My Plans...er... Tentative Plans... hmmm... Maybe Just Ideas?
A friend back home sent me a message asking for an update, saying he wanted to live vicariously through me and was curious to hear about my plans. When I finally responded, it ended up sounding more like a journal entry, and I realized that it felt good to type these thoughts out. So here they are.
I've been thinking on how to respond to this.
And I realized I don't even know what to say about my plans.
I want to keep traveling until it's impossible for me to do it anymore.
Ideally, this would allow me to feel like I've really lived and can resign myself to the mundane somewhere in the states, where I finally grow up like everyone else and get a real job, 401(k), the works.
I'm just not sure that it's going to work out that way.
Every other week, my plans seem to change.
I've really stopped calling them plans, now they're merely "ideas."
4 moths ago, I made plans to move into a cheaper apartment with my friend Simon and started really enjoying myself, falling in love with Japan all over again and generally loving life, feeling like I could sign on for another year after my contract is up in March.
...then two of my friends moved back home right after we started to get close.
That was tougher than I thought it would be.
I thought I was okay being this social butterfly flitting around from friend to friend as they came and went, but I'm realizing it's going to be a little harder than that.
Also, one of them basically convinced me that I could get a job in Europe and that a TEFL might help, was easily attainable online, was worth the money, etc.
I was still doubtful that I could do it though, since the main (safe and livable) place willing to hire Americans in large numbers seems to be Spain (last I checked) and even then I'd most likely have a tourist visa and have to leave the country every 3 months.
I was telling this to my friend while in Taiwan when it dawned on me, I've been leaving the country almost as often anyway. And getting around Europe is WAY cheaper than Japan (there are certain disadvantages to living on an expensive, xenophobic island).
That settled it. I was going to start applying for jobs in Europe to see what my options were. I even started thinking about doing a working holiday in Australia, since flights there are cheaper from here, then moving on to Europe.
...Then my family came.
They were supportive, saying they loved the idea of me traveling more and would keep visiting me. The more I spent time with them though, the more I realized I missed home.
For months, I hadn't even THOUGHT of home for more than a fleeting moment of "man, I could go for some Chik-Fil-A" or "man, I wish I could give my friend a hug after all this boy crap."
After my family left, though, I just started feeling doooown.
Travel withdrawals, the reality of having to go back to school (I know, I know, boo-fucking-hoo), AND suddenly being bombarded with thoughts of home... it's just too much.
So now I find myself in this weird in-between.
I miss home, but I don't want to go back. I know I would get my fill of familiar comforts and then go right back to being bored out of my mind and unbearably restless.
I'm not unhappy here, but I don't really think it makes sense to stay until I'm 27. That just sounds nuts.
I could stay, but it wouldn't be because it's the smart choice, it would be because it's easy, like life in Tallahassee. Plus, I need to start saving FAST if I move.
I've even thought about trying for the peace corps again (though there's a lot more competition now).
The main thing keeping me from doing it before was the fear of being alone at 28, which now (since leaving the land of sorority girls and promise rings at 18) strikes me as a little ridiculous.
Then, I realize that if I feel like another year and a half here sounds unbearable, how am I going to survive 2 years and 4 months in the middle of nowhere?
There's more places I want to travel while I'm in Japan, but I can't afford to do it all AND start over again in another country. Peace Corps would help me set up, but I don't know how realistic it is for me to sign on for a 2 and a half year commitment. Plus, I'm starting to get a little too comfortable here, so the thought of uprooting myself again is a little terrifying all over again... but I don't want to stay so long that I leave bitter about Japan.
Basically, I just need to push myself in a certain direction and keep going. I just can't seem to decide which one.
I've been thinking on how to respond to this.
And I realized I don't even know what to say about my plans.
I want to keep traveling until it's impossible for me to do it anymore.
Ideally, this would allow me to feel like I've really lived and can resign myself to the mundane somewhere in the states, where I finally grow up like everyone else and get a real job, 401(k), the works.
I'm just not sure that it's going to work out that way.
Every other week, my plans seem to change.
I've really stopped calling them plans, now they're merely "ideas."
4 moths ago, I made plans to move into a cheaper apartment with my friend Simon and started really enjoying myself, falling in love with Japan all over again and generally loving life, feeling like I could sign on for another year after my contract is up in March.
...then two of my friends moved back home right after we started to get close.
That was tougher than I thought it would be.
I thought I was okay being this social butterfly flitting around from friend to friend as they came and went, but I'm realizing it's going to be a little harder than that.
Also, one of them basically convinced me that I could get a job in Europe and that a TEFL might help, was easily attainable online, was worth the money, etc.
I was still doubtful that I could do it though, since the main (safe and livable) place willing to hire Americans in large numbers seems to be Spain (last I checked) and even then I'd most likely have a tourist visa and have to leave the country every 3 months.
I was telling this to my friend while in Taiwan when it dawned on me, I've been leaving the country almost as often anyway. And getting around Europe is WAY cheaper than Japan (there are certain disadvantages to living on an expensive, xenophobic island).
That settled it. I was going to start applying for jobs in Europe to see what my options were. I even started thinking about doing a working holiday in Australia, since flights there are cheaper from here, then moving on to Europe.
...Then my family came.
They were supportive, saying they loved the idea of me traveling more and would keep visiting me. The more I spent time with them though, the more I realized I missed home.
For months, I hadn't even THOUGHT of home for more than a fleeting moment of "man, I could go for some Chik-Fil-A" or "man, I wish I could give my friend a hug after all this boy crap."
After my family left, though, I just started feeling doooown.
Travel withdrawals, the reality of having to go back to school (I know, I know, boo-fucking-hoo), AND suddenly being bombarded with thoughts of home... it's just too much.
So now I find myself in this weird in-between.
I miss home, but I don't want to go back. I know I would get my fill of familiar comforts and then go right back to being bored out of my mind and unbearably restless.
I'm not unhappy here, but I don't really think it makes sense to stay until I'm 27. That just sounds nuts.
I could stay, but it wouldn't be because it's the smart choice, it would be because it's easy, like life in Tallahassee. Plus, I need to start saving FAST if I move.
I've even thought about trying for the peace corps again (though there's a lot more competition now).
The main thing keeping me from doing it before was the fear of being alone at 28, which now (since leaving the land of sorority girls and promise rings at 18) strikes me as a little ridiculous.
Then, I realize that if I feel like another year and a half here sounds unbearable, how am I going to survive 2 years and 4 months in the middle of nowhere?
There's more places I want to travel while I'm in Japan, but I can't afford to do it all AND start over again in another country. Peace Corps would help me set up, but I don't know how realistic it is for me to sign on for a 2 and a half year commitment. Plus, I'm starting to get a little too comfortable here, so the thought of uprooting myself again is a little terrifying all over again... but I don't want to stay so long that I leave bitter about Japan.
Basically, I just need to push myself in a certain direction and keep going. I just can't seem to decide which one.