2a
Death is where the story really begins, if having a beginning will suit the needs of the reader.
My mother died of breast cancer when she was 53 years old. At the time of her death, women who discovered their cancers at the stage when she found hers had over an 80% "cure" rate. But she received little to no useful advice, trusted no one, and sought out no doctors until it was nearly, and then finally, too late.
For many years following her death, I tried to just not think about it at all. As I've grown older, however, and increasingly aware of the approach of middle age, I've begun to wonder about it all. What really killed her? What caused the pain in parts of her body where no cancer grew? At what point, if any, could a decision have been made that might have saved her life? Was there something that marked that point in time, or in her body?
I do not intend to repeat her experience. However, I'm just as reticent, to be honest, in approaching doctors for answers. For one thing, they rarely appear to have any. For another, they never seem to quite see the root of any problem, only show interest in treating the outward symptoms. So I began with the internet. I read all I could on the subject, what advances have been made, potential causes, preventions and treatments. I found much of the information to be either too personal or too clinical, but I did learn how the cancer survival rate has dramatically increased over the past 15 years.
Still, I wanted to talk about my mom, with someone who could help me experience now what I was not allowed to experience then; a recognition of a terminal illness, and the stages that follow, through the grief for and acceptance of a life that ended too soon.
Everyone thinks that, when someone dies unexpectedly, or of an illness that we expect to only touch the elderly. But my mother died merely because there was no bother to help her live. Or she didn't bother. Or something. Mainly she was scared, and she hid from the knowledge of her illness until it was too late. She was scared to death.
I found an online forum where people could ask questions, and "guest" doctors would answer them. I knew I had to word my question very carefully, because I might have only this one shot at getting it answered.
"Please explain to me, in as much detail as space allows, the physical sensations my mother probably experienced from the moment of awareness of cancer developing in her breasts, through the two years following, as it took hold of her chest, eventually causing her death from respiratory failure."
My mother died of breast cancer when she was 53 years old. At the time of her death, women who discovered their cancers at the stage when she found hers had over an 80% "cure" rate. But she received little to no useful advice, trusted no one, and sought out no doctors until it was nearly, and then finally, too late.
For many years following her death, I tried to just not think about it at all. As I've grown older, however, and increasingly aware of the approach of middle age, I've begun to wonder about it all. What really killed her? What caused the pain in parts of her body where no cancer grew? At what point, if any, could a decision have been made that might have saved her life? Was there something that marked that point in time, or in her body?
I do not intend to repeat her experience. However, I'm just as reticent, to be honest, in approaching doctors for answers. For one thing, they rarely appear to have any. For another, they never seem to quite see the root of any problem, only show interest in treating the outward symptoms. So I began with the internet. I read all I could on the subject, what advances have been made, potential causes, preventions and treatments. I found much of the information to be either too personal or too clinical, but I did learn how the cancer survival rate has dramatically increased over the past 15 years.
Still, I wanted to talk about my mom, with someone who could help me experience now what I was not allowed to experience then; a recognition of a terminal illness, and the stages that follow, through the grief for and acceptance of a life that ended too soon.
Everyone thinks that, when someone dies unexpectedly, or of an illness that we expect to only touch the elderly. But my mother died merely because there was no bother to help her live. Or she didn't bother. Or something. Mainly she was scared, and she hid from the knowledge of her illness until it was too late. She was scared to death.
I found an online forum where people could ask questions, and "guest" doctors would answer them. I knew I had to word my question very carefully, because I might have only this one shot at getting it answered.
"Please explain to me, in as much detail as space allows, the physical sensations my mother probably experienced from the moment of awareness of cancer developing in her breasts, through the two years following, as it took hold of her chest, eventually causing her death from respiratory failure."