(no subject)
First week of PHP over. My mood during the week is even. But during the weekend, not good. I guess being confined to workshop and groups non stop helped my brains to avoid triggers..and there were triggers, the primary being the idea that it was someone else whose screw up that cost my job and career. Once it is the long weekend, I am all by myself. Despite having planned out what I was planning to do, I ended up not doing it. I would sleep, then dreamed of my job, then woke up from the shock of it, telling myself that I no longer have a job or a career, then cried myself awake. I even had to take a Zyprexa on one of the days.
The Php is too much, I honestly think I do not need it, but for a partial intensive it will be much more helpful. Right now all I want is to be free of my possessions. Free of books, my mopeds, my instruments, my firearms, everything. I want to be able to move to wherever I want to. But in reality my mind is my own prisoner. I am decently healthy physically, yet I feel like I am permanently disabled. Mental illness is such a curse.
I look forward to getting more phone calls out, the primary being SIA. It is time, I think I need to attend one of their meetings.
The Php is too much, I honestly think I do not need it, but for a partial intensive it will be much more helpful. Right now all I want is to be free of my possessions. Free of books, my mopeds, my instruments, my firearms, everything. I want to be able to move to wherever I want to. But in reality my mind is my own prisoner. I am decently healthy physically, yet I feel like I am permanently disabled. Mental illness is such a curse.
I look forward to getting more phone calls out, the primary being SIA. It is time, I think I need to attend one of their meetings.