Sunwhale Summer
I come bringing a little short story, barely over 1K words long, that I wrote up while working on my NaNo to regain my lost inspiration. It's not perfect, nor even that great, but for some reason I'm quite fond of it. It's the first time I've ever written interactions between these two characters, and the first time I've actually written a story set in this world. I've had this world (called "The Golden Lands") in my mind for some time, but the most I've done is jot down a few worldbuilding details.
The unique thing about The Golden Lands, I suppose, is that I don't have a huge epic grand story plotted for it--I mostly use it as a setting for exploring different characters and their personal situations. Which means I probably won't consider any story I write for it for publication.
One last note is that there is a male/male relationship in this short, though it's completely innocuous and you can pretend it's friendship if you want.
Sunwhale Summer
The white mid-morning sun was reflected in hundreds of sparkles dancing on the surface of the sea, gleaming so brightly that it hurt to stare at them for too long. Yet rivaling the sunlight in brightness were the myriad sleek shapes that dived in and out of the sea in golden flashes. From this distance, Novice Razhum couldn't see them clearly, but he could make out their general shape and size-- like gleaming cigars that announced their presence with loud splashes and chirps.
"So those are sunwhales..." he said.
"I told you, see? They're beautiful," said Ebley, seated to his right. "I can't believe you've lived in Inata for so long and never saw a sunwhale before."
"Well, I haven't left the temple much," Razhum said, scowling. He was a thin and lightly built youth, with the bronzed skin of the northern islanders and a mop of white hair that he kept shaking out of his pearl gray eyes, to little avail. Rather than sprawling loosely on the sand as most of the other beachgoers were, Razhum had drawn his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms tightly around them, moving only to adjust his white linen robe--trimmed with black, proclaiming him a novice priest.
"Your loss," Ebley said. Unlike Razhum, he was standing, shading his eyes against the sun to get a better view of the frolicking sunwhales. He was about a head taller than Razhum, lithe yet muscular--clearly someone with experience at physical work, unlike his priest companion. His pale skin was burned a rather unappealing shade of lobster pink by the sun, but his easy grin and the dark curls framing his face were enough to get most girls of the city to melt at his feet. Not that that prospect appealed much to Razhum...
"I don't need to," Razhum said. "I am a priest of the Universal Soul. My place is at the temple."
"Maybe that's true, but if you don't leave the temple you're missing out on a lot, no?" Ebley said. "Hey--look at 'im go--"
He pointed towards a sunwhale that had leapt into the sky, a dazzling golden arc. Down closer by the beach, a group of rather drunk young men burst into boisterous roars and applause.
All around, people were sprawled in the white sands: watching the darting sunwhales, laughing together, grilling meat on sticks over coals, kicking balls around. To Razhum, it felt like everyone in Inata had gone to the beach on this day. The last day before the cool winds of fall blew through the city, when the sunwhales first began gathering in Cresae Harbor to breed.
"The end of summer," Ebley said with a content sigh. "I told you you shouldn't miss this day."
The two lapsed back into silence, which suited Razhum just fine. He didn't like speaking much--words felt so inaccurate and never quite adequate, compared to exact thoughts. Ebley was a chatterbox by nature, but he'd always respected Razhum's silence.
At length, as Razhum was beginning to doze under the heat--the only thing keeping him awake were the bright flashes from the cavorting sunwhales--Ebley spoke.
"Y'know...I remember spending summers up in Daunth," he said. "The sunwhales, they go north in summer, you know that--they'd always travel past Sunwhale Fort. I loved going there best of all, sitting on the ramparts and watching them streak past...there's a pretty damn good reason why the fort is called what it's called."
As always when Ebley spoke about his past, his eyes misted over and his voice softened. Razhum was suddenly filled with the urge to pat him on the shoulder and assure him everything would be all right.
He said, "...so you really are going."
"Huh?" Ebley blinked.
"East," Razhum snapped. "You really are going. You've made up your mind."
"I have," Ebley said, his tone becoming solemn. "Listen, Razh, I know you don't like it, but...I've decided. I can't just putter around in Inata--exploring's in my blood. I gotta go. This'll be my way of helping the company, definitely would suit me better'n being a salesman."
"I know that," Razhum said. "But to leave so soon...and who knows when you'll be back?"
"Don't fret," Ebley said. "I'll be back soon, I promise. And I'll bring you taopa tea pearls from Zian-An--that's another promise."
