let's face it, it's just not what it used to be
ah, halloween. the smell of brisk fall air, little kiddies scampering about in their little costumes, houses soaked in faux spider webbing.... at a time, it used to be one of my favorite times of the whole year.
that time, my friends, has passed.
apparently, somewhere between when i was a wee trick or treater and the present date, people stopped believing in halloween. and i'm not just talking about those crazy jehovah's witness nutjobs who don't believe in being happy and celebrating anything (much less getting free candy). i'm talking about everyone.
and after last year's debacle, you'd think i would have learned my lesson. let's remind everyone: (warning: politically incorrect content to follow) last year was the first year i actually lived in a real house in a real neighborhood and not a dorm or an apartment or my parent's house out in the middle of nowhere. so naturally, the prospect of actually having trick-or-treaters ring the bell and beg for candy was something i looked forward to. we decorated. bought tons of good quality candy. dressed in costume (and made the dogs, much to their dismay) do the same. then we waited, and they came.
and by they, i mean hoards of "kids" ages 5-19, dropped off in the truckloads from some hood rat neighborhood, sans costumes but complete with bookbags to collect their booty (of candy, though it most definitely could be interpreted otherwise). and i gotta tell you, you have to have a massive set of balls to be a 17 year old kid, dressed appropriately as a hip-hop gangsta thug, ring my doorbell, and then just open your bag and expect the candy to fall into it.
that's right. no "trick or treat!", no "may i please have some of your candy?", no "i'm sorry ma'am, i'm really hungry and as you can tell my parents don't love me enough to buy me a halloween costume so i have to go as myself and in case our welfare check doesn't come through this month, i'm really counting on that snicker's bar you've got there."
nothing. just the expectation of something, for nothing.
but there were a few kids who actually decided to put their hearts into it, and it was for those kids that i decided to participate another year. although this year, i segregated my candy. i bought several bags of good candy--snickers, butterfingers, reese cups, etc. and i bought several bags of crap candy--the tootsie roll. it was really quite simple: good costume, asked "trick or treat!"= good candy. no costume, bad attitude= crap candy.
and i'm not kidding. batmans & robins, princesses & cheerleaders, teenage mutant ninja turtles, puppydogs, cats, pumpkins, spiderman, cowboys/girls, wolverines....all got the good candy. if you were venom or a lazy teenage asshole, you got a tootsie roll. i was the anna wintour of candy distribution.
when i was a little girl, my mom always seemed to throw together the most fantastic costumes, even on her meager teacher salary. and even though my dad took us to the best neighborhood in town, we always said, "trick or treat!" and we always said thank you because we were always genuinely grateful for the generosity. unlike santa claus, i guess i never stopped believing in generosity and gratefulness, and while sometimes i am tempted to let my bitter cynicism get the best of me, i'll probably just keep on giving out candy, bitching about the lame ass costumes, and giving out more candy.
as it turns out, vodka and lollipops mixed with frustration don't make for the best dinner, so most of the rest of the night went by in a blur, but i hear there was some bombtastic stromboli.