Shitty End To A Shitty Holiday
My holidays have been the crappest i've ever had. Well, they're about even with my last summer holidays. I have never felt so low and hated myself more than i do right now. I'm frustrated with myself so much. I hate the fact that i'm not thin, i'm not blonde, i'm not beautiful, i'm not rich, i'm not famous and i'm not 18 yet. Matt's at Corys with all his friends and i was supposed to go but i'm not cause they're all going out clubbing afterwards which is around now. I hate it. This is my last night of holidays and i've got nothing to do. I'm stuck at home crying my eyes out and wanting to slit my wrists, run in front of a car, or hang myself. It's Danis party tonight and of course i wasn't invited. Everyones having fun but me. I hate my life. I hate me. I don't want to be here anymore. I have the worst fucking boyfriend in the world. He leaves me all on my own when he knows how depressed and sad i am then fucking turns off his phone so i cant call him and when i did manage to get a hold of him he didn't fucking care if i was dead or alive. He fucking hung up on me. I just tried calling him again for the 80th time and still his phone is off. I don't know what i want him to do...i want him to not go out, come over here, us go and buy drinks, then party it up at home seeing as the parents are gone and i've got the house basically to myself. Shonelle and Chris are here and they've just ordered pizza. I'm proud cause i said i didnt want any but Shonelle told me she ordered enough so that if i get hungry i can eat something. Damn her and her politeness!
I feel like i'm going to pass out from being so upset. My eyes are red and hurt cause of all the crying i've done. My head hurts so bad and i'm pretty sure the glass of wine i'm drinking won't be helping it.
Okay well i'm going to go and attempt to kill myself...not really...but i will cry more and eventually pass out from my own mental pain and frustration with myself and this fucking world and all the fucked people in it....the alcohol might help the whole passing out this too.
I feel like i'm going to pass out from being so upset. My eyes are red and hurt cause of all the crying i've done. My head hurts so bad and i'm pretty sure the glass of wine i'm drinking won't be helping it.
Okay well i'm going to go and attempt to kill myself...not really...but i will cry more and eventually pass out from my own mental pain and frustration with myself and this fucking world and all the fucked people in it....the alcohol might help the whole passing out this too.