umm...today and the color yellow
My new journal first day:
7/6/06
Lord Christ,
I want this. I want to be at Camp Mcdowell, to be paid. I know I drink, am confused and angry so much there, but I want: the opportunity. I have changed. I will change with your Grace, your Mercy, your Love. The only remedy for love is to love. I love you with my little broken and pasted together heart. If this, or anything I plan, is not your will for me; I pray you keep me from falling into peices (and on your way, PLEASE) I pray for your people, those hurt, the needy, the sick, and all those who feel alone. I pray YOUR TRUE BLESSINGS on all those, and all your Creation. It is good: it is very good. I Bless your holy Name LORD; I lift my soul and rejoice in you, I am broken, please forgive your broken child, and help me forgive me. I praise YOUR HOLY NAME. I BLESS YOU. I THANK YOU, FOREVER ALWAYS REJOICING, AMEN.
later...
Planning a Conversation
-Michael Gold****
(friend?, Summer Camp Coordinator)
I want to work.
My skills:
Leading discussion
-Bible oriented and friendly
-Enthusiasm towards work and
previous skill in Camp Mcdowell work
-Previous Experience with Most of the Staff
and many of the Campers
I've got my abilities, my energy, my experience, and my determination.
And I want to work.
This is different from yesterday because yesterday we talked about
the number of people at camp, but I can't change that. (I do) offer
myself, fully engaged.
later...
Talked to Michael, still a "no-go" so far, but I'm hoping for a change of heart message when I get home. Now, I'm headed out to the library to tell Kristen my friends know her, but really I'm waiting in Lakeshore for my mom. And I'll do Research at the library too. But really, I haven't been waiting long, so there is no reason for all these frustrated pen strokes( or all this frustration). For plan ( see above) For ball of emotion and frustration (See me) For perpetually late (See my mom) ( Not fair, but where do you direct simmering emotion? I give it to you LORD. I hear my mom's keys jangling up the stairs. Please, take this from me, LORD. I PRAISE YOU.
now, say i don't do anything. and i think all that was before 11am. chuckle, chuckle, another approriate funny comment and smiles, tons of smiles : )
7/6/06
Lord Christ,
I want this. I want to be at Camp Mcdowell, to be paid. I know I drink, am confused and angry so much there, but I want: the opportunity. I have changed. I will change with your Grace, your Mercy, your Love. The only remedy for love is to love. I love you with my little broken and pasted together heart. If this, or anything I plan, is not your will for me; I pray you keep me from falling into peices (and on your way, PLEASE) I pray for your people, those hurt, the needy, the sick, and all those who feel alone. I pray YOUR TRUE BLESSINGS on all those, and all your Creation. It is good: it is very good. I Bless your holy Name LORD; I lift my soul and rejoice in you, I am broken, please forgive your broken child, and help me forgive me. I praise YOUR HOLY NAME. I BLESS YOU. I THANK YOU, FOREVER ALWAYS REJOICING, AMEN.
later...
Planning a Conversation
-Michael Gold****
(friend?, Summer Camp Coordinator)
I want to work.
My skills:
Leading discussion
-Bible oriented and friendly
-Enthusiasm towards work and
previous skill in Camp Mcdowell work
-Previous Experience with Most of the Staff
and many of the Campers
I've got my abilities, my energy, my experience, and my determination.
And I want to work.
This is different from yesterday because yesterday we talked about
the number of people at camp, but I can't change that. (I do) offer
myself, fully engaged.
later...
Talked to Michael, still a "no-go" so far, but I'm hoping for a change of heart message when I get home. Now, I'm headed out to the library to tell Kristen my friends know her, but really I'm waiting in Lakeshore for my mom. And I'll do Research at the library too. But really, I haven't been waiting long, so there is no reason for all these frustrated pen strokes( or all this frustration). For plan ( see above) For ball of emotion and frustration (See me) For perpetually late (See my mom) ( Not fair, but where do you direct simmering emotion? I give it to you LORD. I hear my mom's keys jangling up the stairs. Please, take this from me, LORD. I PRAISE YOU.
now, say i don't do anything. and i think all that was before 11am. chuckle, chuckle, another approriate funny comment and smiles, tons of smiles : )