destroying divinity and hearts
"She went over to his apartment clutching her decision and he said did you come here to tell me goodbye
so she built a skyscraper of procrastination and than she leaned out the 25th floor window of her reply
she felt like an actress jsut reading her lines when she finally said "yes it's really goodbye this time"
far below was the blacktop and the tiney toy cars
and it all fell so fast and it all fell so far
and she said
you are a miracle but that is not all
you are also a stiff drink and i am on call..
you are a party and i am a school night
and i'm looking for my door key but you are my porch light
and you know you'll never know dear
just how much i loved you
you'll probably think this was jsut my big excuse
but i stand comitted
to the love that came before you
and the fact that i adore you is but one of my truths
so i... i..
What of the mother who's house is in flames
and both of her children are in their beds crying
and she loves them both with all of her heart
but she knows she can only carry one at a time
she is choking on the smoke of unthinkable choices
and she is haunted by the voices of so many desires..
and she's bent over form the business of begigng forgiveness
while frantically running round putting out fires
but than what kind of scale compairs the weight of 2 beauties
the gravity of duties
or the ground speed of joy
tell me what kind of gague can quantify elation
what kind of equasion could i possibly
and you'll never know dear
just how much i loved you
you'll probably think this was just my big excuse
but i stand committed
to a love that came before you
and the fact that i adore you is just one of my truths..
so i.. i'm going home...
to please the one i so love pleasing..
and i don't expect..
that you'll have much sympathy for my greiving..
but i guess that this is the price
that we pay for the privlage of living for even a day
in a world with so many things worth believing
in.."
wow. that's what humility posted in her OD and it's so true, that's exactly what i'm going thru right now. only the other party doesn't know it yet.
and he'll probably read this before i can see him in person.
and he'll hate me for leading him on
and telling him what's going on in my head
and making him want me as his own
*turns to him*
I'm so sorry, that this is how you'll know.
i want to see you and tell you to your face.
but i have no access to your house.
so i hope you don't read this until i at least tell you.
i'm so sorry.
"Lost and staring at the ground
I realize: I am nothing
Tears are streaming down my face and
Seeping deep into my wounds
I am beaten, I am battered
Dripping blood my wings are tattered
Broken I fall to my knees and cry to the sky:
"Heaven, take me home..."
--Divinity destroyed
Mark, i want to have your abortion.
Divinity Destroyed
please go. they're amazing, and mark is hawt.
so yeah i went to the DD show on sunday. it was amazing. i got to john's around 2:30 and it was incredibly akward. i went over thinking ok, i'll act like we're just friends. i thought that maybe i'd have the balls to break up with him. but no. it started off ok. he's lost a lot of weight. a lot. he can't eat anymore, there's something wrong with his stomach, i think he has an ulcer. i dunno. he looked like death, bags under his eyes and everything. i hugged him.
and i wanted to cry
i wanted to cry for all the things i've done without him knowing
the plotting and scheming to break up with him
the cheating
the lies
the anger
i'm so sorry john for everything i've put you through and although it doesn't take it back, i hope my apology can make me feel better about myself, andthatyou can see that i don't want to be a bad person.
i don't have to go to the doctor anymore!!!! yaaay!
so we hugged and it was terrible. i just wanted to leave cuz i couldn't take it.
but we started talking and i tried to kiss him.
he pulled away
"it's for the best." he said
that didn't last long.
it was a soft kiss.
i fealt nothing
i didn't want to feel nothing
i wanted to go home
but we kept talking and then after me crying and him in tears we left.
his mom gaveme the most evil looks.
i wanted to curl up and die.
we drove down and all was decent.
we listened to music
and talked
the concert was great.
we sat there and i read his tarot cards. then his ROTC friend's
some chic came over and showedme a different spread.
it was awesome, i like hers better.
but now i need to practice...
any takers?
so we started talking
and i felt like we were back on the pro life bus...
going to D.C.
bullshit talking
but the attraction was there
a spark, if you will.
aside from the one from my lighter.
he let me smoke.
wow, that's a step.
and he says he ok with me getting my tounge pierced.
but i know he hates the idea.
but i connected.
and we kissed.
and it was back
it's funny how a tiny light in ones eyes can respark a dwindling love.
i love you john.
