Get over it?
Alright, so I feel like the world is against me and could be wearing a badge that says emo moment for all I care. I don't feel like starting at the beginning because curiously I don't know where it is. All is I know right now, is that I am feeling jealous, spiteful and in a foul humor. I am being unreasonable and emotional so resorting to the ever faithful livejournal rant is my preferred option.
Oh and on a lighter note, remember those circular corn crackers about the size of your palm that your mum used to smear with butter and vegemite- just had some and they are delicious as ever 10 years on. I like it.
Anyhow. There has been a new tattoo studio in the works for just over a month or so now. Since it's mention it has been a worry and a thorn in my side, I have been stressing out about it nonstop. Of course, there were rumours flying around through the employees and whatnot which I won't go into but at the end of it is became apparent that life was about to change.
And not to my liking.
I am to stay at the current location, with a tattooist and the apprentice. And Jimmy and the International artist are to go to the new studio.
So first off, Jimmy and I are being parted. He to work in this new fan-dangle studio whilst I remain here in our comfortable yet out of the way, newly renovated studio (which we happen to literally live next door to for purposes of being closer to work). I am pissed off we won't see each other each day, we will be working different hours and not even have the same days off together. In fact as it stands I don't think Jimmy is having any days off! I have been with him for just over three years and of these I have worked with him side by side for basically the whole duration. I thoroughly enjoy his company and whilst we don't spend every minute of everyday fuck arsing around together I do know he is right there. Now I won't see him barely at all. We won't spend any time together! And when we do we are going to be that fucking over the day that we just want to sleep. I will miss him. Terribly.
I will be honest and say that not only that but I like to know where he is and what he is doing. If he is not around me I will be paranoid and stressed in a kind of codependent and possessive way. I am trying to think of advantages like, oh well at least you'll treasure the time you do get to spend together or some other crap but fuck that. I want to have him all day all night for the rest of my life. Or his. Half the reason I persevere with this crap is because I know we are in it together. I feel like my security blanket is being torn away from me. Granted there has been fair warning but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with.
Inked Generation opens one suburb away on Monday and with it goes my love. Melodramatic. Yes. Care factor? Zero.
Now let me just state another little morsel of information, had I been remaining here in the current place of employment with good friends or coworkers, perhaps my horror and foreboding dread might have been less. But as it stands I am to stay here with a coworker I have had arguments, disagreements and barely concealed dislike towards for the entirety of my employment. There is no nice way to go say it other than we are completely incompatible in nature and personality. We are even astrologically polar opposites. (dragon and dog years).
The point is - once there is less people in the vicinity there is more chance of open warfare between us. Don't get me wrong, I know I contribute 110% towards the debacles, it takes two to tango. But we seriously just do not work well together, we don't like or appreciate each other. We don't bring out the best in each other. We quarrel. We bicker. We act like children.
Now I have been on my best behaviour in lue of the fact I know I am going to be stuck here with him but that doesn't mean it has been easy. I consulted the I Ching and acted in a little by little fashion, which has been working well I suppose.
Admittedly he has been pretty good to work with but I know what we are both capable of. And I know how we work together given past experiences. I also know he has not really grown or advanced as a person and will not hesitate in resorting to his childish, manipulative and troublesome tactics which will prove detrimental to me.
He is will not help around the shop as far as keeping it clean and tidy (which my boss is pedantic about). But he does tattoo a lot, he makes the boss a lot of money on a weekly basis. Which is fair enough.
I suppose I am jealous of the fact he tattoos so much and has so much work on when I am struggling to get even one appointment a week. He gets out and socializes and brings new work in by word of mouth, he also jumps on new customers faster than anyone and takes lion share of the work. I am just off my apprenticeship which means with four artists including myself in the shop, I am way at the end of the pecking order.
This is no doubt to change once there is only two of us but I have the worry, it's not a gut feeling or instinct, it is a dead set fear that things will be terrible when I am left here with him. In truth he has not done anything in particular to inspire this, I am just fretting on past experience.
I know I will have to step up massively as well once the new shop opens. Due to the fact I will be the second artist here. Driz is more experienced and does better work than I can but I know I will get better and better the more I do. Unfortunately at the moment I am not getting the chance to advance quickly due to the lack of work available to go around. So it is kind of like a cycle that is about to break. Maybe I am hesitant because I am not confident in my abilities. Which would be stupid because I know I am competent and able.
Adding to this insecurity is the fact we have a new apprentice who'll be staying here as well. He has been here for about two months and personality wise we get along great. He is 16 and madly into piercings with a good energy and aura about him. He is like a kid brother and I thoroughly enjoy his company. He ended up getting the job through a mutual friend of the bosses ra ra ra. He is only sixteen and quite innocent but had been backyard tattooing from home for quite some time. He is pretty bloody good as far as lining and solid black work goes and I know he will be a good tattooist one day. But I am feeling rather unsettled due to a couple of reasons.
