Catching up
there's been a lot of stuff happening lately, it's crazy. I love it! most of the time I wish "stuff" would happen and it doesn't. I spend most of my time trying to make myself do things like keeping the apartment clean and actually preparing meals or studying and writing like a good little writer-person & homemaker should. but I tend to get distracted by my boredom and fixation on what a weird phase of life I'm in. I set out on the adventure that is my marriage determined to take an entire year from doing anything but learning to be a good wife to my husband, and I am still very resolute in that decision. but it's forced me to face some nasty parts of myself, like how even though I "know better" I still determine my value in life by whether I'm in college and have a job. I'm pretty sure I still haven't learned not to think like that, at least to some degree. I am dyyyyyyyying to be back in school!
I just love learning. love, love, love it. and though I'm pretty cool with not having a job, it would be nice to have one for numerous reasons. my problem is that whenever I do consider getting one I either get smacked down by the Lord, or I get smacked down by something else...like insecurities. but what it really comes down to is this: I refuse to get a job out of fear of financial failure or anything of the sort.
so I'm kinda stuck on that issue. should I get a job? I dunno. as far as school goes, I have to wait until we actually settle somewhere before I can consider it, which brings me back to all the crazy stuff that's been happening lately.
Ben's job that we moved to Atlanta for ended just weeks after we got married. basically, we had enough time to settle comfortably into our "nest" and then the money just completely dried up. we would've saved more money and worried less about newlywed comforts if we had known that was going to happen, but we were caught off guard for several reasons. 1) his job at Radical Axis (the company here in Atlanta) was supposed to last THROUGH October, not UNTIL October, which is what happened. they ran out of work early and Ben was one of the first to be cut. 2) we didn't think it would matter anyway because Ben got another freelancing job with a company called Osmo in Finland. at the time of his working at Radical, Osmo was always trying to get more of his (Ben's) attention because they said they had a lot of work for him to do, so we figured we were set anyways once his job at Radical ended. wrong! when Ben was finally able to give them his full attention they would take weeks, if not months to get in touch with him. I think he did a total of 4 (maybe) projects for them, and they only payed about $300 a piece. ouch. that was our only income.
that was a pretty lean time, let me tell you. we tried everything we knew of to try and get more money. we sold our stuff on ebay, I tried to get a job (but the Lord smacked me down that time), Ben tried (and succeeded) to get a job at our EBgames, except that whenever he was ready to work some hours that would be when Osmo would finally get a hold of him again and he'd have work for them so he'd have to back down from EB. basically, nothing worked out...except for the ebay stuff, most of that sold, so that was cool. by that time it was Christmas 2006 and we got to head out to Tucson to spend it with most of my extended family since they all chipped in and bought us plane tickets! that was a great time.
after our mini-holiday-hiatus we came back and Ben went in (again) to tell EB he was ready to work some hours...but they didn't need him anymore so he couldn't. GRR! but then, mid-January, Ben found out about another freelancing job, this time for a company in Russia called Nival Online. they had a lot of people competing for the position but somehow, out of 400 applicants, Ben was one of the few who won out. praise the Lord! we thought we were finally in the clear....
wrong.
they had him fill out all the paperwork, told him he'd need to complete an assignment every 4 days, and gave him his first one. sounds great, right? we thought so too. Ben did his first assignment, had everything in on time, and then it turned out that they were having a really hard time getting all the paperwork to go through for the freelancers they'd hired (including Ben) because of the laws in Russia. to solve the problem, they said they were going to set up a branch in the US so that it would be easier to pay everyone, etc. it would take a while but no problem, we'd wait it out.
well, we waited. and waited. and meanwhile, our payment for the first project didn't come in -- though that didn't stop our $700 rent from being due, or our electricity bill, or our gas bill...etc. finally, after about 2-3 months, we got an email saying that everything was finally set up and they're ready to keep going! we finally got the payment for the first project, and everything seemed hunky dorey. by then we're watching as the end of our lease approached. we only had (and have) a few months until it's done and then we knew we had to move because we absolutely could not afford to be living in midtown Atlanta with no regular income. through out all this we'd been living on the grace of God alone. He would randomly make money show up or give us odd jobs to do for some cash and it would always turn out to be just enough.
