Uh...Hello?/Laugh
He was going to do it right this time. No matter how many times they said it wasn’t possible. Lots of things happened that weren’t possible and so would this. However, despite his optimism, he could feel the shame of failure from his previous attempts slowly creep up his back to try and nestle in his head.
But it would not be a failure this time! This time, it would work. He would achieve the impossible.
He was going to make Mizuno Ami laugh so hard that she could not stand.
Even Usagi whispered that she had never seen it. Sure, Ami giggled. Sure, she laughed quietly. But, no, she had never laughed loudly till her sides hurt and she couldn’t breathe.
This was his challenge.
He tried outrageous klutz attacks. She asked if he was all right. He, not to lose any situation to despair, cheekily replied that he needed the doctor to kiss it better.
He tried jokes. She asked him which book they came from. He sighed and told her.
He tried funny movies. She laughed quietly at Monty Python and giggled at Mel Brooks.
He considered putting his face in something. But that passed the bounds to how much personal humiliation he could stand.
And he could stand a lot.
Which explained his current sure-fire outfit.
He glanced at the clock.
Oh no! 8:02 at night! She would be home soon!
He scrambled to put the finishing touches on his presentation.
At 8:07, the door clicked open.
“Zach? I’m home. Do you want to order out tonigh-Oh my!”
He had put it together nicely, he thought. Dinner by candlelight with him posed provocatively on his grandmother’s dinner table, wearing nothing but the lingerie version of her sailor fuku and holding a can of whipped cream.
Looking at her still shocked expression, he went in for the kill.
“Hello, sweetheart. Do you want dessert now,” he squirted a bit onto his finger and licked it off, “…or later?”
She still looked shocked. Maybe too shocked? Oh god, had he gone too far?
Moving from his provocative laying pose he inquired:
“Ami-ko? Sweetie? Oh, I’m so sorry-“ Babbling he moved suddenly toward her, intent on putting the can of whipped cream down as he moved.
The intent was good. The execution, however, was nothing short of disastrous.
In his rush he practically threw the whipped cream none too gently upon the slightly upraised portion of a fork, causing it to explode everywhere: on him, on his dinner, on the candles. Everywhere. Nothing seemed to escape.
Except her.
Ami had moved back toward the door of the apartment as Zach stayed frozen in his pose of stunned horror.
Then it happened.
It happened so fast that it took Zach a few minutes to comprehend what was happening.
Mizuno Ami was laughing as if she were dying of it, punctuating words with bouts of unrestrained laughter as she collapsed onto her knees and gestured wildly with her hand.
“Zach! That was….the funniest…and…your…face!”
She was clutching her stomach now and Zach would have cheered if he was not so stunned. Every time she looked at him a fresh bout would start and soon he was laughing too and gathering her in his arms.
He was unsure when the embrace became anything other than them clinging to each other for laughing. Ami’s random spells of laughter were lessening and soon she had her head laid against his shoulder, her knees straddling his.
“Zach?”
“Hmm?”
“That was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen!”
Zach tried to do his best version of her sexy pout, but more so looked like he was trying to kiss whipped cream.
“You thought it was funny? I was supposed to seduce you!”
She laughed again, no longer as quiet as normal, and internally he rejoiced.
“If you call that seduction. Usually, Zach, seduction involves more,” her hand snaked down from his shoulder to where his “cleavage” was and traced the line, gathering excess whipped cream with her finger,”…touching.”
“Oh, does it? What else does it involve?”
She giggled is that naughty way he loved.
“Well, not that you’re wearing much, Sailor Mercury, but it usually involves less clothes. “
Her hands hunted for a zipper and could find none. Contemplating this conundrum she managed to do the exact sexy pout he had been trying to emulate moments earlier. Finally, she asked.
“How on earth do you manage this so easily?”
“Talent, love.”
She laughed again outright.
“Oh! It’s because I’m not in character!”
Jumping up, she ran into the bedroom, emerging a short time later wearing some of his grey pants and her short white bathrobe. She’d even put in some earrings to match the ones that appeared whenever he transformed. She threw some flower petals she used as air fresheners into the air and struck a pose.
“I am Zoisite, the Shitennou of Europe!” She said dramatically as her bathrobe “tunic” fell off one shoulder.
Zach was willing to play her game. Still covered in whipped cream he threw himself at her feet, clinging dramatically to her legs.
“Oh, Zoisite, you are by far the most handsome and intellectual of the Shitennnou, will you take me now!?”
Ami laughed at the idea, and then continued with mock seriousness:
“I’m not sure Sailor Mercury, I think I may want to brush my hair.”
Zach growled at her teasing, and then tackled her onto the ground, ignoring her shriek as he wiped off the rest of the whipped cream on her “tunic”.
“Zoisite my love, I think I may have to rip off all of my clothes. Is that preferable?”
“Very preferable, Sailor Mercury. I may have to watch. Is that preferable?”
“All right by me.” With that, Zach ripped off his “outfit”, soon standing naked before her.
“Ooh. Now there’s two Zoisites.”
Zach couldn’t take her sitting there looking so hot in his clothes, part of her bathrobe hanging off her shoulder. It was enough to drive any man crazy!
He practically lunged toward her and there was a bit of a tongue battle combined with a wrestling match for who was going to be on top. Ami ended up top by some miraculous maneuver, but had lost her-his- pants in the process.
She started kissing down his chest, biting certain areas on her way down; giving him a long lick before positioning herself so that she teased him in slow up, down, and around strokes.
As Zoisite attempted to squirm-just a little closer-Ami leaned down and kissed him deeply, leaving him breathless.
“You know what, Zoisite?”
She wanted to talk now!?
“What?”
“You weren’t a very good Sailor Mercury.”
“Oh....Why not?”
She positioned his tip just inside her.
“Because,” she whispered as if it was a secret, “you did not give the speech.”
With that last word, Ami impaled herself on him.
Within moments, Zach couldn’t take the slow pace she set, so he undid her “tunic”, and flipped them.
“In the name of Mercury, I shall punish you.”