Bones Fanfic: Stuck In A Moment (18/27)
Title: Stuck In A Moment
Author: biba79
Disclaimer: Characters aren’t mine, they belong to Hart Hanson.
Pairings/Characters: Booth/Brennan
Rating: T
Summary: An event tests Booth and Brennan's relationship. Booth kept telling himself that it would take time, and he needed to be patient. Will they be able to get through it? Future Fic! B/B!
Word Count: 3,607
Spoiler: None
Preview Chapters: One - Two - Three - Four - Five - Six - Seven - Eight - Nine - Ten - Eleven - Twelve - Thirteen - Fourteen - Fifteen - Sixteen - Seventeen
A/N: I know I just posted yesterday, but the reviews have been amazing and I couldn’t help but post today too, besides, I promised Rankor01 I would post today. Thank you so much everyone for the reviews, I know some of you are worried about Emma, and some of you don’t like her, but I can tell you that Emma will be the catalyst of it all, just hang in there and you will be glad you did. Thanks for all the support, you guys are amazing.
I want to thank Angie (angiebc) and Hannah (BrainySmurf6) for their amazing help and beta-reading. They are just awesome, I couldn’t have asked for better betas. Thanks ladies. Also, I want to update the last few chapters as fast as possible, but the latest chapters are with the beta, so you guys can blame Angie for taking so long to update! Luv ya Angie. Haha!
Also, a little promotion for my fantastic beta Jen (jsq), she just started a fic, and it’s so freaking amazing that I can’t help but help promote, so people read it. So, please take five minutes of your time and go read it, it’s really good, you won’t regret it. Although mind the ratings and read the warning, the fic is not for everyone.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6782070/1/The_Light_Through_the_Dark
I’m sorry for the long Author’s note.
Song “Look After You” by The Fray.
If I don't say this now I will surely break
As I'm leaving the one I want to take
Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait
My heart has started to separate
There now, steady love, so few come and don't go
Will you, won't you be the one I always know?
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down
If ever there was a doubt
My love she leans into me
This most assuredly counts
She says most assuredly
It's always have and never hold
You've begun to feel like home
What's mine is yours to leave or take
What's mine is yours to make your own
Chapter 18
Booth received a message to pick up Cooper from Angela’s house. Now he realized why. Cam and Angela obviously had hatched the get-Brennan-out-project together. In spite of the near catastrophe, he was really grateful. What he didn’t expect was a firing squad, complete with Cam, when he arrived to Angela’s.
“Cam, what are you doing here?” Booth asked, surprised to see her.
“Why do I feel like it’s last night all over again?” Cam shook her finger at him, and her eyes did that thing that made him cringe. “What am I doing here? What do you think, Booth? What in the hell are you thinking?”
“Keep your voice down. Cooper will hear you.” Booth glared at her in frustration.
“I’ll take them to the kitchen for some milk and cookies. You two keep it down until I’ve taken care of it,” Angela instructed.
Angela soon had both kids in tow, but Cooper spied his Dad.
“Daddy!” He ran to him, delighted to see him. Booth loved these first moments of their reunion, and he hated them too, because there shouldn’t be a need for reunions, they should be with each other every day.
Grace, Angela and Hodgins’ six-year-old daughter, an affectionate and sweet little girl, couldn’t resist getting a hug from Uncle Seeley. As soon as Booth set Cooper down, she flung her little body happily against him. His arms flew around her; a rush of sorrow hit him as he held her, shattering his heart into a million pieces. He remembered Liz’s little, chubby arms hugging him like this. He remembered the feel of her so close, the smells of the scent that was her. For a moment, he felt as though she was back, she had come back to Daddy. He became tortured by the memory.
Angela saw immediately what he was going through, and she let him hug Grace for a moment more, knowing how horrible it must be hugging someone else’s little girl. She didn’t want Cooper to have to witness his Daddy totally falling apart. She quickly rescued Booth by taking Grace gently away. Booth kept his back to his son, and Angela whisked the children off to the kitchen, chattering animatedly, intent on taking the focus off Booth and distracting the children.
Cam was crying openly by the time they were out of earshot. She approached him, instantly forgetting what she was mad about only a few moments before. She kneeled next to him patting and rubbing his shaking back.
“Oh God! I wasn’t expecting… I should have known… Grace is such a cuddle bug too…” Booth cried.
