(no subject)
a lot of conversations. a lot of jokes. a lot of self growth these past few days. looking at people. listening to people. seeing how i used to be before i made the decision to be a Christian and grow up. seeing judgements being made. seeing accusations thrown all over the place. the constant fight to get your say in.
it's been frustrating. it's been a frustrating few days. not knowing what to do. how to handle it. do i lash back? do i ignore them? do i try and give a mature response? i don't know. nothing will help. nothing will change people. nothing will change the opinions they have of me. because they will never know me. they will only know fluffy puff marshmallow's description of me, which i could guarantee is not anywhere close to the truth.
it's been difficult not b/c what other people say matters to me. God knows my heart. Josh knows my heart. the people closest to me know my heart. they know the exact truth of how i feel. even if no one else believes me. and i feel that's all that matters. which is why i won't respond. i won't egg it on further. I'll just write in my journal what i feel, when i feel, and however i want to.
I've only been a Christian for a year. i have so much growth left to do. and everyday God makes me a stronger person. he tests me, like these last three days, to see how I'll handle the evil of the world. being angry is not a sin. and believe me, i was angry. but even Jesus got angry. what matters is how you use that anger. did you sin in turn? did you cuss, or hurt someone?
I've never just let things go. I've never not had my say. i was somewhat similar to snaggle hag in always trying to get my say in and trying purposely to hurt others to make myself or others feel better. which is what everyone assumes i was doing.
but after some good talks with josh and a good talk with Ronda, i didn't care anymore. i didn't care to have my say in or defend myself. i am not the one who will punish them for how mean they are being. they will pay for how mean they are. God will do that. it is not my place. so saying harsh words in return or just keeping the fight going wouldn't do any good.
so. I've really grown. I've really learned a lot about myself and my friends and my life. i have a lot of people who love me and know me and are behind me. and I've learned to have more faith in God that he will take care of me if i just pray and let him handle things.
with that said. i have to go to work. i feel better now, having voiced how i feel on my journal and truly not caring what people have to say. b/c what they think and what they say doesn't matter.
have a blessed day everyone. :-)
it's been frustrating. it's been a frustrating few days. not knowing what to do. how to handle it. do i lash back? do i ignore them? do i try and give a mature response? i don't know. nothing will help. nothing will change people. nothing will change the opinions they have of me. because they will never know me. they will only know fluffy puff marshmallow's description of me, which i could guarantee is not anywhere close to the truth.
it's been difficult not b/c what other people say matters to me. God knows my heart. Josh knows my heart. the people closest to me know my heart. they know the exact truth of how i feel. even if no one else believes me. and i feel that's all that matters. which is why i won't respond. i won't egg it on further. I'll just write in my journal what i feel, when i feel, and however i want to.
I've only been a Christian for a year. i have so much growth left to do. and everyday God makes me a stronger person. he tests me, like these last three days, to see how I'll handle the evil of the world. being angry is not a sin. and believe me, i was angry. but even Jesus got angry. what matters is how you use that anger. did you sin in turn? did you cuss, or hurt someone?
I've never just let things go. I've never not had my say. i was somewhat similar to snaggle hag in always trying to get my say in and trying purposely to hurt others to make myself or others feel better. which is what everyone assumes i was doing.
but after some good talks with josh and a good talk with Ronda, i didn't care anymore. i didn't care to have my say in or defend myself. i am not the one who will punish them for how mean they are being. they will pay for how mean they are. God will do that. it is not my place. so saying harsh words in return or just keeping the fight going wouldn't do any good.
so. I've really grown. I've really learned a lot about myself and my friends and my life. i have a lot of people who love me and know me and are behind me. and I've learned to have more faith in God that he will take care of me if i just pray and let him handle things.
with that said. i have to go to work. i feel better now, having voiced how i feel on my journal and truly not caring what people have to say. b/c what they think and what they say doesn't matter.
have a blessed day everyone. :-)