...All I really want...
So, here are my wants.
School:
I am almost done...this quarter, two classes next quarter (because I dropped one this quarter).
I just want to finish with good grades.
Work:
I want a new job.
I want a job where I can go and have a smoke break.
I want a job where I do not have to take work home.
I want a job where I can get along with my co-workers in more than a work setting.
I want a setting where you can go out for drinks that weekend.
I want a boss who is not an extremist where one day she is sweet as pie and the next day a bitch in heat.
I want a change in scenery, I want something not geared towards children.
I want a job where I can come home and realistically forget about work.
I want a job where these high expectations are held above my head with no willingness to help me obtain any expectation.
I want a boss who is there to help mold me as an employee and allow me to do the best work I can.
I want a job and a boss where the encouragement is not do this by this date or I will feel their evil eyes looking at me in dismay...yet, they never say anything until it's too late.
I want a job where I feel welcome, and I feel as though I want to wake up and go to work.
I want a job where I don't feel like the only one out of my co-workers when I come back from Christmas Break that I don't want to be there.
Relationships:
I want a guy who will allow me and push me to succeed and better myself as a person.
I want a guy who when I think about him it brings a smile to my face.
I want a guy who will call after work and say, I want to come over for a couple hours, but not on a daily basis, and not expecting to get some or spend the night (but if it happens...haha).
I want a guy who does not expect me to make him my number one priority, but allow it if it should happen.
I want a guy who has no expectations of me, and not assume anything of who I am as a person.
I want a guy who will take me out, and (as bad as this sounds) have his own vehicle.
I want a guy who calls just to say he's thinking of me, and wants to know how my day was.
I want a guy who will treat me how I would treat him.
None of these are too high of wants in my opinion.
I know that I deserve everything that I want, but why is it that I feel as if I am in this rut of just wanting and not accomplishing?
My job sucks, and I dread going to work now. It is a COMPLETE U-turn for what my job originally was. Mainly it is due to my boss and the stupid politics of the company that I work for. There are these outrageous expectations held for me, and I'm sorry but I'm not a certified teacher. I am slowly understanding and learning the different techniques for teaching a young student, but you cannot hold a first grade girl who never goes to program or to school for that matter who is still reading at a pre-k or kindergarten level and try to pin that on me. I am aware at her grade level and how far below that she is, but I cannot force her to do or learn anything that she does not want to.
I have realized in the past 6 months that I am not cut out to teach...at least not at a 1st or 2nd grade level. The girls bring a smile to my face every single day, but my boss will take that smile from my face in a look that she gives me.
I am no longer having fun...and I don't like that feeling.
Jon...Jon, Jon, Jon...that boy. Over break, I seriously tried to break it off a couple times. He won't let me. I do not believe that we are compatible being in a relationship together. I do not enjoy his company anymore. I feel like every time I hang out with him I have to pay for something, or I am expected to do something, and I hate that feeling.
I don't like feeling like a suga mama, especially when I'm broke as hell. I don't like having to drive everywhere, and I'm sorry that you sold your truck when you met me. I don't like feeling like I have to go hang out with you, or that you expect me to do certain things or act a certain way. Fuck you. Accept me for who I am or go fuck yourself.
I am done. I am over it. I just have to tell him. It sucks b/c he lives in this fantasy world about how everything is just peachy, and it's not. Open your eyes. He tells me that he loves me, and I'm sorry but I don't love him. I'm not in love with him, I know I care about him and what happens to him, but that's a care same as how I care for my friends.
I know that I am almost done with school. I know that work ends in June...just 6 months, school and work.
My goal is to get through both of them, and get through the next six months...hopefully on a happy foot.
I am just hoping that I don't allow myself to do a crappy job for the fact that I am not happy. I know that when I don't like my work, I just slide by or slack off, and that wouldn't benefit the girls. I did not get ahead over break, most of it was because I was sick, but part of it was because I had no motivation to do any of it.
That's my life.