Cam sniffled, placing a quieting hand on his shoulder.
He turned into her arms slowly, hugging her tightly as he composed himself.
“I’m sorry.” Booth said sadly.
Angela returned to the room and felt totally compelled by the scene to do something, anything, to take the heartache from Booth.
“It’s okay Booth, I’m the one who’s sorry, I didn’t think…” Angela apologized.
He put a hand up to stop her. “No. It’s good. I’m fine.” He swiped his betraying eyes. “I just… miss her.” He stood on wobbly legs, and Cam stood with him, still clutching an arm to support him.
“Booth, we know you miss her. I know you don’t think we understand, and I know we can’t ever completely understand, but… we love you… we care about you and Brennan so very much.” Angela reassured him, wanting him to feel loved, to help him heal if she could.
“I know you do…”
“And we care so much that we decided to get Brennan out of the house last night…” Cam was back on track. No matter what he was going through, he had some explaining to do.
Booth nodded gratefully.
“But what the hell were you doing there too, Booth? And with that woman?” Cam couldn’t keep the genuine admonishment out of her voice.
“I’m learning how to get past the worst time of my life…” Booth explained sadly.
“By having an affair?” Angela asked disapprovingly.
“I’m not having an affair.”
“What then were you doing out on a date?” Cam asked.
“It wasn’t a date! I was taking a friend to see an artist she loves on concert. Thanks to you not choosing to tell me you and Bones were going, she missed it!” Booth said irritated.
“Well, I wasn’t expecting to see you there with a date!” Cam barked back. “Especially a woman like that.”
“She’s not a date, I keep telling you, and as for ‘a woman like that’? Where do you get off?”
“And she dates married men!” Cam argued. Angela wisely stayed quiet. She knew better than to interrupt Cam and Booth.
“I’m not dating her, will you listen? I’m seeing her because she knows.” Booth emphasized it with his hands.
“She knows?” Cam was not about to be placated. It was such a close call. She couldn’t believe that he was defending his actions. “What does she know? That you are lonely and vulnerable and conveniently available? Please!”
“Yes, I’m all of that. Okay? I am and she is too.”
“And that makes it okay to date her?” Cam couldn’t believe her ears.
“I’m not dating her. I’m going to her for therapy okay? She is helping me cope. She knows what it is to lose a child.” Booth was upset that he was under suspicion; he already felt a bit guilty over the incredibly wonderful feeling that he’d had while dancing with Emma the night before.
“She’s…” Cam couldn’t even finish it.
“She lost her husband and her five year old son in a car accident three years ago. She’s a teacher at Cooper’s, what used to be Cooper’s school. She isn’t a home wrecker. She’s an honest-to-God survivor of this horror. Do you have any idea what it’s like for me to try and talk to you? You guys can’t understand. I know you want to, but you just don’t. I can’t talk to Bones. I can’t even see her. What am I supposed to do? Emma offered to talk to me, and she offered to listen in spite of the fact that it brings back all her pain.”
He saw his firing squad had put down their hands. They were listening intently; expressions of sympathy obviously replaced the ire of a few moments before.
“I was a total jerk to her twice, and I felt really badly. She’s been like an angel to me, and I have been moody and testy, and she’s put up with me because she understands. She doesn’t judge me. You guys expect too much. I can’t do what you seem to expect of me anymore. I am not just going to pretend it didn’t happen, because every single day I think about it, and I know it did. I can’t pretend that I’m going to be okay, and Bones is going to be okay, or that we will ever be okay again, together or apart. You guys just don’t know, and thinking it can be fixed… it just can’t. It won’t be fixed.”
“You can’t confide in us? We love you, Booth. You have always turned to us. We are your family.” Cam wished that she was enough for him to confide in. She had never not helped him before, and she didn’t find it easy to stand aside and let someone else, a virtual stranger, do it. If she was a licensed therapist that would be one thing, but the fact that this woman was hurting and lonely... she just didn’t get a good feeling about it. “We are all here for you, Booth.”
“I have to have someone who doesn’t expect anything. Who isn’t totally focused on reuniting me with Bones. Bones doesn’t want me. Did she even mention my name last night, Cam?”
She shook her head sadly.
“See, what am I supposed to do? I can’t share anything with the only person I should be able to. I can’t talk about it with you guys. You think this is easy?”
“No, of course not, Booth,” Angela said gently.