--V.C
Notes:
so she built a skyscraper of procrastination and than she leaned out the 25th floor window of her reply
she felt like an actress jsut reading her lines when she finally said "yes it's really goodbye this time"
far below was the blacktop and the tiney toy cars
and it all fell so fast and it all fell so far
and she said
you are a miracle but that is not all
you are also a stiff drink and i am on call..
you are a party and i am a school night
and i'm looking for my door key but you are my porch light
and you know you'll never know dear
just how much i loved you
you'll probably think this was jsut my big excuse
but i stand comitted
to the love that came before you
and the fact that i adore you is but one of my truths
so i... i..
What of the mother who's house is in flames
and both of her children are in their beds crying
and she loves them both with all of her heart
but she knows she can only carry one at a time
she is choking on the smoke of unthinkable choices
and she is haunted by the voices of so many desires..
and she's bent over form the business of begigng forgiveness
while frantically running round putting out fires
but than what kind of scale compairs the weight of 2 beauties
the gravity of duties
or the ground speed of joy
tell me what kind of gague can quantify elation
what kind of equasion could i possibly
and you'll never know dear
just how much i loved you
you'll probably think this was just my big excuse
but i stand committed
to a love that came before you
and the fact that i adore you is just one of my truths..
so i.. i'm going home...
to please the one i so love pleasing..
and i don't expect..
that you'll have much sympathy for my greiving..
but i guess that this is the price
that we pay for the privlage of living for even a day
in a world with so many things worth believing
in.."
wow. that's what humility posted in her OD and it's so true, that's exactly what i'm going thru right now. only the other party doesn't know it yet.
and he'll probably read this before i can see him in person.
and he'll hate me for leading him on
and telling him what's going on in my head
and making him want me as his own
*turns to him*
I'm so sorry, that this is how you'll know.
i want to see you and tell you to your face.
but i have no access to your house.
so i hope you don't read this until i at least tell you.
i'm so sorry.
"Lost and staring at the ground
I realize: I am nothing
Tears are streaming down my face and
Seeping deep into my wounds
I am beaten, I am battered
Dripping blood my wings are tattered
Broken I fall to my knees and cry to the sky:
"Heaven, take me home..."
--Divinity destroyed
Mark, i want to have your abortion.
Divinity Destroyed
please go. they're amazing, and mark is hawt.
so yeah i went to the DD show on sunday. it was amazing. i got to john's around 2:30 and it was incredibly akward. i went over thinking ok, i'll act like we're just friends. i thought that maybe i'd have the balls to break up with him. but no. it started off ok. he's lost a lot of weight. a lot. he can't eat anymore, there's something wrong with his stomach, i think he has an ulcer. i dunno. he looked like death, bags under his eyes and everything. i hugged him.
and i wanted to cry
i wanted to cry for all the things i've done without him knowing
the plotting and scheming to break up with him
the cheating
the lies
the anger
i'm so sorry john for everything i've put you through and although it doesn't take it back, i hope my apology can make me feel better about myself, andthatyou can see that i don't want to be a bad person.
i don't have to go to the doctor anymore!!!! yaaay!
so we hugged and it was terrible. i just wanted to leave cuz i couldn't take it.
but we started talking and i tried to kiss him.
he pulled away
"it's for the best." he said
that didn't last long.
it was a soft kiss.
i fealt nothing
i didn't want to feel nothing
i wanted to go home
but we kept talking and then after me crying and him in tears we left.
his mom gaveme the most evil looks.
i wanted to curl up and die.
we drove down and all was decent.
we listened to music
and talked
the concert was great.
we sat there and i read his tarot cards. then his ROTC friend's
some chic came over and showedme a different spread.
it was awesome, i like hers better.
but now i need to practice...
any takers?
so we started talking
and i felt like we were back on the pro life bus...
going to D.C.
bullshit talking
but the attraction was there
a spark, if you will.
aside from the one from my lighter.
he let me smoke.
wow, that's a step.
and he says he ok with me getting my tounge pierced.
but i know he hates the idea.
but i connected.
and we kissed.
and it was back
it's funny how a tiny light in ones eyes can respark a dwindling love.
i love you john.
--V.C
Notes: