ugh!!
i'm feeling pretty alone lately. even when i have someone to go to every night and not have to sleep by myself, i still feel alone. when i'm at home and everyone is out, i'm alone. when i'm sitting in class, not talking to anyone, alone again. haven't spoken to a lot of friends lately. i'm not avoiding them, just not in the mood to go anywhere with anybody. if i had one jagerbomb i'd probably be wasted at this point of sobriety. i'm trying to balance my check book and i can't figure out which numbers go where and which ones are right and whether or not i forgot a purchase in the last week. i've been spending money like crazy!! my car has been my one love lately. i finally put a new window in after the robbery. a new cd player and driver side mirror. i even have knobs to turn the heat/air, something i have not had since i bought the car. i even turned the very back of the car white w/ some fabric and then the dash is white as well. it's hot and i'm only worried that it will attract more attention and everything get stolen again. i'm a good target for things being stolen, so damn, why should someone stop now. just take everything i have, they always do. i got some new floor mats too... it all matches the back and front seat covers, so i'm happy about it all. having music in the car again is the best part about it. that car has been keeping me happy lately. i feel like i have been spending more time putting money into the car and gettin it fixed than time spent with any humans lately. she's my baby and i know i have to get rid of her soon... :(
i pay more attention to my plants than guys right now. i guess the saying is true, if you can keep a plant alive for a long period of time, you can get into a relationship. my plants are alive, but not too healthy, what the hell does that mean. i can't seem to figure it all out!!
i guess not treating guys right has nipped me right in the ass. i always get treated so well, and in the end, i'm just pushing them away. i'm not ready, but all i feel like is settling down, but not permenantly... if that makes any logical sense. i can't grasp being with someone for too long, but i want someone to fall in love with. i don't know what that is like, so how will i know if i do?? i'm nowhere close, so all i need now is time, which i don't have much of to begin with. now i'm stuck with another situation.
the puzzle pieces of my life are not fitting together right now. i guess the picture is more abstract than i imagined it to be.
~heidi
that is a good quote that says a lot about me. i think i'm going to use that!!
when i turn around to go back and think about things in the past, i only see the back of the stop sign. that doesn't tell me much because i can keep on walking. i just want someone to turn it around so i can just STOP!
i pay more attention to my plants than guys right now. i guess the saying is true, if you can keep a plant alive for a long period of time, you can get into a relationship. my plants are alive, but not too healthy, what the hell does that mean. i can't seem to figure it all out!!
i guess not treating guys right has nipped me right in the ass. i always get treated so well, and in the end, i'm just pushing them away. i'm not ready, but all i feel like is settling down, but not permenantly... if that makes any logical sense. i can't grasp being with someone for too long, but i want someone to fall in love with. i don't know what that is like, so how will i know if i do?? i'm nowhere close, so all i need now is time, which i don't have much of to begin with. now i'm stuck with another situation.
the puzzle pieces of my life are not fitting together right now. i guess the picture is more abstract than i imagined it to be.
~heidi
that is a good quote that says a lot about me. i think i'm going to use that!!
when i turn around to go back and think about things in the past, i only see the back of the stop sign. that doesn't tell me much because i can keep on walking. i just want someone to turn it around so i can just STOP!