“It’s like being in some horrible nightmare and not being able to wake up,” Booth tried to explain.
“So, you are seeing this woman…” Cam started.
“Her name is Emma Foster.”
“You are seeing Emma because…” Cam wasn’t so sure she was satisfied.
“She loves music; she’s a music teacher, like I said. I got her tickets and took her because I wanted to thank her. That’s what you saw me doing. I was thanking Emma for helping me get through this a little bit. Do you want to know why I’m seeing her? It’s to get some perspective on why Bones is doing what she’s doing. Emma has been in Bones’ shoes and then some. I started to talk to her because of Bones, and now I’m talking to her because I need her too. She even tried to call Bones, but Bones is in such a dark hole, Emma can’t get her to return even a phone call.”
“She’s willing to help Brennan too?” Cam asked softening.
“God yes. She knows the hell Bones is in, she knows that she could get to her mother to mother in a way no one else can, but Bones won’t let her.”
“Booth, why didn’t you tell us?” Angela asked.
“Because of this…” He pointed to them. “You guys would think and believe the worst of me, and because you don’t know what it’s like. Bones was right when she said that months ago, you can’t know. As much as you love me, you will never know, and I hope to God that you never have to find out.”
Cam wiped a tear again. “I’m sorry, Booth.”
He nodded, knowing they meant well.
“You got Bones out of the house. How in the hell did you do that?”
“It took a little persuasion, and it took getting Angela to get her to agree to Cooper staying here last night.”
“So, how did it go? Did she agree right away?”
“Well, only after I told her that if she didn’t, I would tell you, and I would help you and support you to file custody papers to take him away…”
“Oh God! What did she say?” Booth felt pangs of fear. They shouldn’t do anything without consulting him. He didn’t want her to shy further away… not that she could.
“She was angry that we threatened her, but she let him stay, and she came, so I would say that’s progress…” Cam offered him some hope, slim as it was.
“And did she like the concert?”
“Like is a strong word.” Cam’s eyes indicate that she didn’t.
Booth looked down sadly. He got no hope from this information. “Please, I appreciate what you are trying to do, both of you; but please, no more moves on Bones without letting me know. I don’t want her to be afraid of losing Cooper. It might send her completely over the edge. We just have to be careful.”
“Okay, Booth. But you be careful too. I mean, you are lonely and vulnerable, and she must be too, poor lady. I’m sorry I snapped at you and jumped to conclusions. I don’t always think the worst, but this is the worst situation ever, so I mean… a part of me wouldn’t blame you…” Cam was speaking honestly; how long was he supposed to stay away from Brennan and not want comfort from somewhere else or someone else? Emma, who was so in tune with where he was and what he needed, how could she hold it against him? Right now she was grateful to anyone who could help him or Brennan. “I really couldn’t blame you…” Cam said it again sympathetically.
“I would blame me, Cam. I love my wife, or what’s left of her.” Booth’s eyes got teary again as he shook his head hopelessly.
X-X-X-X-X-X
Brennan got her twice-weekly-without-fail-phone-call from Russ. Russ had been fully in a protective big brother mode since he heard the news. He had offered to come home a zillion times, but Brennan would not hear of it. Russ accepted a job the day after Liz’s fifth birthday. He had cried and laughed, but he couldn’t turn down this chance, and his sister had given him the final push to say ‘yes’ by confirming Russ’ thoughts that offers of jobs like these in California did not come up every day.
Russ thought that things had settled down and that life was normal at last, as normal as it could ever be. At least Russ knew that she was going to be okay because she had married Booth. He packed up and moved to California to begin the newest phase of his life with his family.
But now as they spoke on the phone, Brennan couldn’t help but wish that she hadn’t been so quick to give Russ the loving nudge. There was a little longing for the brother and sister days, when they shared just about everything, and there was nothing the two of them couldn’t talk about. Their relationship had grown immensely over the years.
“So, how are you doing, Tempe?” Russ asked, torturing himself over not being there for his sister. Russ had moved to D.C. to be near his family when Cooper was born, and he had a wonderful time being close to his family. He shouldn’t have left D.C. and taken the job in California. Knowing what a horrible time Brennan was having only made the fact that he loved California and his new job that much more guilt ridden. If anyone should have had happiness now, it was Brennan and Booth. He just couldn’t believe that they had separated and that he hadn’t at least tried to get Brennan back.
