it will all be better now
ok.. i guess that all the drama this week made its end i hope. i finally am over the dude who i fell in love with. he's a royal dickhead and i wish upon him to find the grl of his dreams and for her to fuck him over hardcore just as he did me. its ruff i know but then he'll know exactly how i feel. i will keep being the way i am b/c i'm not looking for any kind of love right now especially since all this week has given me just one other reason to keep being me and playin the game that i play. although i found someone to chill w/ while i'm here, he lives here in wv and i live in myrtle beach, so i'm not taking everything to the extremes even though it could be good for me in the end b/c he's a great guy. but yah.. onto something else...
anyways... i want to just go home to the beach!!! BEACH!!!!!!!...... so i can go to classes and go to work and keep going on how i was you know?? another thing is the grl who i became best friends with is moving back to wv b/c of some guy and i told her again and again.. don't move for a guy b/c you are going to regret it. she does not realize that there is nothing here for her and everything in myrtle beach. but she'll see and wonder why she never listened to me in the first place and regret coming back to this shithole!! but anyways, this is where i end the bull shit and start concentrating more on things that really count like school and work. i see everybody i know and love making constant mistakes. my sister just moved out of my mom's house where it was free into an apt. where she has to pay bills and be stressed all the time and HAVE to work instead of just wanting to. she has no feelings left for her bf and that kills me b/c she is still with him. that and all my friends are in these crazy relationships and take them so seriousely and they are so young and they are missing out on their teenage years, the ones where they are suppose to have fun. i know they will look back and wonder why they did what they did like be so dedicated and dependant on someone. just become independant before you depend on someone else and when that other person is gone, they will not function right alone. this just hurts me to see people i love doing these stupid things. i can't stand it. they will look back and think, geez, heidi is so lucky b/c she got to live her life the way she wanted, not the way someone wanted her too and not working around someone else's life. i just want to let them all know i don't approve of what they are doing. but no matter how i feel, they will keep going on thinking their lives are so great but i look at them hurting all the time and it hurts me too. i am going to end this journal entry now b/c i could go on for hours. i'll write once more in a few days. madd love!!
anyways... i want to just go home to the beach!!! BEACH!!!!!!!...... so i can go to classes and go to work and keep going on how i was you know?? another thing is the grl who i became best friends with is moving back to wv b/c of some guy and i told her again and again.. don't move for a guy b/c you are going to regret it. she does not realize that there is nothing here for her and everything in myrtle beach. but she'll see and wonder why she never listened to me in the first place and regret coming back to this shithole!! but anyways, this is where i end the bull shit and start concentrating more on things that really count like school and work. i see everybody i know and love making constant mistakes. my sister just moved out of my mom's house where it was free into an apt. where she has to pay bills and be stressed all the time and HAVE to work instead of just wanting to. she has no feelings left for her bf and that kills me b/c she is still with him. that and all my friends are in these crazy relationships and take them so seriousely and they are so young and they are missing out on their teenage years, the ones where they are suppose to have fun. i know they will look back and wonder why they did what they did like be so dedicated and dependant on someone. just become independant before you depend on someone else and when that other person is gone, they will not function right alone. this just hurts me to see people i love doing these stupid things. i can't stand it. they will look back and think, geez, heidi is so lucky b/c she got to live her life the way she wanted, not the way someone wanted her too and not working around someone else's life. i just want to let them all know i don't approve of what they are doing. but no matter how i feel, they will keep going on thinking their lives are so great but i look at them hurting all the time and it hurts me too. i am going to end this journal entry now b/c i could go on for hours. i'll write once more in a few days. madd love!!