Razhum snorted and turned to the side. He didn't know why he was so upset about Ebley leaving--if the annoying merchant was gone, he'd at least be able to live with some peace and quiet. But...but he'd become used to Ebley's presence, loud and irritating as it might be. He didn't want to admit how much he looked forward to the times when they'd take tea together in the temple...
"Anyway, you've got things of your own to answer for," Ebley added, his voice suddenly sharp. "Like--you really are going to dedicate yourself to the temple, come fall?"
"Yes," Razhum said, his throat tightening--though he had no idea why. "I have...I have made up my mind as well. This is--my life. Serving the Universal Soul."
"But I won't be able to see you for at least five years," Ebley said. "Even when I get back, I won't be able to see you!"
"Yes, you will," Razhum said, annoyed. "I just won't be able to leave the temple."
"That's the same!" Ebley said. "I want to take you places--to festivals and stuff, to the beach--it won't be right if I just visit you at the temple. And I hear that dedicates have to spend most of the day meditating..."
"It's the price I must pay," Razhum said firmly, meeting Ebley's eyes--no matter how much it hurt him. "I have long decided that I would give my life and being to the Universal Soul. It's--it's who I am. I couldn't say no, even if I wanted to."
Ebley smiled sadly. "Then you know how I feel about going to Zian-An."
Razhum didn't speak; he didn't need to. He understood, full well. They were a merchant and priest, not by birth but by choice. And for them, those choices would always be the most important--would always come first. Even above their relationship.
Ebley had taken a seat beside Razhum, sending up puffs up white sand as he sat down, and unbidden draped his arm around the smaller boy's shoulders. Razhum tensed at first, but then leaned closer into the merchant's warmth, resting his head against the front of Ebley's tunic. Together, they gazed at the sparkling sea, at the sunwhales leaping to and fro as if they too knew that winter would soon come to the land, and they wouldn't be able to enjoy themselves in the warm waters of Cresae Harbor forever.
It was the way all life worked, Razhum thought. No matter if you were a sunwhale or human, summer would always come to an end.
~*~
I'm well aware that the prose isn't the best; I dare venture that it sucks, but this was written late at night while I was frustrated enough to want to bang my head against my keyboard due to writers' block in the middle of NaNoWriMo. Which explains a good deal.
This isn't meant to be a masterpiece of masterful prose; it's meant to explore two characters and some elements of a world. I mainly want critique on the worldbuilding and the characterizations, especially on whether it makes sense or not.
I might write more featuring these two, I might not. Currently my NaNo and another project (on my fictionpress) are absorbing most of my attention.
The unique thing about The Golden Lands, I suppose, is that I don't have a huge epic grand story plotted for it--I mostly use it as a setting for exploring different characters and their personal situations. Which means I probably won't consider any story I write for it for publication.
One last note is that there is a male/male relationship in this short, though it's completely innocuous and you can pretend it's friendship if you want.
Sunwhale Summer
The white mid-morning sun was reflected in hundreds of sparkles dancing on the surface of the sea, gleaming so brightly that it hurt to stare at them for too long. Yet rivaling the sunlight in brightness were the myriad sleek shapes that dived in and out of the sea in golden flashes. From this distance, Novice Razhum couldn't see them clearly, but he could make out their general shape and size-- like gleaming cigars that announced their presence with loud splashes and chirps.
"So those are sunwhales..." he said.
"I told you, see? They're beautiful," said Ebley, seated to his right. "I can't believe you've lived in Inata for so long and never saw a sunwhale before."
"Well, I haven't left the temple much," Razhum said, scowling. He was a thin and lightly built youth, with the bronzed skin of the northern islanders and a mop of white hair that he kept shaking out of his pearl gray eyes, to little avail. Rather than sprawling loosely on the sand as most of the other beachgoers were, Razhum had drawn his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms tightly around them, moving only to adjust his white linen robe--trimmed with black, proclaiming him a novice priest.
"Your loss," Ebley said. Unlike Razhum, he was standing, shading his eyes against the sun to get a better view of the frolicking sunwhales. He was about a head taller than Razhum, lithe yet muscular--clearly someone with experience at physical work, unlike his priest companion. His pale skin was burned a rather unappealing shade of lobster pink by the sun, but his easy grin and the dark curls framing his face were enough to get most girls of the city to melt at his feet. Not that that prospect appealed much to Razhum...
"I don't need to," Razhum said. "I am a priest of the Universal Soul. My place is at the temple."
"Maybe that's true, but if you don't leave the temple you're missing out on a lot, no?" Ebley said. "Hey--look at 'im go--"
He pointed towards a sunwhale that had leapt into the sky, a dazzling golden arc. Down closer by the beach, a group of rather drunk young men burst into boisterous roars and applause.