Until next time.
School:
I am almost done...this quarter, two classes next quarter (because I dropped one this quarter).
I just want to finish with good grades.
Work:
I want a new job.
I want a job where I can go and have a smoke break.
I want a job where I do not have to take work home.
I want a job where I can get along with my co-workers in more than a work setting.
I want a setting where you can go out for drinks that weekend.
I want a boss who is not an extremist where one day she is sweet as pie and the next day a bitch in heat.
I want a change in scenery, I want something not geared towards children.
I want a job where I can come home and realistically forget about work.
I want a job where these high expectations are held above my head with no willingness to help me obtain any expectation.
I want a boss who is there to help mold me as an employee and allow me to do the best work I can.
I want a job and a boss where the encouragement is not do this by this date or I will feel their evil eyes looking at me in dismay...yet, they never say anything until it's too late.
I want a job where I feel welcome, and I feel as though I want to wake up and go to work.
I want a job where I don't feel like the only one out of my co-workers when I come back from Christmas Break that I don't want to be there.
Relationships:
I want a guy who will allow me and push me to succeed and better myself as a person.
I want a guy who when I think about him it brings a smile to my face.
I want a guy who will call after work and say, I want to come over for a couple hours, but not on a daily basis, and not expecting to get some or spend the night (but if it happens...haha).
I want a guy who does not expect me to make him my number one priority, but allow it if it should happen.
I want a guy who has no expectations of me, and not assume anything of who I am as a person.
I want a guy who will take me out, and (as bad as this sounds) have his own vehicle.
I want a guy who calls just to say he's thinking of me, and wants to know how my day was.
I want a guy who will treat me how I would treat him.
None of these are too high of wants in my opinion.
I know that I deserve everything that I want, but why is it that I feel as if I am in this rut of just wanting and not accomplishing?
My job sucks, and I dread going to work now. It is a COMPLETE U-turn for what my job originally was. Mainly it is due to my boss and the stupid politics of the company that I work for. There are these outrageous expectations held for me, and I'm sorry but I'm not a certified teacher. I am slowly understanding and learning the different techniques for teaching a young student, but you cannot hold a first grade girl who never goes to program or to school for that matter who is still reading at a pre-k or kindergarten level and try to pin that on me. I am aware at her grade level and how far below that she is, but I cannot force her to do or learn anything that she does not want to.
I have realized in the past 6 months that I am not cut out to teach...at least not at a 1st or 2nd grade level. The girls bring a smile to my face every single day, but my boss will take that smile from my face in a look that she gives me.
I am no longer having fun...and I don't like that feeling.
Jon...Jon, Jon, Jon...that boy. Over break, I seriously tried to break it off a couple times. He won't let me. I do not believe that we are compatible being in a relationship together. I do not enjoy his company anymore. I feel like every time I hang out with him I have to pay for something, or I am expected to do something, and I hate that feeling.
I don't like feeling like a suga mama, especially when I'm broke as hell. I don't like having to drive everywhere, and I'm sorry that you sold your truck when you met me. I don't like feeling like I have to go hang out with you, or that you expect me to do certain things or act a certain way. Fuck you. Accept me for who I am or go fuck yourself.
I am done. I am over it. I just have to tell him. It sucks b/c he lives in this fantasy world about how everything is just peachy, and it's not. Open your eyes. He tells me that he loves me, and I'm sorry but I don't love him. I'm not in love with him, I know I care about him and what happens to him, but that's a care same as how I care for my friends.
I know that I am almost done with school. I know that work ends in June...just 6 months, school and work.
My goal is to get through both of them, and get through the next six months...hopefully on a happy foot.
I am just hoping that I don't allow myself to do a crappy job for the fact that I am not happy. I know that when I don't like my work, I just slide by or slack off, and that wouldn't benefit the girls. I did not get ahead over break, most of it was because I was sick, but part of it was because I had no motivation to do any of it.
That's my life.
Until next time.