(no subject)
Lately ive been drawn to thinking of humanity and to a lesser extnt how i view my race. Typically when i think on the subject i dont spare more than a few minutes on the subject as i despise the bulk of manking and try to distance myself as far as i can from them. However this time i noticed an odd patern within my mind, that every once in a while some odd event occurs that almost, but not quite, reinstills my faith in humanity. So, as an exercise, i thought i should disect thesse moment to see if they were truly inspiring or merley playing upon my preconcieved notions of what the terms "good" and "evil" mean to me. So i grabed my Mp3 player an headed to the mall (note: since i am pretty much a hermit the mall is what i consider hell.) to observe the mindless flock of consumerist whores. Had the time to kill so i figured why not. after a while i noticed that most people ignored each other excpet when forced to make contact but every once in a while an interaction would incur where both parties simply begun conversing as if they had known each other for years then turned and walked away. to me it looked like someone who was repeatedly striking a match, most the time nothing happened som,e sparks but typically nothing then boom fire. i know horrible annology but bear with me im not what one would call "sober" at the moment. back on topic, after a while i came to the conclusion that most of these horrid events ,that seem to justify my ill will torwards humanity, tend to be large(genocide, bigotry, etc.) where as the times i find myself reconected with the human race are small events (say a kindness to a stranger) it never lasts though (of course that could just be the cynicism talking). now ill have some ass cut me off in traffic and ill be pissed but i wont wish extintion upon the prick because of it. so now im left with a question that i dont even fully understand so i cant even begin to awnser it. either im so desencitized by the violence that has occured in my life that it takes mass murder to truly open my eyes to the filth caked along the sidewallks or in the back of my mind is a hallmark store filled with cobwebs and every time something innocent happens it kicks into overdrive and embellishes it so that i may , once again, begin to hope that we may be finally evolving and can do away with the bullshit we constantly heap upon each others shoulderss. both of those assume that the problem lies in my own mind.... and im not terribly comfortable with that but i could except it if it were true. ofcourse my mind could be just fine and its just that we as a species are caught in a limbo between beeing civilized and beastly. i can understand that we animals are naturaly violent. if you look, every war has the same reason for starting. on the surface you can call it politics or religion or innailiable rights but really it comes down to territory and thats natural i suppose. i meanm all animals mark thier territory and will fight to the death over it. so theres that side of the equation and if i had to guess i'd say our intelligence is to blame for our civilized demeanors. we pity and regret in one half of our mind and the other half is demanding blood and self gratifacation. its no wonder were all so fucked up. ehh maybe one day intelligence will win once and for all, or maybe the beast will win. either way life will be better than it is as we know it. im curious to see which side bests the other but im fairly certain that the stalemate will continue long past my time on this floating rock is over. so i'll just sit here and wonder aloud and try to sound realy deep and intelligent when in reality i just stole a chunk of your life for my own selfish need for attention. ^.^ you pick.......