Mothers Just Know.
If there is one thing I learned this past (academic) year, it's that nothing defines you better than your relationships with others and your actions.
There are many, many people that I have formed and/or strengthened relationships with this year that I would never be the same without, and that have defined me as a greater person than I ever thought possible.
One is only a few floors away by proximity but never far in mind and heart. There are no words to really describe how grateful I am, but I'm extremely thankful that he accepts and appreciates me, flaws and oddities and all.
Another sleeps a couple of steps away from my own bed, and she has been my rock throughout this year. I would definitely have clawed my way up a wall without her.
A person who really helped me balance a social life (that I never had before!) with academics and extracurriculars lives down the residence hall. I'm extremely glad I met him this year, because he was always eager to listen when I needed someone to listen to me and he was also there to talk to me when I needed a pep talk.
Across the hall from that person is another person that I am so blessed to have in my life. She has been like a ray of sunshine in my life--she makes me laugh and she's so emotionally open with me that we can talk about everything we're feeling all the time.
My unofficial roommate is definitely on my list of super-important people. He always cheers me up when I'm down and makes me feel a lot better about things that overwhelm me. He's also been there to bail me out of my worst situations, and I definitely owe my survival this term to him!! (As well as a LOT of frustration, distraction, and unproductivity. I would definitely not take him any other way though :)
Two people live quite a bit farther away from me than the previous people, but they are no less important to me. One of them is going through a lot of rough things emotionally, and I hope I can help her through them as much as she has helped me through my own problems. The other is a childhood friend I am so grateful to have reconnected with her in university because she is an amazing listener as well as a fountain of fantastic advice.
In addition to these individuals, my Cell Bio group, Psychobio essay group, inquiry class as a whole, and pretty much ALL my friends that I met this year and in years past have been integral in becoming who I am.
Last but not least, of course, is my family. My sister is my best friend, partner in crime, and closest ally I have. She is probably the closest person I have in my life. My brother and I don't always see eye-to-eye, but I love him and I hope he knows that I would do anything for him. I owe my parents everything and I just pray that I will be able to make them proud and live up to their expectations and repay them even a fraction of what they have given me in this life.
One thing that I really love about my parents is that I can talk to them about everything. I didn't always feel that way, but now I do and I cannot adequately express how much this has helped me better myself and strengthen my relationship with all members of my family.
This comes with the fact that my mother always knows when there's something I need to talk about. When I got home today, Mom and I talked about trivial things at first, and I made an offhand comment about my "university stress". She pushed and I crumbled and a great catharsis came with spilling all my worries and stresses and emotional issues to my mother.
I told her about one of my friend's issues and how scared we were that her offhand suicide comments would become a reality. I told her about all my stresses as First Year Rep and about things going wrong, about school work and getting things done and getting frustrated when they didn't work out. I talked to her about Tiffy and how she feels compared to me, and I talked to her about all the worries I had about Kyle. It felt good to know that she wasn't judging me and she was just listening, offering her support and her advice and letting me know that she was there for me.
Overall, however, she warned me not to get too lost in my work and my extracurriculars because it would drive me insane and the emotional stress would likely impede my daily life. I confessed that I did sometimes have trouble sleeping when I got too anxious about something, and she told me that it wouldn't stop there--she warned me that I may express the emotions elsewhere, taking out my frustration or depression on Iley or Julian or one of my other friends. This scares me so much more than losing sleep over something relatively trivial--I just don't want to hurt the people that mean everything to me. She said I shouldn't be stressing myself to tears over a mistake made in a work order and that I shouldn't be feeling depressed because a submission date gets pushed back. I'm infamous for overreacting and it isn't good for me, so I need to try to cool down as quickly as possible when I feel overwhelmed or disappointed or angry.
She also told me not to be afraid to confront Kyle about my worries, and not to shy away from him. I know that of everyone I hold near and dear to my heart, he is the one that I cannot easily communicate with. I told her about a short Facebook conversation I had with him that worried me, and how he said "you haven't met me"... I was wounded because I really felt like I didn't know my own brother, and even though he meant it jokingly I felt the weight of that thought crush me in that moment.
Mom said that maybe talking to him is a good idea because it'll make him really see how his actions affect the rest of us. I'm still scared but I'm going to try. And I'm going to try not to get myself so worked up over things that really should be minimal worries...
Thanks, Mom. Thanks for knowing I needed to talk and for doing what you do <3. I certainly have a lot to think about now, but I'm glad I have something I can try to do to change for the better.