Russ knew from the few conversations he’d had with Booth that he was just as broken as Brennan was. He wondered if he should just quit the damn job and go home to be near his sister, but Brennan and Booth assured him it would make no difference.
There were no magic solutions to this chasm because there had never been a tragedy this big before.
His heart ached when he thought of going back to D.C., visiting them and finding Liz gone. Russ could escape the tragedy in California; he could lose himself in the job and in his family.
Russ had been there for Brennan for most of her ups and downs after they had come back into each other’s lives, and he even managed to eavesdrop from another room when Brennan finally told Booth that she was three months pregnant with their little girl. Brennan didn’t want to tell anyone about the pregnancy too soon. She had wanted to wait, after all the misfortune they had with two miscarriages after having Cooper. He remembered hearing Booth’s whoops of delight and the laughter as he spun Brennan in the air. Neither of them knew Russ was there; he had snuck in through the kitchen entrance with his own key. He helped himself to a glass of wine and some snack before making his presence known.
Russ pled the fifth when Booth’s eyes still hopelessly twinkling gave him the third degree about spying on their private moment. He shrugged, knowing he wasn’t really angry… The three of them toasted gleefully.
That’s the kind of family they had become, but now there wasn’t any of that happiness. It had all vanished with Liz. Russ could hear it in the dead tone in Brennan’s voice. The only time there was any emotion was when she spoke of her son. Booth’s voice had been equally disconsolate. Russ didn’t have the heart to push either of them, and they had to deal with it in their own way. He knew that they would make it back to each other like they always did.
“How are you?” Russ asked just as he did with every phone call; they had it down to a boring routine.
“Fine, Russ. I promise you I’m fine.”
“Uh huh… what about Cooper?”
“Great, wonderful. He’s the best little boy…” Brennan answered lovingly.
“And Booth? Has anything changed between the two of you?” The hope on his voice was not lost on Brennan.
“I told you the last time we spoke to stop asking. Nothing has changed or ever will, trust me. It’s over. I’m not going back. It’s good now - we don’t fight, there isn’t any tension, and we don’t have to worry about lack of communication. He gets to see Cooper whenever he wants, and it’s just easier.”
“That’s bull, Tempe.” Russ was tired of hearing this dreary explanation. “You can try to fool everyone else including yourself, but just don’t try to pull one over on me. You know and I know that it’s not easier. The only reason you’re not fighting is because you are not talking anymore. That doesn’t mean that you have solved your problems, it only means that you have run away from them.”
“Oh and what do you call you going to California? You could have stayed. Don’t lecture me Russ; you’re not exactly the shining example of facing your feelings.”
“This isn’t about me, this is about you. You are married to Booth, and both of you lost that little girl. She was part of the both of you, and I know you are both hurting more than I can ever imagine. Why are you doing this, Tempe? Why are you pushing him away? What did he do? He doesn’t even know what he did.”
“Russ, I told you, no interfering, long distance or otherwise, if you keep this up…” Brennan’s tone was threatening.
“What? You will punch my lights out? I don’t think so. Unless maybe, you and Cooper get your ass on a plane and come here.” Russ would love to see them. He would love to have some time to get Brennan to admit that she was pushing away the man she loved, or to admit that she blamed herself for losing Liz.
“No! I don’t want to travel now, Russ. My last plane ride…” She choked on her words. “Really, you have to stop. You are way too busy to entertain visitors, and I’m way too busy to leave.”
“Busy? With what? You are not working. Tempe, was quitting your job really necessary? Do you even know what you are doing? You love that place as much as anyone else.”
“Not anymore. Russ, I have to go. There is something in the oven…”
“Well, geez. I will wait Tempe. Go ahead and take it out.” Russ knew when he was being ditched.
“I have other things… I have to go Russ.” Brennan got frustrated; having someone know you as well as the two of them knew each other was a pain in the ass.
“Yeah I know. You are so busy. I will be calling again on Friday, like always. Tempe, next time we chat, you are going to do some talking.”
“Okay,” Brennan agreed just to placate him.
“I love you Tempe. You know that if you need anything, you can just call me, okay.”
A/N: Good news is, no Emma in this chapter. So that has to be a good thing, right? What did you guys think of Cam and Angela’s talk to Booth? And Brennan and Russ’ talk? Please let me know what you guys think. Review away.
