Why Im so proud ...
Had a supremely wonderful day today. Couldnt have asked for better - went to the lake with some girlfriends and spent some serious time on my tan (dont want to burn in Maui. That would suck). Then met up with some of the other girls for too many glasses of wine and FAR too many cigarettes. My lungs will hurt tomorrow - but well worth it. It was one of those lazy, hot (very, very, very hot ... very hot with no AC hot ...) summer days ... the kind that when winter comes around you fantasize about :) So no complaints here!
The other day someone on my FL asked a very real and valid question ... why are so many women so "obsessed" with being an "army wife"???
It got me thinking. And Im not being sarcastic, it is a VERY valid question that I felt deserved at least a bit of soul searching on the subject before I posted my respose. Because, yes, there is the obvious answer of my husbands job. Sure, Im proud of him for what he does. No, slipping on that uniform every day doesnt automatically qualify him for sainthood, but at its very barest bone, it does take some sort of "balls" (for lack of a better word) to join up. Extra nuts go to those who joined up during a time of war. At the most basic level, I have a solid respect for our men and women in uniform. Are some of them shitheads? Yeah, they are (lets be real). Are some of them pretty worthless? Yeah (again, being real). But I know that even for all my amazing attributes (feel free to chime in here with some, if you are so inclined), I sure as shit didnt have the drive to walk into a recruiting office and sign my life away to protect this country. No matter what their reasoning was, you have to give anyone who is serving in our armed forces at least a slight bit of respect, just for the decision to sign those papers ---- can you imagine doing that? Niether can I. So for me, at least, putting aside the content of a persons character, the action of enlistment in and of itself warrents something from me. Im certianly not bowing at anyones feet, but I do acknowledge that on a basic level.
I have a hard time distingushing (for myself) what part of me is proud to be an "army wife" and what part of me is just plain proud to be a "wife".
Now, I know that isnt true for some women. Yes, there are women out there that wear their husbands rank and successes as a badge of their own honor. Sure, its annoying to hear people crown about achievements by proxy. But as much as I can see the point of view from someone who thinks that is ridiculous, I also wonder if, when you are the wife of a soldier, sometimes their accomplishments ARE your accomplishments? I know that when I committed my life to my husband, I made the choice to relinquish some of my dreams in order to pursue HIS dreams in the Army. When I thought about the life that I THOUGHT I wanted, I knew when I said "I Do" that I let go of those dreams, and I chose to replace them with NEW dreams -- ones that were feasible while following my husband around the globe while he excelled at his career. Although I did not give up having my own goals, those goals are light years away from anything that I wanted before I came into this "army life". And because of his crazy schedule, and the drive it takes to be not just a good, but a succesful soldier, I found that even if I had a job outside of the home, my home was a full time job in itself. I cant rely on him to be around for anything - not a vacation, a birthday, a cruise, or anything else we may want to "plan" (there is very little planning in the Army if it doesnt have to do with the Army ....). But along with some of those sacrafices came an equal sense of pride ... when I get a phone call saying that my husband got a promotion, or he got an award, or even just a praise from a difficult NCO, I DO feel as if I achieved something. Everytime anything good comes down to Allen, the thing he says the most is "I could never do this if it werent for you". And even if hes just saying that so I feel better about myself, it works. Because I do like to think that all the things I have sacraficed in order to further his career have helped him get where he is today. So no, I have no right to be a rude bitch because my husband is a SGT. Or to define myself SOLELY on who my husband is, or what he does. But I do feel like taking some pride in his achievements is okay ... because while he was out there kicking ass and taking names for days on end, he always knew that his home and his heart were safe and sound in my hands. I (and so many other wonderful women that I know) become the sole person in charge of what goes on around here. And if youve ever depended on your husband to change a light bulb, fix your brakes, or move your desk, just think about it for a minute -- we dont get that in our life. We better either know how to do it ourselves or know someone who does know how to make it happen. But Im not complaining about that - its made me a stronger and better woman. And I hope I keep growing in it forever.
What I mean by just being proud of being a "wife" is this -- in todays society, it seems that having a good marriage is a lot harder than holding down a career, graduating from college, or so many other things. In todays world, marriage is difficult. And keeping any kind of marriage together is a 50/50 in itself. But a GOOD marriage? Well now, thats the stuff in fictional books with pink covers, right? The thing is, I dont think a good (or even GREAT) marriage is fictional at all, and I know lots of other women who will say that same thing. Now, you certianly dont have to be an army wife to have a good relationship, or to take pride in that wonderful marriage. I think the "pride" factor comes in when you look at all the things that our marriages face - months to years of seperations, long days, hard work, emotional distress, and lets not forget the crappy pay. I think its only natural that when you have a marriage, under those circumstances, that sometimes you would step back and say ... "Man, we really kick ass at this stuff". Because this shit is NOT easy ... and Im proud of every day that I can lay down at night and say that not only do I love my husband more than life itself, but I am PROUD of the life that weve built. No matter what the world (and the Army) has thrown at us, we have come through it on top. Yes, that makes me proud. Because I know that the odds are against us. But it doesnt feel that way when you talk to the person that you love more than life itself and you get those old butterflies, after years of being together. Then you think that there is no other life that you would choose.
