???
Today is day 6 of the count down to when my boyfriend leaves. Do only girls do this, or what? How can guys be so simply and easily detached? Oh, to be a guy: fuck around and only feel the slightest twinge of regret in my heart as I slip out #437's door before she awakes; pee standing up seemingly anywhere I want; have everyone listen to me the minute I open my mouth (or at least to be blessed with the delusion that everyone really IS listening to me no matter what.) I feel like every moment is a sign of something in the future. I feel like very time we say goodbye I have to hug him really tight, and memorize every wrinkle in his shirt before I watch him run up the stairs. I hate that I don't have my own place. With the way things are set up right now, I can't stay at his place without serious risks: his psychotic roomate is so mystifyingly gross I have to wear shoes into the bathroom for fear that if I don't my feet will turn orange and fall off, or I will step on his stash of meth and he'll come after me with a knife. (Interesting, don't you think, that a man so jigglingly large could simultaneously be a methhead?) Not to mention the fact that my boyfriend shares his room with another guy. Iue. Also, my parents don't want him around for periods of longer than 2 minutes or so, so the only night I will get to be with him is the night before he leaves, when we'll go camping. I feel like I'm two seconds away from splitting down the middle. Is it that I hate being a girl, always full of too much emotion? Or is it that I am finally in a sane relationship and for reasons I have no control over it doesn't get to stay that way??? I hate college. It takes all my people away. Also, I think I've offended Graham by making fun of his OUT Magazine photos. Plus, Shauna and Ethan are being assholes and saving the homeless people from starving to death. Whatever. I think I'll go take up ju jitsu.