(no subject)

[biancabird]

Despite initial appearances, the trains on London Underground do not have arm rests on the seats. They have seat dividers. It is occasionally acceptable to use the seat dividers as arm rests, provided there is no one sitting in the seat on the other side of the divider on which you wish to place your arm. If there is someone sitting in either of the seats on either side of you, it is not permissible to use them as such. In these cases, kindly refer back to the rules of extended childhood car trips in which you and a sibling shared the backseat: the median line of the divider marks the end of your seat and the beginning of mine. If you lay even a pinky finger on my seat, you have committed a hostile invasion of my territory, and commotion will ensure. This may or may not include: loud sighs, dirty looks, violent shuffling of Metros, or my elbow being thrust into your ribcage when the train "hits a bump". If you insist on infringing upon my personal space, at least do me the favour of placing your testicles on the seat divider so that I can feel that my spasming elbow may actually do some benefit.

Additionally, if you are in possession of genitalia so large that sitting with your legs together causes you discomfort, consider surgery.