Author: biba79
Disclaimer: Characters aren’t mine, they belong to Hart Hanson.
Pairings/Characters: Booth/Brennan
Rating: T
Summary: An event tests Booth and Brennan's relationship. Booth kept telling himself that it would take time, and he needed to be patient. Will they be able to get through it? Future Fic! B/B!
Word Count: 3,607
Spoiler: None
Preview Chapters: One - Two - Three - Four - Five - Six - Seven - Eight - Nine - Ten - Eleven - Twelve - Thirteen - Fourteen - Fifteen - Sixteen - Seventeen
A/N: I know I just posted yesterday, but the reviews have been amazing and I couldn’t help but post today too, besides, I promised Rankor01 I would post today. Thank you so much everyone for the reviews, I know some of you are worried about Emma, and some of you don’t like her, but I can tell you that Emma will be the catalyst of it all, just hang in there and you will be glad you did. Thanks for all the support, you guys are amazing.
I want to thank Angie (angiebc) and Hannah (BrainySmurf6) for their amazing help and beta-reading. They are just awesome, I couldn’t have asked for better betas. Thanks ladies. Also, I want to update the last few chapters as fast as possible, but the latest chapters are with the beta, so you guys can blame Angie for taking so long to update! Luv ya Angie. Haha!
Also, a little promotion for my fantastic beta Jen (jsq), she just started a fic, and it’s so freaking amazing that I can’t help but help promote, so people read it. So, please take five minutes of your time and go read it, it’s really good, you won’t regret it. Although mind the ratings and read the warning, the fic is not for everyone.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6782070/1/The_Light_Through_the_Dark
I’m sorry for the long Author’s note.
Song “Look After You” by The Fray.
If I don't say this now I will surely break
As I'm leaving the one I want to take
Forgive the urgency but hurry up and wait
My heart has started to separate
There now, steady love, so few come and don't go
Will you, won't you be the one I always know?
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down
If ever there was a doubt
My love she leans into me
This most assuredly counts
She says most assuredly
It's always have and never hold
You've begun to feel like home
What's mine is yours to leave or take
What's mine is yours to make your own
Chapter 18
Booth received a message to pick up Cooper from Angela’s house. Now he realized why. Cam and Angela obviously had hatched the get-Brennan-out-project together. In spite of the near catastrophe, he was really grateful. What he didn’t expect was a firing squad, complete with Cam, when he arrived to Angela’s.
“Cam, what are you doing here?” Booth asked, surprised to see her.
“Why do I feel like it’s last night all over again?” Cam shook her finger at him, and her eyes did that thing that made him cringe. “What am I doing here? What do you think, Booth? What in the hell are you thinking?”
“Keep your voice down. Cooper will hear you.” Booth glared at her in frustration.
“I’ll take them to the kitchen for some milk and cookies. You two keep it down until I’ve taken care of it,” Angela instructed.
Angela soon had both kids in tow, but Cooper spied his Dad.
“Daddy!” He ran to him, delighted to see him. Booth loved these first moments of their reunion, and he hated them too, because there shouldn’t be a need for reunions, they should be with each other every day.
Grace, Angela and Hodgins’ six-year-old daughter, an affectionate and sweet little girl, couldn’t resist getting a hug from Uncle Seeley. As soon as Booth set Cooper down, she flung her little body happily against him. His arms flew around her; a rush of sorrow hit him as he held her, shattering his heart into a million pieces. He remembered Liz’s little, chubby arms hugging him like this. He remembered the feel of her so close, the smells of the scent that was her. For a moment, he felt as though she was back, she had come back to Daddy. He became tortured by the memory.
Angela saw immediately what he was going through, and she let him hug Grace for a moment more, knowing how horrible it must be hugging someone else’s little girl. She didn’t want Cooper to have to witness his Daddy totally falling apart. She quickly rescued Booth by taking Grace gently away. Booth kept his back to his son, and Angela whisked the children off to the kitchen, chattering animatedly, intent on taking the focus off Booth and distracting the children.
Cam was crying openly by the time they were out of earshot. She approached him, instantly forgetting what she was mad about only a few moments before. She kneeled next to him patting and rubbing his shaking back.
“Oh God! I wasn’t expecting… I should have known… Grace is such a cuddle bug too…” Booth cried.
