Red wine and 1 AM
I have too much work to do.
But here I am... drinking red wine... staring at my secured credit books... and...
It's been an interesting day.
Sometimes life is like watching a car crash at the Indy 500.
Sometimes.
It's the wine talking. And the sleepyness. And the fact that I'm totally hooked on Heroes and I just watched the episode (3 hours ago)... and I'm sure a number of other things.
All day I've been on the verge.. the verge of locking myself in a tiny room for a good solid cry. You know what I'm talking about. The kind of cry that is almost a guilty pleasure.
What makes a leader? What makes one person visible to their peers as someone who can manage to keep twenty balls up in the air? What allows someone to glide through the world with that mentality, that ease, that spirit and confidence.. nay, not confidence. Arrogance.
What is strange for me.... I had that in China. I was respected as a team player, as someone who could bring the group to consensus.... I was a natural leader - in China. But not here. What makes America different? What here means I am a quirk instead of a leader?
There are reasons I loved China that I've never admitted, even to myself. This is one of them. I made fast friends with a group of incredible people, and this same group listened to me in a way that few of my American colleagues ever have. It wasn't about telling, or inspiring, or pushing, or demanding... it was about getting everyone to express their opinion and come to a consensus.
I'm rambling now.
I should have been born Chinese.
I'm having more wine.
But here I am... drinking red wine... staring at my secured credit books... and...
It's been an interesting day.
Sometimes life is like watching a car crash at the Indy 500.
Sometimes.
It's the wine talking. And the sleepyness. And the fact that I'm totally hooked on Heroes and I just watched the episode (3 hours ago)... and I'm sure a number of other things.
All day I've been on the verge.. the verge of locking myself in a tiny room for a good solid cry. You know what I'm talking about. The kind of cry that is almost a guilty pleasure.
What makes a leader? What makes one person visible to their peers as someone who can manage to keep twenty balls up in the air? What allows someone to glide through the world with that mentality, that ease, that spirit and confidence.. nay, not confidence. Arrogance.
What is strange for me.... I had that in China. I was respected as a team player, as someone who could bring the group to consensus.... I was a natural leader - in China. But not here. What makes America different? What here means I am a quirk instead of a leader?
There are reasons I loved China that I've never admitted, even to myself. This is one of them. I made fast friends with a group of incredible people, and this same group listened to me in a way that few of my American colleagues ever have. It wasn't about telling, or inspiring, or pushing, or demanding... it was about getting everyone to express their opinion and come to a consensus.
I'm rambling now.
I should have been born Chinese.
I'm having more wine.