[open] and i'll never need a lie
Lena Austen lost her cross necklace a few hours ago. She doesn't think of herself as a materialistic person. The necklace means something to her. That's why she is crouched beside a bench in Grant Park, looking for said necklace in the grass. She must've dropped it there while she was running. Running from who? She'll never tell
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"So what you're saying is being naked inside is--" she stops herself, almost ruefully. "Won't go there now."
She is still shivering pretty violently, her hand wringing the water out of her hair while she covers as much of herself as she can. At least she found her combat boots. And her necklace. "Sorry, I just didn't want to lose the necklace," she explains, lifting it up to show him before placing it back around her neck.
Some things she just isn't willing to part with, and if she'd lost her necklace, the only thing from back home she has, there would have been an epic tantrum and maybe some tears.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Lena asks softly, scanning the length of him.
Not the manly bits, Lucky. Promise. It wasn't even ten minutes ago he was terrified and having a hard time breathing.
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He stares at her as she starts to go there, laughing and smiling a little awkwardly even as she cuts herself off. Lucky nods. Yes, not going there now. While he's shivering and they're both still very naked, it's best to figure out how to get out of here and get clothes.
Lucky glances at the necklace and then nods. "It's... okay. I understand. I know how important the necklace is. I was worried about you, but you weren't exactly in a position to communicate and I wasn't... either. The ear biting--" He winces, rubbing the back of his neck. "I am sorry about that."
He doesn't even really remember the logic that the fox brain had had. Saying that a fox brain has logic is probably giving it too much credit.
He looks at her as she scans him, at the soft sound of her voice, and Lucky knows why she asks. "I'm... sure. Now that Godzilla is no longer throwing us around in a tin can. It's just-- Everyone's said that there are monsters, but that was my first and it's different when you're actually looking at one. It's terrifying in person and my mind just jumped to that fear. I couldn't find courage and I've-- that's never really happened to me before, but it has to be... one of those things you get used to, right?"
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The narration promises Lena will not go there at all, leaving the jokes to Lou and the rest.
She can't, however, hide the tiny smile curving on her lips. "It wasn't a bite. So much as a nibble. Tiny gnaw, perhaps." Her hand darts up to the ear in question, fingertips gently tracing the lobe with tiny marks. "Apology accepted. I won't go around telling everyone how Lucky Spencer was nibbling on my ear if you don't tell anyone I was hiding under your fur."
"It's okay if you don't get used to it, Lucky," she says quietly, wrapping the blanket tighter around her frame. As glad as she is to have found him, as seamless as it's been to have him be her partner, sometimes she wonders if he isn't better off. This life, it costs you at some point, and a monster on the streets is the least of a Wanderer's worries, when it comes down to it.
"It's okay if you can't find it the next time, or the one after that. You get used to pushing the fear aside, but it's... it's gonna be there because it's scary."
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Lucky smiles back at her a little. "It was a firm nibbling on your ear," he says, wincing and leaning in to have a look at her ear. It is so odd how that works, and he doesn't like that there are marks there from his nibbling but... the fox is to be blamed. "Thank you for accepting the apology. We'll keep both of our secrets safe, and we'll... move on from there."
He closes his eyes and glances down before his gaze finds hers again. "Is it? If you live in this city and you never... get used to godzilla tossing you around, what happens to you? Can you survive this place?"
It's not to say that he thinks it will happen to him. He has always been good at surviving and adapting, which comes from years of moving around, but he has to wonder. Oh, Lena. Lucky doesn't think he'd be better off at all.
"You... hide your fear well," Lucky says, wrapping the blanket more tightly around his body as well, motioning for them to start walking... somewhere out of the cold. "I would almost think you didn't fear anything except I saw it today... I could sense it, I mean. I know that's... strange to say, but you still... you were still much calmer than I was, not as terrified. Are you always shoving it down or is it just that you rarely feel fear anymore? Did you get used to it all?"
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There are never any easy questions when it comes to this, are there? Lena meets his gaze and doesn't answer at first. When she does, it's still quiet. "You can survive in a place without growing desensitize to what happens in it, Lucky. Sometimes, that's better. If it all becomes so normal and stops affecting you to the point it's accepted, it's--" Lena shakes her head, not quite sure how to explain it.
She begins to walk, fingers curled into the cloth. She keeps his gaze on him before focusing it on the long, narrow street ahead. "Every minute of every hour of every day, I'm shoving something down. I give myself allowances to be blunt and do what I want in some things because I have to be very self-disciplined in others. It isn't that I'm hiding fear or anything else, it's just me...controlling it. Because I have to."