Cam sniffled, placing a quieting hand on his shoulder.
He turned into her arms slowly, hugging her tightly as he composed himself.
“I’m sorry.” Booth said sadly.
Angela returned to the room and felt totally compelled by the scene to do something, anything, to take the heartache from Booth.
“It’s okay Booth, I’m the one who’s sorry, I didn’t think…” Angela apologized.
He put a hand up to stop her. “No. It’s good. I’m fine.” He swiped his betraying eyes. “I just… miss her.” He stood on wobbly legs, and Cam stood with him, still clutching an arm to support him.
“Booth, we know you miss her. I know you don’t think we understand, and I know we can’t ever completely understand, but… we love you… we care about you and Brennan so very much.” Angela reassured him, wanting him to feel loved, to help him heal if she could.
“I know you do…”
“And we care so much that we decided to get Brennan out of the house last night…” Cam was back on track. No matter what he was going through, he had some explaining to do.
Booth nodded gratefully.
“But what the hell were you doing there too, Booth? And with that woman?” Cam couldn’t keep the genuine admonishment out of her voice.
“I’m learning how to get past the worst time of my life…” Booth explained sadly.
“By having an affair?” Angela asked disapprovingly.
“I’m not having an affair.”
“What then were you doing out on a date?” Cam asked.
“It wasn’t a date! I was taking a friend to see an artist she loves on concert. Thanks to you not choosing to tell me you and Bones were going, she missed it!” Booth said irritated.
“Well, I wasn’t expecting to see you there with a date!” Cam barked back. “Especially a woman like that.”
“She’s not a date, I keep telling you, and as for ‘a woman like that’? Where do you get off?”
“And she dates married men!” Cam argued. Angela wisely stayed quiet. She knew better than to interrupt Cam and Booth.
“I’m not dating her, will you listen? I’m seeing her because she knows.” Booth emphasized it with his hands.
“She knows?” Cam was not about to be placated. It was such a close call. She couldn’t believe that he was defending his actions. “What does she know? That you are lonely and vulnerable and conveniently available? Please!”
“Yes, I’m all of that. Okay? I am and she is too.”
“And that makes it okay to date her?” Cam couldn’t believe her ears.
“I’m not dating her. I’m going to her for therapy okay? She is helping me cope. She knows what it is to lose a child.” Booth was upset that he was under suspicion; he already felt a bit guilty over the incredibly wonderful feeling that he’d had while dancing with Emma the night before.
“She’s…” Cam couldn’t even finish it.
“She lost her husband and her five year old son in a car accident three years ago. She’s a teacher at Cooper’s, what used to be Cooper’s school. She isn’t a home wrecker. She’s an honest-to-God survivor of this horror. Do you have any idea what it’s like for me to try and talk to you? You guys can’t understand. I know you want to, but you just don’t. I can’t talk to Bones. I can’t even see her. What am I supposed to do? Emma offered to talk to me, and she offered to listen in spite of the fact that it brings back all her pain.”
He saw his firing squad had put down their hands. They were listening intently; expressions of sympathy obviously replaced the ire of a few moments before.
“I was a total jerk to her twice, and I felt really badly. She’s been like an angel to me, and I have been moody and testy, and she’s put up with me because she understands. She doesn’t judge me. You guys expect too much. I can’t do what you seem to expect of me anymore. I am not just going to pretend it didn’t happen, because every single day I think about it, and I know it did. I can’t pretend that I’m going to be okay, and Bones is going to be okay, or that we will ever be okay again, together or apart. You guys just don’t know, and thinking it can be fixed… it just can’t. It won’t be fixed.”
“You can’t confide in us? We love you, Booth. You have always turned to us. We are your family.” Cam wished that she was enough for him to confide in. She had never not helped him before, and she didn’t find it easy to stand aside and let someone else, a virtual stranger, do it. If she was a licensed therapist that would be one thing, but the fact that this woman was hurting and lonely... she just didn’t get a good feeling about it. “We are all here for you, Booth.”
“I have to have someone who doesn’t expect anything. Who isn’t totally focused on reuniting me with Bones. Bones doesn’t want me. Did she even mention my name last night, Cam?”
She shook her head sadly.
“See, what am I supposed to do? I can’t share anything with the only person I should be able to. I can’t talk about it with you guys. You think this is easy?”
“No, of course not, Booth,” Angela said gently.
