...Movin on up...
my life is bizarre...I don't even know what I am doing through all the hours of a day. I cannot remember one day from the next, or even what I did the day before.
I must make a to-do list.
I am broke...and I just got paid two days ago.
let me begin,
school is the same, my women's studies professor actually took that paper with out taking off any points. She believed it was an honest mistake, and for me not to worry.
statistics...I have to go over and correct all three tests in order to obtain that homework assignment, which blows.
I also have homework due for that class on Monday, as well as a test next Friday, which makes no sense b/c our final is the following Monday.
This is my last week of school before finals.
Work-
I am behind. I met with my boss, and she said she will start getting on my case about not turning in paperwork. She said things are going well, and my activities are going smoothly.
My group of girls have been acting up, and have become more negative...negative- not towards each other, but saying more negative things.
Example- the past two days have been bizarre due to a weird schedule with work and GirlStart, but I didn't think that would effect someone that much...but I suppose at age 6, it would.
I was walking around and I heard my boss tell a girl that we don't say the word "suck" at GirlStart, and I was embarrassed. I guess she said that Dora sucks, which is funny b/c my boss took it personally, b/c my boss loves Dora. Then yesterday these two girls were talking, just negatively, and all I could respond was that I didn't appreciate that type of negativity at GirlStart and that I enjoy positive environments...they stopped.
They are not negative towards each other though...actually they are super sweethearts. Yesterday I had a girl who did not want to talk to me. I thought that she was mad at me, so I had David (another group leader) try and assist her, and she didn't want to talk to him either...so we had her sit with my boss.
During closing circle (the last thing of the day, me and my group sit in a circle and just talk about how our day went, what was good, what was bad, etc...actually one of my favorite parts of the day)...so we were at closing circle and the girls were asked how their day went and what they wanted or were going to do this weekend. Then it came to the girl who did not want to talk to me. She said she had a bad day. I asked her if she wanted to share why and she said that a kid at school called her fat. All of my girls dropped their heads and were like...I'm sorry to hear that. Then a second grader of mine told the girl..."Just tell them, I don't care what you think"
it was really cute. I told her that at GirlStart we are all friends, and that we want to see each other happy. I said that even when I have a bad day, I look forward to GirlStart because all of them make me happy, and know how to make me smile and laugh. Then one of my other girls said that if we have a bad day, we should tell each other so that we know they need to laugh. And Sofia (who is my class clown) said..."Anytime you are sad, come to me and I will make you laugh."
It was a really cute and touching closing circle. My eyes began to water when all of my girls were trying to help her see that it doesn't matter what other people think of you, and that they were all there for her.
Days like that make me love my job.
I have some catching up to do with work, and my boss told me to put it on my time card. I know that I am going to go over 60 hours this paycheck, but my boss said she will take it off this time card and put it on my next time card.
my personal life-
I am still hanging out with Jon. It is a weird relationship. A lot of concerns have come about with this guy, and I have no idea what's really going on.
After my birthday he was HARD CORE jealous, and he wanted to work on that...whatever. He also stopped smoking weed since I mentioned that I don't want to be around it.
He began a new job, and he really likes it.
Part of me feels like he has to show me off or something, it's stupid. Example- I told him I would bring him lunch and instead of just coming to my car (because I had to go straight to class), he walked over, motioned for me to get out, so I brought him his lunch and all his buddies at work were like, hey nice to meet you, we've heard so much, bla bla bla. Then his boss asked me about school, and that I work with kids, all that yadda crap.
Then it's just weird shit. He gets mad, and won't talk to me, or tell me what's bothering him and it really pisses me off. Then gets mad b/c I'm getting mad. I'm mad because you won't fuckin tell me what's goin on! duh!
Then now it's stupid shit. I think I am just fed up. I feel like I'm married, but I know that he's not the one, I don't love him, realistically no matter how fucked up this sounds, he is passing the time.
Last night he wouldn't tell me what was wrong. All he said was that he had a dream, and was mad at me for something I did in the dream....WHAT THE FUCK! So then we ate dinner and started watching movies and I fell asleep. Then he got mad. So stupid. It really is stupid. So this morning I dropped him off at work on my way home and didn't kiss him goodbye and he got mad b/c I was still mad. If you won't fuckin tell me what's going on, I don't want to ignore shit.
Then on top of that...I got paid 2 days ago, and I am fucking broke. I seriously blame him. I know that I make enough money to support myself...but that's it. I make enough money for me, not for me and him. I know that with starting this new job and paychecks don't start coming until next week, but money stresses me out. I am on my own, and just driving back and forth wastes gas, that I don't have the money to replace.
Tonight I am supposed to make dinner and just take it over, so I think I'm just going to throw everything on the table, see what he says, and either work through it or bounce.
Also, he told me he loved me. He said that before, and I told him not to say that, and he dropped it. He said it on...yesterday, in a text msg, and I wrote back, "Don't say that" and he said why and I told him it made me feel uncomfortable. Then he said, that is how I feel about you, and if it takes you a while to accept, then ok. The thing is, I don't have to accept that, I know that I don't love him, and I shouldn't have to grow to love anyone.
On top of all that, I am moving.
My roommates and I went and signed all the papers for a house. It's 3 bedroom, 1 bathroom, hardwood floors, new EVERYTHING. New kitchen, new appliances, new carpet, new paint, new everything. It has a washer and a dryer, and the landlord pays water, garbage, electricity, but today he told us he's paying for all of the utilities, unless we use an over abundance of them.
Fuckin sweet! And on top of that, rent is cheaper. It's in a secluded area, but I dig it.
anyway, I have to make my to-do list, so that I can accomplish stuff this weekend.