well, back to Nival. Ben told them he was ready for work and that he'd even like to get 8-10 projects done a month. if he was able to do that, we would be more than supported and could even afford to move at the end of our lease! but then we didn't hear back from them. for a long time. in fact, we still haven't heard back from them. Ben's even emailed them several times and all we've gotten in response is "we're working on it, we'll email you when we're ready."
during all of this, Ben has been searching for jobs and applying to them every chance he'd get. when he wasn't online looking for jobs he was at his computer, working on his art for his portfolio so that he'd have a better chance of getting a job. I would seriously have to pull him away from working just to spend time with me and get out of the apartment or even just to eat. he is a very, very dedicated individual.
every once in a while we'd feel like we had hit the breaking point...and then the Lord would show us how He could bring us even lower. and lower. and lower. to the point of not being able to afford to buy more bread for pb&j and wearing dirty clothes because we couldn't even imagine being able to afford to wash them. actually, we're not quite out of that low point yet lol. but don't worry, I won't end this entry on a depressing note. it got so bad that Ben finally decided he was going to email every single professional artist whose email address he could get a hold of and ask them what he was doing wrong. we just didn't understand why he couldn't get any jobs and why not a single company seemed interested in him! most of the artists emailed back. some of them had encouragement, some of them had some solid critiques, but a lot of them just had negative and awful things to say.
and the Lord took us lower. especially my husband.
through all of those emails, Ben was referred to an artist named David Cherry who turned out to be a really nice guy as well as a really great artist. at that time, we had been looking into moving to Dallas, TX because the cost of living was so much cheaper there and there were quite a few video game companies as well. (we kept hearing that you had to move to where the work was, so as far as we could tell, it was either Dallas/Austin,TX or San Francisco...which was obviously out of the question). David Cherry started mentoring Ben and helped him "get back on the horse" so to say after being criticized so thoroughly by all those artists. Ben decided to try some new techniques...or, try new ways of using older techniques, and stumbled across a few things that grew his artistic ability exponentially practically overnight!
hallelujah! that was just what we had been praying for! still no job though. there was one company in particular in Dallas, TX that we had been interested in called Ritual Entertainment, and Ben would send them new artwork once it got the "okay" from David Cherry in hopes of getting a job from them. but we still didn't hear anything. a few weeks after all that started happening Ben received a late reply from one of the artists he had emailed who was able to offer a few thoughts, but most importantly, gave Ben some online resources that we hadn't yet heard of. most especially a website called GameDevMap.com which has a map of almost all of the game developers, publishers, etc over the ENTIRE world! it was just what we had been looking for! it was especially great because we had just had a conversation a few days previous about how we felt like we were shooting in the dark because, aside from the big game company hubs (San Francisco, Dallas/Austin, Canada), we just had NO idea where to be looking for game companies. it was an amazing answer to prayer.
well this lit a fire in both of us, but especially Ben. he sat down and spent a whole day applying to all of the game companies he could find up along the east coast (this was last Monday, June 4th). the very next day he got a reply from a company in Annapolis, MD called Blue Omega who said they were very interested in him and impressed with his portfolio, and could they please call for a phone interview that Thursday?
!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
what?! YES! YES!!! at first we weren't too sure about whether the job was ideal, but who cares? it was a job! but then the more we researched it the more we realized that this job WAS ideal. it would be a full-time, salaried job with benefits as opposed to a freelance job, which is all Ben has had up until now. we wouldn't have to worry about trying to figure out our taxes, we could finally have health insurance and get a few things taken care of, not to mention what a blessing health insurance would be for having kids! and we would have job stability. AND it wouldn't take us away from our families. we would only be 5 hours from the Greenes in Fayetteville and 1 hour from the Kolomichuks in the Woodbridge/DC area. and that's just the tip of the iceburg. there are so many amazingly great things about this job position, there is just no explaining them all.
further, we had actually received a "no" from the Lord a few weeks previous about our plans to move to Dallas...but we were in such a dark place, and it was such a confusing answer, we just continued with our plans because we just didn't know what else to do. not that we were doing it rebelliously, but more that we just didn't have anything to work towards and so we were just working towards something until the Lord redirected us.
well, redirect us He did.