“It’s like being in some horrible nightmare and not being able to wake up,” Booth tried to explain.
“So, you are seeing this woman…” Cam started.
“Her name is Emma Foster.”
“You are seeing Emma because…” Cam wasn’t so sure she was satisfied.
“She loves music; she’s a music teacher, like I said. I got her tickets and took her because I wanted to thank her. That’s what you saw me doing. I was thanking Emma for helping me get through this a little bit. Do you want to know why I’m seeing her? It’s to get some perspective on why Bones is doing what she’s doing. Emma has been in Bones’ shoes and then some. I started to talk to her because of Bones, and now I’m talking to her because I need her too. She even tried to call Bones, but Bones is in such a dark hole, Emma can’t get her to return even a phone call.”
“She’s willing to help Brennan too?” Cam asked softening.
“God yes. She knows the hell Bones is in, she knows that she could get to her mother to mother in a way no one else can, but Bones won’t let her.”
“Booth, why didn’t you tell us?” Angela asked.
“Because of this…” He pointed to them. “You guys would think and believe the worst of me, and because you don’t know what it’s like. Bones was right when she said that months ago, you can’t know. As much as you love me, you will never know, and I hope to God that you never have to find out.”
Cam wiped a tear again. “I’m sorry, Booth.”
He nodded, knowing they meant well.
“You got Bones out of the house. How in the hell did you do that?”
“It took a little persuasion, and it took getting Angela to get her to agree to Cooper staying here last night.”
“So, how did it go? Did she agree right away?”
“Well, only after I told her that if she didn’t, I would tell you, and I would help you and support you to file custody papers to take him away…”
“Oh God! What did she say?” Booth felt pangs of fear. They shouldn’t do anything without consulting him. He didn’t want her to shy further away… not that she could.
“She was angry that we threatened her, but she let him stay, and she came, so I would say that’s progress…” Cam offered him some hope, slim as it was.
“And did she like the concert?”
“Like is a strong word.” Cam’s eyes indicate that she didn’t.
Booth looked down sadly. He got no hope from this information. “Please, I appreciate what you are trying to do, both of you; but please, no more moves on Bones without letting me know. I don’t want her to be afraid of losing Cooper. It might send her completely over the edge. We just have to be careful.”
“Okay, Booth. But you be careful too. I mean, you are lonely and vulnerable, and she must be too, poor lady. I’m sorry I snapped at you and jumped to conclusions. I don’t always think the worst, but this is the worst situation ever, so I mean… a part of me wouldn’t blame you…” Cam was speaking honestly; how long was he supposed to stay away from Brennan and not want comfort from somewhere else or someone else? Emma, who was so in tune with where he was and what he needed, how could she hold it against him? Right now she was grateful to anyone who could help him or Brennan. “I really couldn’t blame you…” Cam said it again sympathetically.
“I would blame me, Cam. I love my wife, or what’s left of her.” Booth’s eyes got teary again as he shook his head hopelessly.
X-X-X-X-X-X
Brennan got her twice-weekly-without-fail-phone-call from Russ. Russ had been fully in a protective big brother mode since he heard the news. He had offered to come home a zillion times, but Brennan would not hear of it. Russ accepted a job the day after Liz’s fifth birthday. He had cried and laughed, but he couldn’t turn down this chance, and his sister had given him the final push to say ‘yes’ by confirming Russ’ thoughts that offers of jobs like these in California did not come up every day.
Russ thought that things had settled down and that life was normal at last, as normal as it could ever be. At least Russ knew that she was going to be okay because she had married Booth. He packed up and moved to California to begin the newest phase of his life with his family.
But now as they spoke on the phone, Brennan couldn’t help but wish that she hadn’t been so quick to give Russ the loving nudge. There was a little longing for the brother and sister days, when they shared just about everything, and there was nothing the two of them couldn’t talk about. Their relationship had grown immensely over the years.
“So, how are you doing, Tempe?” Russ asked, torturing himself over not being there for his sister. Russ had moved to D.C. to be near his family when Cooper was born, and he had a wonderful time being close to his family. He shouldn’t have left D.C. and taken the job in California. Knowing what a horrible time Brennan was having only made the fact that he loved California and his new job that much more guilt ridden. If anyone should have had happiness now, it was Brennan and Booth. He just couldn’t believe that they had separated and that he hadn’t at least tried to get Brennan back.