And it's exhausting, but she hasn't reached that stage yet. It comes, though. It always does.
When she's so unrestrained in her way of thinking and caring and laughing, it's because she's so limited in everything else.
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He maintains his gaze on hers. Her eyes are beautiful and honest. It's the eyes, cowboy. What Luke always said. The eyes are the hardest part to mask, and she has never been anything less but real and honest with him. "It seems like it would be difficult to survive without becoming at least a little desensitized. You wouldn't be able to react like you should in situations like that, but I can see... how it might be better too to not let this be normal."
It's hard for him to imagine it being normal to run into monsters, to react without that immediate feeling of fear. Lucky walks beside her, wondering at how they must look to other people. Two naked strangers wrapped in crummy blankets.
Lucky is quiet too and then he stops to turn and look at her. "And you have to control it because of the calling," he says, filling in the gaps that aren't there. He remembers what it was like in the height of withdrawal shoving down the need for more pills, to experience that every moment of every day. Concern hits him, and he can't keep it from his face as he looks at her. "That must be... exhausting."
She doesn't have to say it for him to figure it out.
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"Everything has its pros and cons. And no matter what they tell you, being here isn't just about surviving. If you survive and grow numb to it all, what's the point?"
There'd be no point. It's the greatest reason she never uses her powers. Ever.
Lena slows down at his observation. She doesn't seem too surprised he's figured it out. It's been on her mind lately, more than usual. And it isn't just because of her birthday. It isn't that she thinks the moment the turns twenty-five her mind starts to splinter. She knows it doesn't work like that. But every year that goes by is one year that she gets closer to what's... inevitable. And as much as she loves her unconventional life, there's that moment where she wishes she was human.
"Yeah, it's really exhausting," she says quietly, clearing her throat. "But it's better than the alternative. At least for now." She smiles up at him once she sees his concern, never once to consciously make anything harder or sadder than it needs to be. "I've got time."
Time before what, she can't be certain. Time before she loses her mind? Time before she gives in? Time before both?
She tucks a strand of hair over her ear and then turns to walking, faster than before. "Listen, I've still got time to change into another dress and carry out the mission in time. I know you've had enough surprises for the night, so... go back to the Crowbar and tell them I might be a little late?"
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...yes, that went to the tune of Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.
"There wouldn't be a point," Lucky agrees. "But it feels like there should be a balance so you can survive without losing the parts of yourself that make you... you. I guess finding that balance isn't exactly easy though, and who wants to chance it?"
In the end, their humanity is all that they really have. It gives them the ability to love and to care, to have a family like the one that awaits them back at the bar. It gives them a greater purpose than material wealth of any kind. If he wasn't paid for this, he wouldn't mind. He doesn't do it for the money. The payment comes from something else, and it's the family that he's been able to become apart of.
Lucky nods at her answer, hating to have brought the subject up if there's nothing he can do to make it better. What's the point in rehashing something that's clearly painful for her? Even if she's smiling at him now. I've got time means that time is limited, a few days, a few months, a few years? How long? He can't help wondering because... he cares about her.
He gives her a look, walking fast enough to catch up with her. "What? And let you have all the fun by yourself? I'd like to let you know you're being incredibly unfair. I'm a cop, remember? Can't stand for unfairness. It's against the law," There's that almost smile on his face and in his eyes again as if it's so easy to wipe that darkness away. It's not but he's trying, because there's nothing that can be done. "It's my mission, and I'm not calling it a night until it's over."
And the smile fades, he becomes serious again. "You're my partner, Lena. Where else would I be?"
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Lena isn't expecting Lucky to stop her, and she turns around once he's caught up, the surprise most likely evident in her features. It slowly gives way to amusement, and something else she can't really verbalize at the moment. Her eyes always give her away, too. So Lucky's not the only one there.
"Our mission," she corrects with a rueful grin. "And before you threaten to handcuff me again--not that I mind--I'll concede before there's any further arguing. Wouldn't want an ornery Lucky in my hands."
She's never really had a partner. Sure, she's gone on missions with Zoe and Tim and even Gates before. But she's never had a consistent person to go on missions with the way Zoe and John would go on missions, the way Sonny and Gates would. She isn't used to it, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.
Lena worries. Of course she worries. She sees how attached Lucky is, and not just to her, but to the whole family. There is always that undercurrent of concern that comes with letting someone else in. The worry that she'll hurt them, and the stark reminder of how different it is. Humans and demons. Humans and angels. Angels and demons.
"Nowhere else," she agrees, and while she's serious too, she's smiling when she hooks her arm over his and leans against him as they walk. They'll clean up, go to the event in question, and carry out the mission. Together.
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