(no subject)
It's not news that Richard Alpert is spending his afternoon on a bench in Grant Park. He's been coming here more and more often to clear his mind and relax; but today, his mind is too full to clear. As for relaxation-speak to him when two big issues that plague him are resolved. Like one of the reasons why he's here and not watching the street from the windowsill at home. He could be interrupted by just about anyone in Grant Park. The crucial concept being “just about anyone” and not-well, not one of the issues that's cluttering his mind.
The other issue is something he can't so easily escape. The other issue is himself.
He's gone to a handful of job interviews, signed papers and acquired the proper falsified documents to give him the illusion of legitimacy. All of these things have been for some man named Richard Alpert from Manhattan. Richard Alpert had once been from another island entirely, had once held positions of power in an actual hierarchy and a false corporation.
He also was a construct of the 20th Century, a result of the growing impracticality of a Spaniard named Ricardo. “Richard Alpert” was generic enough not to invite inquiry. It bought him enough time to give people the impression that he wasn't inclined to answer personal questions. That besides, Richard Alpert had no past. He had never lost a wife, never killed by accident, never was imprisoned, considered unforgivable, or sold into slavery. Richard Alpert was a mystery, one big enough to inspire enough theories to obscure the truth.
That was only practical on the island. Out in Chicago he's just a man, one who's aging, one who will, eventually, die. Out here in Chicago, Richard Alpert has a past. And the man who calls himself Richard Alpert, now, is thinking he liked life better when he pretended he didn't have a past. But who does he have to be to free himself of his past? What name does he have to come up with now? And where does he have to go?
Because going wouldn't be such a bad idea. Going would mean leaving behind all the people he's started to build a history with in Chicago. Going would mean leaving behind the person he has the wrong kinds of feelings for. It's not that he doesn't like them, it's not that he wants to hurt them, it's just--
--he wants a fresh start. And he's not sure he can get that and be Richard Alpert at the same time.
The issue is: he doesn't know who he wants to be. And that--
--is causing him to look out to Grant Park for any distraction that will come his way.