ANd last, I think a lot of us are so outspoken about being proud because we have a reality of some pretty dark things that stare us in the face from day to day. Soliders certianly arent the only people in the world who are at risk of dying (obviously we all are someday, but Im just speaking of the kind of death that whips up and takes you by suprise). But military wives have death pushed into their face every single day. That sort of "what if" seems to snap you into appreciation of life and love a bit more than if you didnt have to face that sort of thing every day. I dont think that we have the monopoly on feeling sad about death (to the contrary, I think that we are better equipped to deal than someone who never thinks about that thing and loses a spouse in a car crash unexpectedly), but we do have the burden of that possibility as a part of our every day thoughts.
Now, this is all just my opinion. And Im certianly not saying that every military marriage is a good one. Actually, I would say that a lot of military marriages ARENT good. And I agree 100% that some women ARENT saying or doing the things discussed for the reasons discussed. And it pisses me off just as much as it does the people who comment on how stupid these women are. Because in the long run, those actions discredit those of us who have the real deal - and who are proud wives not because we think its a fun thing to say, but because we really do love our husbands with all of our heart and soul, and even if my husband was a garbage man, I would find a myspace graphic with "Proud Dumpsters Wife". Because it is less about the Army than it is my love for someone who does his job with the same dignity and honor that he serves his home.
I guess my comparison would be that when someone has a "support our troops" sticker on their car, youd think that was nice, right? Because they are supporting the people who do things that not everyone can do, for the greater good of the country. I would compare my "proud army wife" stickers to that - but its just double time because Im not only supporting a soldier, Im supporting my husband as well.
To the person who posted that question, I dont want you to think that Im trying to say you were wrong. In fact, I think you are so RIGHT on what youve said about shitty army wives who only hinge on their husbands achievements and wear their rank like its their own. I hate them as much as you do. It was just a question that was on my mind, because I DONT consider myself to be one of those crappy women, even if I do partake in some of the things that they do :) So this was just a way of me sorting it out and playing the other side for those of us who dont totally suck at life .....
The other day someone on my FL asked a very real and valid question ... why are so many women so "obsessed" with being an "army wife"???
It got me thinking. And Im not being sarcastic, it is a VERY valid question that I felt deserved at least a bit of soul searching on the subject before I posted my respose. Because, yes, there is the obvious answer of my husbands job. Sure, Im proud of him for what he does. No, slipping on that uniform every day doesnt automatically qualify him for sainthood, but at its very barest bone, it does take some sort of "balls" (for lack of a better word) to join up. Extra nuts go to those who joined up during a time of war. At the most basic level, I have a solid respect for our men and women in uniform. Are some of them shitheads? Yeah, they are (lets be real). Are some of them pretty worthless? Yeah (again, being real). But I know that even for all my amazing attributes (feel free to chime in here with some, if you are so inclined), I sure as shit didnt have the drive to walk into a recruiting office and sign my life away to protect this country. No matter what their reasoning was, you have to give anyone who is serving in our armed forces at least a slight bit of respect, just for the decision to sign those papers ---- can you imagine doing that? Niether can I. So for me, at least, putting aside the content of a persons character, the action of enlistment in and of itself warrents something from me. Im certianly not bowing at anyones feet, but I do acknowledge that on a basic level.
I have a hard time distingushing (for myself) what part of me is proud to be an "army wife" and what part of me is just plain proud to be a "wife".
