I have confidence
I'm having another of those 1 in the morning epiphanies of mine, in which I realize how much things around me have changed, for better or for worse. It seems like it's been a long time coming, but this all started in July, when my little world stopped. Since then, I've had a hell of a time of it. But, I digress.
Back in the first week of July, my boyfriend of just shy of 16 months broke up with me. I can't say I didn't see it coming, but it still hurt nonetheless. I also can't say I deserved it either, but that's neither here nor there. The healing time, according to my friend Katie is either half of, or the entire length of the relationship; as it is now, I'm just over the three-month mark, so I've got a long ways to go before that wound is completely healed. In addition to that, I finally got in trouble with the cops--to make a long story short, I got pulled over on 695 just before Falls Road by a state trooper who clocked me in at 23 miles over the speed limit. Court appearance is the 27th of this month. To celebrate my horrendous luck in that department, I called up Katie, and she dyed my hair jet black, and it stayed that way until just last weekend.
However, there are fortunately more good things that have happened to me since then that outweigh the bad. My job this summer paid me much more than I had expected, and I'm looking at getting a promotion next summer, so more hours, more money--woot. I got to spend almost a whole month house-sitting for various people, so I didn't have to live at home. My course load is significantly lighter, so much of the weight to classwork is off, but there's still enough to keep me busy, and for once, I'm not behind in anything by midterm. The new swimmies are light-hearted and are helping me feel like the mentor I strive to be for them, and CuJo is showing no signs of abating the solid practices he gives us, which I'm actually looking forward to. I feel very strong this season, and I'm determined to give this one everything I have.
Speaking of giving everything I have, I'm back on the stage, which is a huge relief for me since I felt like a large part of my life was missing when I didn't perform. "The Sound of Music" opens this weekend at St. Matthew's, and although I play a mere nun, I haven't felt better in my life. I never realized how truly happy I am when I'm on stage, whether in the spotlight or not, and this production has gone a long way towards healing that wound. The best part of it all was due to a string of unusual circumstances. The understudy for Maria (who was already guaranteed one performance) had to drop out two weeks before opening; the director called me, and asked me if I would take over the role. Everyone is so happy for me, and no one is more so than I. Getting the lead in a show, even if for only a night hasn't inflated my ego at all, and has humbled me to know that so many people count on me. Being on stage and playing Maria helps me to re-evaluate some of my own life problems, and I feel very strongly that when I do play Maria, I'm still about 95% Renee, and 5% Maria Rainer.
Despite the conspicuous animosity between the people who have chosen to disappear from my life, I know that I've slowly begun to heal. And based on something I read in someone else's journal, I can truly say...
"I have confidence in confidence alone...
Besides which you see
I have confidence in me!"
Thank you each and every one of you out there who have touched my life in any way to make the the person I am today, and who have given me the power to stand up, take the lead, and inspire others to follow their dreams.
Back in the first week of July, my boyfriend of just shy of 16 months broke up with me. I can't say I didn't see it coming, but it still hurt nonetheless. I also can't say I deserved it either, but that's neither here nor there. The healing time, according to my friend Katie is either half of, or the entire length of the relationship; as it is now, I'm just over the three-month mark, so I've got a long ways to go before that wound is completely healed. In addition to that, I finally got in trouble with the cops--to make a long story short, I got pulled over on 695 just before Falls Road by a state trooper who clocked me in at 23 miles over the speed limit. Court appearance is the 27th of this month. To celebrate my horrendous luck in that department, I called up Katie, and she dyed my hair jet black, and it stayed that way until just last weekend.
However, there are fortunately more good things that have happened to me since then that outweigh the bad. My job this summer paid me much more than I had expected, and I'm looking at getting a promotion next summer, so more hours, more money--woot. I got to spend almost a whole month house-sitting for various people, so I didn't have to live at home. My course load is significantly lighter, so much of the weight to classwork is off, but there's still enough to keep me busy, and for once, I'm not behind in anything by midterm. The new swimmies are light-hearted and are helping me feel like the mentor I strive to be for them, and CuJo is showing no signs of abating the solid practices he gives us, which I'm actually looking forward to. I feel very strong this season, and I'm determined to give this one everything I have.
Speaking of giving everything I have, I'm back on the stage, which is a huge relief for me since I felt like a large part of my life was missing when I didn't perform. "The Sound of Music" opens this weekend at St. Matthew's, and although I play a mere nun, I haven't felt better in my life. I never realized how truly happy I am when I'm on stage, whether in the spotlight or not, and this production has gone a long way towards healing that wound. The best part of it all was due to a string of unusual circumstances. The understudy for Maria (who was already guaranteed one performance) had to drop out two weeks before opening; the director called me, and asked me if I would take over the role. Everyone is so happy for me, and no one is more so than I. Getting the lead in a show, even if for only a night hasn't inflated my ego at all, and has humbled me to know that so many people count on me. Being on stage and playing Maria helps me to re-evaluate some of my own life problems, and I feel very strongly that when I do play Maria, I'm still about 95% Renee, and 5% Maria Rainer.
Despite the conspicuous animosity between the people who have chosen to disappear from my life, I know that I've slowly begun to heal. And based on something I read in someone else's journal, I can truly say...
"I have confidence in confidence alone...
Besides which you see
I have confidence in me!"
Thank you each and every one of you out there who have touched my life in any way to make the the person I am today, and who have given me the power to stand up, take the lead, and inspire others to follow their dreams.