Russ knew from the few conversations he’d had with Booth that he was just as broken as Brennan was. He wondered if he should just quit the damn job and go home to be near his sister, but Brennan and Booth assured him it would make no difference.
There were no magic solutions to this chasm because there had never been a tragedy this big before.
His heart ached when he thought of going back to D.C., visiting them and finding Liz gone. Russ could escape the tragedy in California; he could lose himself in the job and in his family.
Russ had been there for Brennan for most of her ups and downs after they had come back into each other’s lives, and he even managed to eavesdrop from another room when Brennan finally told Booth that she was three months pregnant with their little girl. Brennan didn’t want to tell anyone about the pregnancy too soon. She had wanted to wait, after all the misfortune they had with two miscarriages after having Cooper. He remembered hearing Booth’s whoops of delight and the laughter as he spun Brennan in the air. Neither of them knew Russ was there; he had snuck in through the kitchen entrance with his own key. He helped himself to a glass of wine and some snack before making his presence known.
Russ pled the fifth when Booth’s eyes still hopelessly twinkling gave him the third degree about spying on their private moment. He shrugged, knowing he wasn’t really angry… The three of them toasted gleefully.
That’s the kind of family they had become, but now there wasn’t any of that happiness. It had all vanished with Liz. Russ could hear it in the dead tone in Brennan’s voice. The only time there was any emotion was when she spoke of her son. Booth’s voice had been equally disconsolate. Russ didn’t have the heart to push either of them, and they had to deal with it in their own way. He knew that they would make it back to each other like they always did.
“How are you?” Russ asked just as he did with every phone call; they had it down to a boring routine.
“Fine, Russ. I promise you I’m fine.”
“Uh huh… what about Cooper?”
“Great, wonderful. He’s the best little boy…” Brennan answered lovingly.
“And Booth? Has anything changed between the two of you?” The hope on his voice was not lost on Brennan.
“I told you the last time we spoke to stop asking. Nothing has changed or ever will, trust me. It’s over. I’m not going back. It’s good now - we don’t fight, there isn’t any tension, and we don’t have to worry about lack of communication. He gets to see Cooper whenever he wants, and it’s just easier.”
“That’s bull, Tempe.” Russ was tired of hearing this dreary explanation. “You can try to fool everyone else including yourself, but just don’t try to pull one over on me. You know and I know that it’s not easier. The only reason you’re not fighting is because you are not talking anymore. That doesn’t mean that you have solved your problems, it only means that you have run away from them.”
“Oh and what do you call you going to California? You could have stayed. Don’t lecture me Russ; you’re not exactly the shining example of facing your feelings.”
“This isn’t about me, this is about you. You are married to Booth, and both of you lost that little girl. She was part of the both of you, and I know you are both hurting more than I can ever imagine. Why are you doing this, Tempe? Why are you pushing him away? What did he do? He doesn’t even know what he did.”
“Russ, I told you, no interfering, long distance or otherwise, if you keep this up…” Brennan’s tone was threatening.
“What? You will punch my lights out? I don’t think so. Unless maybe, you and Cooper get your ass on a plane and come here.” Russ would love to see them. He would love to have some time to get Brennan to admit that she was pushing away the man she loved, or to admit that she blamed herself for losing Liz.
“No! I don’t want to travel now, Russ. My last plane ride…” She choked on her words. “Really, you have to stop. You are way too busy to entertain visitors, and I’m way too busy to leave.”
“Busy? With what? You are not working. Tempe, was quitting your job really necessary? Do you even know what you are doing? You love that place as much as anyone else.”
“Not anymore. Russ, I have to go. There is something in the oven…”
“Well, geez. I will wait Tempe. Go ahead and take it out.” Russ knew when he was being ditched.
“I have other things… I have to go Russ.” Brennan got frustrated; having someone know you as well as the two of them knew each other was a pain in the ass.
“Yeah I know. You are so busy. I will be calling again on Friday, like always. Tempe, next time we chat, you are going to do some talking.”
“Okay,” Brennan agreed just to placate him.
“I love you Tempe. You know that if you need anything, you can just call me, okay.”
A/N: Good news is, no Emma in this chapter. So that has to be a good thing, right? What did you guys think of Cam and Angela’s talk to Booth? And Brennan and Russ’ talk? Please let me know what you guys think. Review away.