All around, people were sprawled in the white sands: watching the darting sunwhales, laughing together, grilling meat on sticks over coals, kicking balls around. To Razhum, it felt like everyone in Inata had gone to the beach on this day. The last day before the cool winds of fall blew through the city, when the sunwhales first began gathering in Cresae Harbor to breed.
"The end of summer," Ebley said with a content sigh. "I told you you shouldn't miss this day."
The two lapsed back into silence, which suited Razhum just fine. He didn't like speaking much--words felt so inaccurate and never quite adequate, compared to exact thoughts. Ebley was a chatterbox by nature, but he'd always respected Razhum's silence.
At length, as Razhum was beginning to doze under the heat--the only thing keeping him awake were the bright flashes from the cavorting sunwhales--Ebley spoke.
"Y'know...I remember spending summers up in Daunth," he said. "The sunwhales, they go north in summer, you know that--they'd always travel past Sunwhale Fort. I loved going there best of all, sitting on the ramparts and watching them streak past...there's a pretty damn good reason why the fort is called what it's called."
As always when Ebley spoke about his past, his eyes misted over and his voice softened. Razhum was suddenly filled with the urge to pat him on the shoulder and assure him everything would be all right.
He said, "...so you really are going."
"Huh?" Ebley blinked.
"East," Razhum snapped. "You really are going. You've made up your mind."
"I have," Ebley said, his tone becoming solemn. "Listen, Razh, I know you don't like it, but...I've decided. I can't just putter around in Inata--exploring's in my blood. I gotta go. This'll be my way of helping the company, definitely would suit me better'n being a salesman."
"I know that," Razhum said. "But to leave so soon...and who knows when you'll be back?"
"Don't fret," Ebley said. "I'll be back soon, I promise. And I'll bring you taopa tea pearls from Zian-An--that's another promise."
Razhum snorted and turned to the side. He didn't know why he was so upset about Ebley leaving--if the annoying merchant was gone, he'd at least be able to live with some peace and quiet. But...but he'd become used to Ebley's presence, loud and irritating as it might be. He didn't want to admit how much he looked forward to the times when they'd take tea together in the temple...
"Anyway, you've got things of your own to answer for," Ebley added, his voice suddenly sharp. "Like--you really are going to dedicate yourself to the temple, come fall?"
"Yes," Razhum said, his throat tightening--though he had no idea why. "I have...I have made up my mind as well. This is--my life. Serving the Universal Soul."
"But I won't be able to see you for at least five years," Ebley said. "Even when I get back, I won't be able to see you!"
"Yes, you will," Razhum said, annoyed. "I just won't be able to leave the temple."
"That's the same!" Ebley said. "I want to take you places--to festivals and stuff, to the beach--it won't be right if I just visit you at the temple. And I hear that dedicates have to spend most of the day meditating..."
"It's the price I must pay," Razhum said firmly, meeting Ebley's eyes--no matter how much it hurt him. "I have long decided that I would give my life and being to the Universal Soul. It's--it's who I am. I couldn't say no, even if I wanted to."
Ebley smiled sadly. "Then you know how I feel about going to Zian-An."
Razhum didn't speak; he didn't need to. He understood, full well. They were a merchant and priest, not by birth but by choice. And for them, those choices would always be the most important--would always come first. Even above their relationship.
Ebley had taken a seat beside Razhum, sending up puffs up white sand as he sat down, and unbidden draped his arm around the smaller boy's shoulders. Razhum tensed at first, but then leaned closer into the merchant's warmth, resting his head against the front of Ebley's tunic. Together, they gazed at the sparkling sea, at the sunwhales leaping to and fro as if they too knew that winter would soon come to the land, and they wouldn't be able to enjoy themselves in the warm waters of Cresae Harbor forever.
It was the way all life worked, Razhum thought. No matter if you were a sunwhale or human, summer would always come to an end.
~*~
I'm well aware that the prose isn't the best; I dare venture that it sucks, but this was written late at night while I was frustrated enough to want to bang my head against my keyboard due to writers' block in the middle of NaNoWriMo. Which explains a good deal.
This isn't meant to be a masterpiece of masterful prose; it's meant to explore two characters and some elements of a world. I mainly want critique on the worldbuilding and the characterizations, especially on whether it makes sense or not.
I might write more featuring these two, I might not. Currently my NaNo and another project (on my fictionpress) are absorbing most of my attention.