i really gotta quit reading this thing
but to make a few things clear for those who are confused. i am very ahppy with the choices i have made and the poeple that i associate with. the nly thing upsetting me right now is temparary then i will have 4 more months to reujust. i am having problems at home. i fight with my parents on a regular basis, and you knowthat make me unhappy. and form the last time i wrote and felt like shit i talked the problems i was having out with a couple of the important people and relized the depression rut i was getting in was for mothing i was imagining stuff that wasn't there and second guessing things then i took some good advice that i was forgetting and Boom it made sence to me.my socal life is doing fine becouse i am taking the Thompson aproach and being happy. and my life will do what it will do seeing a kid half dead in a car makes you quickly relize what you have. i have feared growing up since i was concious enough to fear. but i am learning to stop fearing it and make the best of it cuz if i run form it all then i am not going to end up with anything in the end. i have to take risks, with people and with life and school and everyhing. as for my major depression of being stuck in a box with no way out that comes iwth the terriotry and i'll be free soon enough. but my parents have nothing to so with the pople i associate with. and as i just got done telling my mother, the people i chooose to be aroud now are the ones that seem to care the most about ME not there freaking drugs or jealous GFs for once i am not the only perosn caring and fuck that is a first. ok second. for once i am not having to risk my self. for once i don't feel trapped. i know that any moment i could walk away and still be cared about butat least 2 people. that is refeshing to me. my absence means something. if that is a prbolem for all ya fucks then figure it out. cuz i have done the ultimate task. i have fixed me so that i some one that i like lloking in the mirror at and i have found freinds that reenforce that happiness wit hthe help of acertian person (the friends)
why was i so upset the other day? does any one really know?? well i told jon so i guess i could tell the audience her at LJ. my problem was a little thing called CHELSEA, i am not going to be in some compotion for the people that i love that is crpa. and ya in one instance she was there first but in the other she wasn't infact she was the cause of the down fall. my life is going great and then she coems back and threats me with the 2 people i hold most dear and people wonder why i am upset. jon quickly justified my errors on his behalf and set the recored straight so it is ok, but you, no i am very pissed at you and i prolly would tell you if jon would not instist hat i stop kee4p ing shit in. i am mad at you. you make all these fucking excuses of why you can't hang but when chelsea come back suddenly "you most importnat freind" switches. fuck that. sudddenly your hanging out and comeing around suddenly you hardly ever call me. how long are you going to keep volley balling it? me the her me then her. if you want both then don't spend a year giving me so many reasons not to like her cuz she hurt you so bad and she never really cared. gee and as soon as she dones't have anyone she runs back to you (sd anyway) i can only so some much and try so hard but frankly, i am over it. i don't want to fight. i don't care what you do with your self uz i know your not stupid and you won't get to hurt. the bottom line in the whole thing is on the end i have a best friends and a boyfriend, you and jon. it doens't matter who likes it or not that is how it is that is how i want and that is how it is going to be. and if you feel differnetly on your end then fine but i am still me still doing exactly what i want to do. and no body can take away the parts of that i am have worked so hard to improve that the happiness that i have found. any questions i ll be happy to answer.
ill shout it formthe roof tops
I AM HAPPY
I AM IN LOVE
AND I AM SCARED SHITLESS
LIDFE COULD GET MUCH BETTER!
fyi depression is something that i get sometimes triggered but stupid thing usually anxiety. never changes that the underlying feeling i have flet since i have graduated was great.
why was i so upset the other day? does any one really know?? well i told jon so i guess i could tell the audience her at LJ. my problem was a little thing called CHELSEA, i am not going to be in some compotion for the people that i love that is crpa. and ya in one instance she was there first but in the other she wasn't infact she was the cause of the down fall. my life is going great and then she coems back and threats me with the 2 people i hold most dear and people wonder why i am upset. jon quickly justified my errors on his behalf and set the recored straight so it is ok, but you, no i am very pissed at you and i prolly would tell you if jon would not instist hat i stop kee4p ing shit in. i am mad at you. you make all these fucking excuses of why you can't hang but when chelsea come back suddenly "you most importnat freind" switches. fuck that. sudddenly your hanging out and comeing around suddenly you hardly ever call me. how long are you going to keep volley balling it? me the her me then her. if you want both then don't spend a year giving me so many reasons not to like her cuz she hurt you so bad and she never really cared. gee and as soon as she dones't have anyone she runs back to you (sd anyway) i can only so some much and try so hard but frankly, i am over it. i don't want to fight. i don't care what you do with your self uz i know your not stupid and you won't get to hurt. the bottom line in the whole thing is on the end i have a best friends and a boyfriend, you and jon. it doens't matter who likes it or not that is how it is that is how i want and that is how it is going to be. and if you feel differnetly on your end then fine but i am still me still doing exactly what i want to do. and no body can take away the parts of that i am have worked so hard to improve that the happiness that i have found. any questions i ll be happy to answer.
ill shout it formthe roof tops
I AM HAPPY
I AM IN LOVE
AND I AM SCARED SHITLESS
LIDFE COULD GET MUCH BETTER!
fyi depression is something that i get sometimes triggered but stupid thing usually anxiety. never changes that the underlying feeling i have flet since i have graduated was great.