(no subject)
Your journal online seems so much more surreal when you're typing out an entry in the middle of your college's computer lab, consciously watching if anyone is reading behind your back. Escapism really.
On Saturday, I started menstruating again after my period took a 10 months break. I don't know how to feel - exhilarated, ashamed, angry, dissapointed? Yet, I am healthy again - the robustness and warmth of blood flowing beneath your inner thighs, the flesh you feel when you cross your legs. Funny how I felt ashamed and tiptoed across my mother's room to get pads - pads which have been absent from my wardrobe for a good 10 months. Embarrasing. Truly embarrasing.
Now I know why I ran out of college crying on Tuesday. PMS strikes again.
I hate the fact that everything's normal again, the fact that I probably will never go back down the road of hunger, loneliness and depression. The fine line between sanity and insanity is hard to read. I guess that, in a way, is a good thing.
Aspects in my life are looking up once again. To be corny, the sun is shining and the birds are singing in the clear, blur sky. It is a changing climate though, one must add. While the mundanities (does such a word exist?) and routine of college life does ease the inevitable creeping loneliness that numbs your very being, it can never fully shift the attention away from the sterility of life. Laughter, joy, tears. They are only temporary. I guess I can never truly be sane.
However, one must be thankful for life, regardless of its lack of passion, zest, gusto and well, life. Since I cannot comprehend it (and likely, no one else), I might as well accept and appreciate it. Make the most out of your life. Go out and have fun, live life to the fullest and all that jazz. Since you've heard it, you might as well do it. You're young, you're beautiful, you can take the world by storm and receive the rounding applause. A standing ovation, if you may.
That, by the way, was by no means an order from me to you. Just a simple reminder to myself that I, indeed, can go out and change the world. Rock on.
On Saturday, I started menstruating again after my period took a 10 months break. I don't know how to feel - exhilarated, ashamed, angry, dissapointed? Yet, I am healthy again - the robustness and warmth of blood flowing beneath your inner thighs, the flesh you feel when you cross your legs. Funny how I felt ashamed and tiptoed across my mother's room to get pads - pads which have been absent from my wardrobe for a good 10 months. Embarrasing. Truly embarrasing.
Now I know why I ran out of college crying on Tuesday. PMS strikes again.
I hate the fact that everything's normal again, the fact that I probably will never go back down the road of hunger, loneliness and depression. The fine line between sanity and insanity is hard to read. I guess that, in a way, is a good thing.
Aspects in my life are looking up once again. To be corny, the sun is shining and the birds are singing in the clear, blur sky. It is a changing climate though, one must add. While the mundanities (does such a word exist?) and routine of college life does ease the inevitable creeping loneliness that numbs your very being, it can never fully shift the attention away from the sterility of life. Laughter, joy, tears. They are only temporary. I guess I can never truly be sane.
However, one must be thankful for life, regardless of its lack of passion, zest, gusto and well, life. Since I cannot comprehend it (and likely, no one else), I might as well accept and appreciate it. Make the most out of your life. Go out and have fun, live life to the fullest and all that jazz. Since you've heard it, you might as well do it. You're young, you're beautiful, you can take the world by storm and receive the rounding applause. A standing ovation, if you may.
That, by the way, was by no means an order from me to you. Just a simple reminder to myself that I, indeed, can go out and change the world. Rock on.