Now, I know that isnt true for some women. Yes, there are women out there that wear their husbands rank and successes as a badge of their own honor. Sure, its annoying to hear people crown about achievements by proxy. But as much as I can see the point of view from someone who thinks that is ridiculous, I also wonder if, when you are the wife of a soldier, sometimes their accomplishments ARE your accomplishments? I know that when I committed my life to my husband, I made the choice to relinquish some of my dreams in order to pursue HIS dreams in the Army. When I thought about the life that I THOUGHT I wanted, I knew when I said "I Do" that I let go of those dreams, and I chose to replace them with NEW dreams -- ones that were feasible while following my husband around the globe while he excelled at his career. Although I did not give up having my own goals, those goals are light years away from anything that I wanted before I came into this "army life". And because of his crazy schedule, and the drive it takes to be not just a good, but a succesful soldier, I found that even if I had a job outside of the home, my home was a full time job in itself. I cant rely on him to be around for anything - not a vacation, a birthday, a cruise, or anything else we may want to "plan" (there is very little planning in the Army if it doesnt have to do with the Army ....). But along with some of those sacrafices came an equal sense of pride ... when I get a phone call saying that my husband got a promotion, or he got an award, or even just a praise from a difficult NCO, I DO feel as if I achieved something. Everytime anything good comes down to Allen, the thing he says the most is "I could never do this if it werent for you". And even if hes just saying that so I feel better about myself, it works. Because I do like to think that all the things I have sacraficed in order to further his career have helped him get where he is today. So no, I have no right to be a rude bitch because my husband is a SGT. Or to define myself SOLELY on who my husband is, or what he does. But I do feel like taking some pride in his achievements is okay ... because while he was out there kicking ass and taking names for days on end, he always knew that his home and his heart were safe and sound in my hands. I (and so many other wonderful women that I know) become the sole person in charge of what goes on around here. And if youve ever depended on your husband to change a light bulb, fix your brakes, or move your desk, just think about it for a minute -- we dont get that in our life. We better either know how to do it ourselves or know someone who does know how to make it happen. But Im not complaining about that - its made me a stronger and better woman. And I hope I keep growing in it forever.
What I mean by just being proud of being a "wife" is this -- in todays society, it seems that having a good marriage is a lot harder than holding down a career, graduating from college, or so many other things. In todays world, marriage is difficult. And keeping any kind of marriage together is a 50/50 in itself. But a GOOD marriage? Well now, thats the stuff in fictional books with pink covers, right? The thing is, I dont think a good (or even GREAT) marriage is fictional at all, and I know lots of other women who will say that same thing. Now, you certianly dont have to be an army wife to have a good relationship, or to take pride in that wonderful marriage. I think the "pride" factor comes in when you look at all the things that our marriages face - months to years of seperations, long days, hard work, emotional distress, and lets not forget the crappy pay. I think its only natural that when you have a marriage, under those circumstances, that sometimes you would step back and say ... "Man, we really kick ass at this stuff". Because this shit is NOT easy ... and Im proud of every day that I can lay down at night and say that not only do I love my husband more than life itself, but I am PROUD of the life that weve built. No matter what the world (and the Army) has thrown at us, we have come through it on top. Yes, that makes me proud. Because I know that the odds are against us. But it doesnt feel that way when you talk to the person that you love more than life itself and you get those old butterflies, after years of being together. Then you think that there is no other life that you would choose.
ANd last, I think a lot of us are so outspoken about being proud because we have a reality of some pretty dark things that stare us in the face from day to day. Soliders certianly arent the only people in the world who are at risk of dying (obviously we all are someday, but Im just speaking of the kind of death that whips up and takes you by suprise). But military wives have death pushed into their face every single day. That sort of "what if" seems to snap you into appreciation of life and love a bit more than if you didnt have to face that sort of thing every day. I dont think that we have the monopoly on feeling sad about death (to the contrary, I think that we are better equipped to deal than someone who never thinks about that thing and loses a spouse in a car crash unexpectedly), but we do have the burden of that possibility as a part of our every day thoughts.
Now, this is all just my opinion. And Im certianly not saying that every military marriage is a good one. Actually, I would say that a lot of military marriages ARENT good. And I agree 100% that some women ARENT saying or doing the things discussed for the reasons discussed. And it pisses me off just as much as it does the people who comment on how stupid these women are. Because in the long run, those actions discredit those of us who have the real deal - and who are proud wives not because we think its a fun thing to say, but because we really do love our husbands with all of our heart and soul, and even if my husband was a garbage man, I would find a myspace graphic with "Proud Dumpsters Wife". Because it is less about the Army than it is my love for someone who does his job with the same dignity and honor that he serves his home.
I guess my comparison would be that when someone has a "support our troops" sticker on their car, youd think that was nice, right? Because they are supporting the people who do things that not everyone can do, for the greater good of the country. I would compare my "proud army wife" stickers to that - but its just double time because Im not only supporting a soldier, Im supporting my husband as well.
To the person who posted that question, I dont want you to think that Im trying to say you were wrong. In fact, I think you are so RIGHT on what youve said about shitty army wives who only hinge on their husbands achievements and wear their rank like its their own. I hate them as much as you do. It was just a question that was on my mind, because I DONT consider myself to be one of those crappy women, even if I do partake in some of the things that they do :) So this was just a way of me sorting it out and playing the other side for those of us who dont totally suck at life .....