Queasy butterflies
I really don't know whats goin on. not that i ever was all too sure of the whole thing before but for some reason it never really bothered me. Maybe its was because i was under the impression that it was some sort of inevitability that it would happen but now i really can't say i'm so sure.
I know how she feels but i am as clueless as she is about what she'd like to do about it. it seems like she wants to but is just too nervous to take astep. and other times i just see the wholekatie thing where i wanted her and she wasn't sure of what she wanted and it eneded up being a mess because i cut my security rope and just stewed in my own childish poutiness and tried to force my way through things. i definately don't want to do that again.
Its hard though when you know someone wants the same thngs as you do...or at least is saying that they do but there's too many obstacles in the way to actually do anything about it and nothing you say or do is ever going to change anything because its all in the other person's control.
I mean she's sucha great girl and at the moment i don't want anyone else and she says she feels the same way but she has all these reservations and doubts and fears because of stupid insensitive boys who passed up the great things she has to offer when they had the chance. Now she's too confused to take a first step and let herself be open to anything else that could come along her way and its frustrating because i know that the fears she has of me becoming disinterested, finding someone better, abruptly not talking to her anymore are never going to be realized. Her other fears of things she would do...well she's the only one who can control that but i don't see why she would suddenly feel the need to be like "enough of this...nothing's wrong but i'm outie" its just doesn't sound like something she'd do and if she did it would just be something that wasn't meant to happen and that would be that. I'm not the kind of person who sits there after something like that happens and dwells and sobs over what i can't change...theres no point and life is too short for me to sit around worrying about things that might go wrong. Theres no gain without risk. Loneliness isn't cured by distance.
If you want something/someone then i say give it the chance to be something. The only way to not have regrets when its all said and done is to try things and not be so overwhelmed with the unknowns. i perfectly understand why she's so nervous and apprehensive but i wish she could get past it all and enjoy herself or enjoy the idea of actually being with someone...not someone...me. But in any case i'm just gonna give her the space to decide what she wants to decide and try to not build it into something more than it is in my head.
I know how she feels but i am as clueless as she is about what she'd like to do about it. it seems like she wants to but is just too nervous to take astep. and other times i just see the wholekatie thing where i wanted her and she wasn't sure of what she wanted and it eneded up being a mess because i cut my security rope and just stewed in my own childish poutiness and tried to force my way through things. i definately don't want to do that again.
Its hard though when you know someone wants the same thngs as you do...or at least is saying that they do but there's too many obstacles in the way to actually do anything about it and nothing you say or do is ever going to change anything because its all in the other person's control.
I mean she's sucha great girl and at the moment i don't want anyone else and she says she feels the same way but she has all these reservations and doubts and fears because of stupid insensitive boys who passed up the great things she has to offer when they had the chance. Now she's too confused to take a first step and let herself be open to anything else that could come along her way and its frustrating because i know that the fears she has of me becoming disinterested, finding someone better, abruptly not talking to her anymore are never going to be realized. Her other fears of things she would do...well she's the only one who can control that but i don't see why she would suddenly feel the need to be like "enough of this...nothing's wrong but i'm outie" its just doesn't sound like something she'd do and if she did it would just be something that wasn't meant to happen and that would be that. I'm not the kind of person who sits there after something like that happens and dwells and sobs over what i can't change...theres no point and life is too short for me to sit around worrying about things that might go wrong. Theres no gain without risk. Loneliness isn't cured by distance.
If you want something/someone then i say give it the chance to be something. The only way to not have regrets when its all said and done is to try things and not be so overwhelmed with the unknowns. i perfectly understand why she's so nervous and apprehensive but i wish she could get past it all and enjoy herself or enjoy the idea of actually being with someone...not someone...me. But in any case i'm just gonna give her the space to decide what she wants to decide and try to not build it into something more than it is in my head.