Not due to his own doing the situation arose where the boss decided in his infinite wisdom that Jethro should be tattooing ASAP and that he was to get people in and tattoo them for practice. Sure no worries right? He is an apprentice, that's what they're meant to do?
Alright, but the rule prior to that that I and Driz had to endure was that your weren't meant to tattoo at all for a year, you're just meant to clean and earn the right to even hold a machine. You have to clean clean clean and run the whole shop basically, ordering, stencils, bays, cleaning, phones etc etc. But after two months here, the newbie is permitted to tattoo. That's bullshit.
Not only that, he has none of his own equipment aside from machines so he is using my bay, our inks, our needles, our tubes (by our I mean mine and Jimmy's). Fair enough I am not using my bay I have no jobs granted. But the inks and needles WE HAVE TO BUY ourselves. Out of our freaking pockets. So basically it is costing us money for him to tattoo, which neither of us thought he should be permitted to do in the first place. We are broke as fuck and we are shafted with the new apprentices costs of running. He is not charging because he is learning, but why the fuck are we footed with the bill? Not the other artists, not the shop or the boss or even him?! It makes me angry.
And it isn't just one tattoo, he has done four tattoos in as many days and doesn't seem to be holding back. He has no trouble getting mates in to practise on (something I had huge amounts of trouble with because I didn't know anyone up here) and he has already practise so much that there is no need to be charging nothing for his work. I would honestly say he has done more tattoos than I have and I am meant to be a tattooist!
I am worried that he will be better than me and I will get fired or shit put on me because he will do better work.
Realistically, he has done minimal amounts of colour and shading, mostly just lettering and black work and that but still I am freaking out. I can't tell anyone except for Jimmy because no doubt they will think I am being a horrid bitch but this is what's happening. I know he can sense my reservation and dislike of the situation and it's honestly not his fault. I should be encouraging and happy for him because truly I am stoked for him. I wish my apprenticeship had been like that. But it wasn't. And here we are. And I am having serious troubles with my feelings of jealousy and resentment towards the situation.
I know if I were a better artist instead of being so lazy with my work that I would be confident enough and secure enough to be happy with my own abilities. But I am not. I want to be.
With the added stress of Jimmy leaving I know I am being unfair and mentally retarded about it all but that tends not to matter when you are in the midst of an emotional crisis.
Jimmy is a tool. But he makes me laugh and smile. And soon he will be gone. And I will be left with the horrid little mean monster and an apprentice that's going to kick my ass. Great. Sounds freaking great.
Oh and on a lighter note, remember those circular corn crackers about the size of your palm that your mum used to smear with butter and vegemite- just had some and they are delicious as ever 10 years on. I like it.
Anyhow. There has been a new tattoo studio in the works for just over a month or so now. Since it's mention it has been a worry and a thorn in my side, I have been stressing out about it nonstop. Of course, there were rumours flying around through the employees and whatnot which I won't go into but at the end of it is became apparent that life was about to change.
And not to my liking.
I am to stay at the current location, with a tattooist and the apprentice. And Jimmy and the International artist are to go to the new studio.
So first off, Jimmy and I are being parted. He to work in this new fan-dangle studio whilst I remain here in our comfortable yet out of the way, newly renovated studio (which we happen to literally live next door to for purposes of being closer to work). I am pissed off we won't see each other each day, we will be working different hours and not even have the same days off together. In fact as it stands I don't think Jimmy is having any days off! I have been with him for just over three years and of these I have worked with him side by side for basically the whole duration. I thoroughly enjoy his company and whilst we don't spend every minute of everyday fuck arsing around together I do know he is right there. Now I won't see him barely at all. We won't spend any time together! And when we do we are going to be that fucking over the day that we just want to sleep. I will miss him. Terribly.
I will be honest and say that not only that but I like to know where he is and what he is doing. If he is not around me I will be paranoid and stressed in a kind of codependent and possessive way. I am trying to think of advantages like, oh well at least you'll treasure the time you do get to spend together or some other crap but fuck that. I want to have him all day all night for the rest of my life. Or his. Half the reason I persevere with this crap is because I know we are in it together. I feel like my security blanket is being torn away from me. Granted there has been fair warning but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with.
Inked Generation opens one suburb away on Monday and with it goes my love. Melodramatic. Yes. Care factor? Zero.
Now let me just state another little morsel of information, had I been remaining here in the current place of employment with good friends or coworkers, perhaps my horror and foreboding dread might have been less. But as it stands I am to stay here with a coworker I have had arguments, disagreements and barely concealed dislike towards for the entirety of my employment. There is no nice way to go say it other than we are completely incompatible in nature and personality. We are even astrologically polar opposites. (dragon and dog years).
