live at my ijournal
ok so i was just thinking about my childhood the other day and I realized that i had a lot going for me. now my situation really wasnt ideal... but i certainly felt poor put-apon and craved what other people had. i think the reason for dredging up old memories and feelings from my child times is it helps me realize who i am today and why i make the choices i do.
now i am sure anyone else reading this is like 'duh' but i deflected most of my childhood memories into an "i told you i would be better attitude" and sheilded myself from thoughts about the past so as not to relive it in the present. so much of my life today is a projection of strength and courage, when really inside i am weak to the simplest of things; children, parents, and family... i have not been very committed to those things (or in the case of kids... wanting any) i am grateful that i didnt take on the attitude of some who would blame everyone else and never get to live up to my own potential cause of 'that, or this person' and what they did to make my life terrible. but i wonder at how much better it is that i chose to 'be the bigger person' all to often i wasnt or couldnt be bigger, all to often my deep hurt never surfaced, but was deflected through art, humour and strength.
now that i have 'grown up' i see things a little more clearly, dealing with old business is not easy but well worth it. checking the heart and allowing the tender parts to surface is not all that bad. besides it is Christ who rules my heart, mind and soul. gratefully i have a wonderful experience to share with teenagers who in many ways faced the same issue and will have to come to the same conclusions, but maybe just maybe i can help them uncover their heart or hearts and share with them how safe and how comfortable a life gaurded by Christ really is.
thats my blog
now i am sure anyone else reading this is like 'duh' but i deflected most of my childhood memories into an "i told you i would be better attitude" and sheilded myself from thoughts about the past so as not to relive it in the present. so much of my life today is a projection of strength and courage, when really inside i am weak to the simplest of things; children, parents, and family... i have not been very committed to those things (or in the case of kids... wanting any) i am grateful that i didnt take on the attitude of some who would blame everyone else and never get to live up to my own potential cause of 'that, or this person' and what they did to make my life terrible. but i wonder at how much better it is that i chose to 'be the bigger person' all to often i wasnt or couldnt be bigger, all to often my deep hurt never surfaced, but was deflected through art, humour and strength.
now that i have 'grown up' i see things a little more clearly, dealing with old business is not easy but well worth it. checking the heart and allowing the tender parts to surface is not all that bad. besides it is Christ who rules my heart, mind and soul. gratefully i have a wonderful experience to share with teenagers who in many ways faced the same issue and will have to come to the same conclusions, but maybe just maybe i can help them uncover their heart or hearts and share with them how safe and how comfortable a life gaurded by Christ really is.
thats my blog