognise me from ask.fm! Good, that means I can click the like button without feeling shy :D Feel free to leave me stuff there / add me on twitter (@michelleisat) if you wanna chat ... Would love to spazz about the boys more <3