The point is - once there is less people in the vicinity there is more chance of open warfare between us. Don't get me wrong, I know I contribute 110% towards the debacles, it takes two to tango. But we seriously just do not work well together, we don't like or appreciate each other. We don't bring out the best in each other. We quarrel. We bicker. We act like children.
Now I have been on my best behaviour in lue of the fact I know I am going to be stuck here with him but that doesn't mean it has been easy. I consulted the I Ching and acted in a little by little fashion, which has been working well I suppose.
Admittedly he has been pretty good to work with but I know what we are both capable of. And I know how we work together given past experiences. I also know he has not really grown or advanced as a person and will not hesitate in resorting to his childish, manipulative and troublesome tactics which will prove detrimental to me.
He is will not help around the shop as far as keeping it clean and tidy (which my boss is pedantic about). But he does tattoo a lot, he makes the boss a lot of money on a weekly basis. Which is fair enough.
I suppose I am jealous of the fact he tattoos so much and has so much work on when I am struggling to get even one appointment a week. He gets out and socializes and brings new work in by word of mouth, he also jumps on new customers faster than anyone and takes lion share of the work. I am just off my apprenticeship which means with four artists including myself in the shop, I am way at the end of the pecking order.
This is no doubt to change once there is only two of us but I have the worry, it's not a gut feeling or instinct, it is a dead set fear that things will be terrible when I am left here with him. In truth he has not done anything in particular to inspire this, I am just fretting on past experience.
I know I will have to step up massively as well once the new shop opens. Due to the fact I will be the second artist here. Driz is more experienced and does better work than I can but I know I will get better and better the more I do. Unfortunately at the moment I am not getting the chance to advance quickly due to the lack of work available to go around. So it is kind of like a cycle that is about to break. Maybe I am hesitant because I am not confident in my abilities. Which would be stupid because I know I am competent and able.
Adding to this insecurity is the fact we have a new apprentice who'll be staying here as well. He has been here for about two months and personality wise we get along great. He is 16 and madly into piercings with a good energy and aura about him. He is like a kid brother and I thoroughly enjoy his company. He ended up getting the job through a mutual friend of the bosses ra ra ra. He is only sixteen and quite innocent but had been backyard tattooing from home for quite some time. He is pretty bloody good as far as lining and solid black work goes and I know he will be a good tattooist one day. But I am feeling rather unsettled due to a couple of reasons.
Not due to his own doing the situation arose where the boss decided in his infinite wisdom that Jethro should be tattooing ASAP and that he was to get people in and tattoo them for practice. Sure no worries right? He is an apprentice, that's what they're meant to do?
Alright, but the rule prior to that that I and Driz had to endure was that your weren't meant to tattoo at all for a year, you're just meant to clean and earn the right to even hold a machine. You have to clean clean clean and run the whole shop basically, ordering, stencils, bays, cleaning, phones etc etc. But after two months here, the newbie is permitted to tattoo. That's bullshit.
Not only that, he has none of his own equipment aside from machines so he is using my bay, our inks, our needles, our tubes (by our I mean mine and Jimmy's). Fair enough I am not using my bay I have no jobs granted. But the inks and needles WE HAVE TO BUY ourselves. Out of our freaking pockets. So basically it is costing us money for him to tattoo, which neither of us thought he should be permitted to do in the first place. We are broke as fuck and we are shafted with the new apprentices costs of running. He is not charging because he is learning, but why the fuck are we footed with the bill? Not the other artists, not the shop or the boss or even him?! It makes me angry.
And it isn't just one tattoo, he has done four tattoos in as many days and doesn't seem to be holding back. He has no trouble getting mates in to practise on (something I had huge amounts of trouble with because I didn't know anyone up here) and he has already practise so much that there is no need to be charging nothing for his work. I would honestly say he has done more tattoos than I have and I am meant to be a tattooist!
I am worried that he will be better than me and I will get fired or shit put on me because he will do better work.
Realistically, he has done minimal amounts of colour and shading, mostly just lettering and black work and that but still I am freaking out. I can't tell anyone except for Jimmy because no doubt they will think I am being a horrid bitch but this is what's happening. I know he can sense my reservation and dislike of the situation and it's honestly not his fault. I should be encouraging and happy for him because truly I am stoked for him. I wish my apprenticeship had been like that. But it wasn't. And here we are. And I am having serious troubles with my feelings of jealousy and resentment towards the situation.
I know if I were a better artist instead of being so lazy with my work that I would be confident enough and secure enough to be happy with my own abilities. But I am not. I want to be.
With the added stress of Jimmy leaving I know I am being unfair and mentally retarded about it all but that tends not to matter when you are in the midst of an emotional crisis.
Jimmy is a tool. But he makes me laugh and smile. And soon he will be gone. And I will be left with the horrid little mean monster and an apprentice that's going to kick my ass. Great. Sounds freaking great.