[locked] and a heaviness in my head.
[ OOC: Continued from here ]
It's been a while since Lena talked to a younger demon.
There was something about meeting this one that struck a chord.
Not that Lena saw herself exactly as she was all those years ago, but there were enough similarities she couldn't help but take to her. She remembers being that uncertain. She remembers being that ( Read more... )
It's been a while since Lena talked to a younger demon.
There was something about meeting this one that struck a chord.
Not that Lena saw herself exactly as she was all those years ago, but there were enough similarities she couldn't help but take to her. She remembers being that uncertain. She remembers being that ( Read more... )
She doesn't know if it's true... what will happen to her? What will she do after this year of high school is over? The demon wants her to leave and to make its own way in the world, but...
Jess wouldn't want that. She doesn't think. Chicago is home and it's a support system of people that she ha been able to care about. Out there, they try to make you feel like only the demon or only the angel matters. There's so much separation, and it is not a place to go if she doesn't want to give into the demon.
She doesn't want to.
It's like a breath of fresh air where she can believe that, can hear it, can see some light in what has been darkness all this time. It's hope. It's a chance. She has never had that before, but now she does and she can... she ha to grab hold of it.
Before it seemed stupid to want anything else, how could she? Why would she? The demon in her head was so loud. How could she have anything other than that? How could she see anything in her future other than that? The voice was far too loud to think about anything else.
She would do it all over again. No regrets. Jess doesn't know what it is like to live without regrets, because they are all she has. Regrets. She regrets what she did to Eric, how that ended. So maybe that is the only one, she can't imagine... wanting to do that again but she's still young and still in the middle of this big mess.
This mess that is her life, and she swallows thickly, shaking her head but trying to keep hold of that light.
It's what she wants, and she knows that. The demon i loud, and it makes her feel like she wants the rest, wants to destroy people, but it's not her.
It's part of her, but it's not-- it can't be her.
It has been everything to her to get hope, to get... another way when she didn't have another way but to give into what she could do. Jess breathes in at the You're welcome and then nods, smiling at her somehow between the feeling in her chest that brings tears to her eyes.
There is hope.
There is hope.
Like if she keeps repeating it in her head, it'll be true.
"Okay. I'll remember," Jess says, and she will remember. When it gets too loud, when she doesn't know what to do, she can- she has the number, and she's quick to put it into her phone so it won't be lost.
She writes Lena in the contact name and then writes hope in the notes for the contact.
Jess breathes in again and can't finish her coffee with the strength of the things flowing through her, the emotions flowing through her. It's a long time until she's able to stand and to walk away like if he does, the hope-- the hope will be gone too but as she walks away, it remains.
The light in all that dark remains. Somehow.
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