Until next time.
I must make a to-do list.
I am broke...and I just got paid two days ago.
let me begin,
school is the same, my women's studies professor actually took that paper with out taking off any points. She believed it was an honest mistake, and for me not to worry.
statistics...I have to go over and correct all three tests in order to obtain that homework assignment, which blows.
I also have homework due for that class on Monday, as well as a test next Friday, which makes no sense b/c our final is the following Monday.
This is my last week of school before finals.
Work-
I am behind. I met with my boss, and she said she will start getting on my case about not turning in paperwork. She said things are going well, and my activities are going smoothly.
My group of girls have been acting up, and have become more negative...negative- not towards each other, but saying more negative things.
Example- the past two days have been bizarre due to a weird schedule with work and GirlStart, but I didn't think that would effect someone that much...but I suppose at age 6, it would.
I was walking around and I heard my boss tell a girl that we don't say the word "suck" at GirlStart, and I was embarrassed. I guess she said that Dora sucks, which is funny b/c my boss took it personally, b/c my boss loves Dora. Then yesterday these two girls were talking, just negatively, and all I could respond was that I didn't appreciate that type of negativity at GirlStart and that I enjoy positive environments...they stopped.
They are not negative towards each other though...actually they are super sweethearts. Yesterday I had a girl who did not want to talk to me. I thought that she was mad at me, so I had David (another group leader) try and assist her, and she didn't want to talk to him either...so we had her sit with my boss.
During closing circle (the last thing of the day, me and my group sit in a circle and just talk about how our day went, what was good, what was bad, etc...actually one of my favorite parts of the day)...so we were at closing circle and the girls were asked how their day went and what they wanted or were going to do this weekend. Then it came to the girl who did not want to talk to me. She said she had a bad day. I asked her if she wanted to share why and she said that a kid at school called her fat. All of my girls dropped their heads and were like...I'm sorry to hear that. Then a second grader of mine told the girl..."Just tell them, I don't care what you think"
it was really cute. I told her that at GirlStart we are all friends, and that we want to see each other happy. I said that even when I have a bad day, I look forward to GirlStart because all of them make me happy, and know how to make me smile and laugh. Then one of my other girls said that if we have a bad day, we should tell each other so that we know they need to laugh. And Sofia (who is my class clown) said..."Anytime you are sad, come to me and I will make you laugh."
It was a really cute and touching closing circle. My eyes began to water when all of my girls were trying to help her see that it doesn't matter what other people think of you, and that they were all there for her.
Days like that make me love my job.
I have some catching up to do with work, and my boss told me to put it on my time card. I know that I am going to go over 60 hours this paycheck, but my boss said she will take it off this time card and put it on my next time card.
my personal life-
I am still hanging out with Jon. It is a weird relationship. A lot of concerns have come about with this guy, and I have no idea what's really going on.
After my birthday he was HARD CORE jealous, and he wanted to work on that...whatever. He also stopped smoking weed since I mentioned that I don't want to be around it.
He began a new job, and he really likes it.
Part of me feels like he has to show me off or something, it's stupid. Example- I told him I would bring him lunch and instead of just coming to my car (because I had to go straight to class), he walked over, motioned for me to get out, so I brought him his lunch and all his buddies at work were like, hey nice to meet you, we've heard so much, bla bla bla. Then his boss asked me about school, and that I work with kids, all that yadda crap.
Then it's just weird shit. He gets mad, and won't talk to me, or tell me what's bothering him and it really pisses me off. Then gets mad b/c I'm getting mad. I'm mad because you won't fuckin tell me what's goin on! duh!
Then now it's stupid shit. I think I am just fed up. I feel like I'm married, but I know that he's not the one, I don't love him, realistically no matter how fucked up this sounds, he is passing the time.
Last night he wouldn't tell me what was wrong. All he said was that he had a dream, and was mad at me for something I did in the dream....WHAT THE FUCK! So then we ate dinner and started watching movies and I fell asleep. Then he got mad. So stupid. It really is stupid. So this morning I dropped him off at work on my way home and didn't kiss him goodbye and he got mad b/c I was still mad. If you won't fuckin tell me what's going on, I don't want to ignore shit.
Then on top of that...I got paid 2 days ago, and I am fucking broke. I seriously blame him. I know that I make enough money to support myself...but that's it. I make enough money for me, not for me and him. I know that with starting this new job and paychecks don't start coming until next week, but money stresses me out. I am on my own, and just driving back and forth wastes gas, that I don't have the money to replace.
Tonight I am supposed to make dinner and just take it over, so I think I'm just going to throw everything on the table, see what he says, and either work through it or bounce.
Also, he told me he loved me. He said that before, and I told him not to say that, and he dropped it. He said it on...yesterday, in a text msg, and I wrote back, "Don't say that" and he said why and I told him it made me feel uncomfortable. Then he said, that is how I feel about you, and if it takes you a while to accept, then ok. The thing is, I don't have to accept that, I know that I don't love him, and I shouldn't have to grow to love anyone.
On top of all that, I am moving.
My roommates and I went and signed all the papers for a house. It's 3 bedroom, 1 bathroom, hardwood floors, new EVERYTHING. New kitchen, new appliances, new carpet, new paint, new everything. It has a washer and a dryer, and the landlord pays water, garbage, electricity, but today he told us he's paying for all of the utilities, unless we use an over abundance of them.
Fuckin sweet! And on top of that, rent is cheaper. It's in a secluded area, but I dig it.
anyway, I have to make my to-do list, so that I can accomplish stuff this weekend.
Until next time.