There are many, many people that I have formed and/or strengthened relationships with this year that I would never be the same without, and that have defined me as a greater person than I ever thought possible.
One is only a few floors away by proximity but never far in mind and heart. There are no words to really describe how grateful I am, but I'm extremely thankful that he accepts and appreciates me, flaws and oddities and all.
Another sleeps a couple of steps away from my own bed, and she has been my rock throughout this year. I would definitely have clawed my way up a wall without her.
A person who really helped me balance a social life (that I never had before!) with academics and extracurriculars lives down the residence hall. I'm extremely glad I met him this year, because he was always eager to listen when I needed someone to listen to me and he was also there to talk to me when I needed a pep talk.
Across the hall from that person is another person that I am so blessed to have in my life. She has been like a ray of sunshine in my life--she makes me laugh and she's so emotionally open with me that we can talk about everything we're feeling all the time.
My unofficial roommate is definitely on my list of super-important people. He always cheers me up when I'm down and makes me feel a lot better about things that overwhelm me. He's also been there to bail me out of my worst situations, and I definitely owe my survival this term to him!! (As well as a LOT of frustration, distraction, and unproductivity. I would definitely not take him any other way though :)
Two people live quite a bit farther away from me than the previous people, but they are no less important to me. One of them is going through a lot of rough things emotionally, and I hope I can help her through them as much as she has helped me through my own problems. The other is a childhood friend I am so grateful to have reconnected with her in university because she is an amazing listener as well as a fountain of fantastic advice.
In addition to these individuals, my Cell Bio group, Psychobio essay group, inquiry class as a whole, and pretty much ALL my friends that I met this year and in years past have been integral in becoming who I am.
Last but not least, of course, is my family. My sister is my best friend, partner in crime, and closest ally I have. She is probably the closest person I have in my life. My brother and I don't always see eye-to-eye, but I love him and I hope he knows that I would do anything for him. I owe my parents everything and I just pray that I will be able to make them proud and live up to their expectations and repay them even a fraction of what they have given me in this life.
One thing that I really love about my parents is that I can talk to them about everything. I didn't always feel that way, but now I do and I cannot adequately express how much this has helped me better myself and strengthen my relationship with all members of my family.
This comes with the fact that my mother always knows when there's something I need to talk about. When I got home today, Mom and I talked about trivial things at first, and I made an offhand comment about my "university stress". She pushed and I crumbled and a great catharsis came with spilling all my worries and stresses and emotional issues to my mother.
I told her about one of my friend's issues and how scared we were that her offhand suicide comments would become a reality. I told her about all my stresses as First Year Rep and about things going wrong, about school work and getting things done and getting frustrated when they didn't work out. I talked to her about Tiffy and how she feels compared to me, and I talked to her about all the worries I had about Kyle. It felt good to know that she wasn't judging me and she was just listening, offering her support and her advice and letting me know that she was there for me.
Overall, however, she warned me not to get too lost in my work and my extracurriculars because it would drive me insane and the emotional stress would likely impede my daily life. I confessed that I did sometimes have trouble sleeping when I got too anxious about something, and she told me that it wouldn't stop there--she warned me that I may express the emotions elsewhere, taking out my frustration or depression on Iley or Julian or one of my other friends. This scares me so much more than losing sleep over something relatively trivial--I just don't want to hurt the people that mean everything to me. She said I shouldn't be stressing myself to tears over a mistake made in a work order and that I shouldn't be feeling depressed because a submission date gets pushed back. I'm infamous for overreacting and it isn't good for me, so I need to try to cool down as quickly as possible when I feel overwhelmed or disappointed or angry.
She also told me not to be afraid to confront Kyle about my worries, and not to shy away from him. I know that of everyone I hold near and dear to my heart, he is the one that I cannot easily communicate with. I told her about a short Facebook conversation I had with him that worried me, and how he said "you haven't met me"... I was wounded because I really felt like I didn't know my own brother, and even though he meant it jokingly I felt the weight of that thought crush me in that moment.
Mom said that maybe talking to him is a good idea because it'll make him really see how his actions affect the rest of us. I'm still scared but I'm going to try. And I'm going to try not to get myself so worked up over things that really should be minimal worries...
Thanks, Mom. Thanks for knowing I needed to talk and for doing what you do <3. I certainly have a lot to think about now, but I'm glad I have something I can try to do to change for the better.