Ben's phone interview that Thursday went splendidly, and as far as we can tell, the art test they had him do went pretty well also. things seem to be lining up...but we're trying our hardest not to count our chickens before they hatch. if there's one thing all this has taught us (and there is way more than one thing that all this has taught us), it's that there is no comprehending the Lord's plans before He shares them with you. this job opportunity may just be another stepping stone to something else, and at the very least, we know that Ben's work is good enough to interest companies.
now we're just waiting, and praying, and trying to earn money for our up-coming move. one way or another, we still have to leave Atlanta...or at least midtown. we'll find out in a day or two if he got the job and our move is up to Annapolis...
here's to eagerly awaiting the Lord's plans.
I just love learning. love, love, love it. and though I'm pretty cool with not having a job, it would be nice to have one for numerous reasons. my problem is that whenever I do consider getting one I either get smacked down by the Lord, or I get smacked down by something else...like insecurities. but what it really comes down to is this: I refuse to get a job out of fear of financial failure or anything of the sort.
so I'm kinda stuck on that issue. should I get a job? I dunno. as far as school goes, I have to wait until we actually settle somewhere before I can consider it, which brings me back to all the crazy stuff that's been happening lately.
Ben's job that we moved to Atlanta for ended just weeks after we got married. basically, we had enough time to settle comfortably into our "nest" and then the money just completely dried up. we would've saved more money and worried less about newlywed comforts if we had known that was going to happen, but we were caught off guard for several reasons. 1) his job at Radical Axis (the company here in Atlanta) was supposed to last THROUGH October, not UNTIL October, which is what happened. they ran out of work early and Ben was one of the first to be cut. 2) we didn't think it would matter anyway because Ben got another freelancing job with a company called Osmo in Finland. at the time of his working at Radical, Osmo was always trying to get more of his (Ben's) attention because they said they had a lot of work for him to do, so we figured we were set anyways once his job at Radical ended. wrong! when Ben was finally able to give them his full attention they would take weeks, if not months to get in touch with him. I think he did a total of 4 (maybe) projects for them, and they only payed about $300 a piece. ouch. that was our only income.
that was a pretty lean time, let me tell you. we tried everything we knew of to try and get more money. we sold our stuff on ebay, I tried to get a job (but the Lord smacked me down that time), Ben tried (and succeeded) to get a job at our EBgames, except that whenever he was ready to work some hours that would be when Osmo would finally get a hold of him again and he'd have work for them so he'd have to back down from EB. basically, nothing worked out...except for the ebay stuff, most of that sold, so that was cool. by that time it was Christmas 2006 and we got to head out to Tucson to spend it with most of my extended family since they all chipped in and bought us plane tickets! that was a great time.
after our mini-holiday-hiatus we came back and Ben went in (again) to tell EB he was ready to work some hours...but they didn't need him anymore so he couldn't. GRR! but then, mid-January, Ben found out about another freelancing job, this time for a company in Russia called Nival Online. they had a lot of people competing for the position but somehow, out of 400 applicants, Ben was one of the few who won out. praise the Lord! we thought we were finally in the clear....
wrong.
they had him fill out all the paperwork, told him he'd need to complete an assignment every 4 days, and gave him his first one. sounds great, right? we thought so too. Ben did his first assignment, had everything in on time, and then it turned out that they were having a really hard time getting all the paperwork to go through for the freelancers they'd hired (including Ben) because of the laws in Russia. to solve the problem, they said they were going to set up a branch in the US so that it would be easier to pay everyone, etc. it would take a while but no problem, we'd wait it out.
well, we waited. and waited. and meanwhile, our payment for the first project didn't come in -- though that didn't stop our $700 rent from being due, or our electricity bill, or our gas bill...etc. finally, after about 2-3 months, we got an email saying that everything was finally set up and they're ready to keep going! we finally got the payment for the first project, and everything seemed hunky dorey. by then we're watching as the end of our lease approached. we only had (and have) a few months until it's done and then we knew we had to move because we absolutely could not afford to be living in midtown Atlanta with no regular income. through out all this we'd been living on the grace of God alone. He would randomly make money show up or give us odd jobs to do for some cash and it would always turn out to be just enough.
well, back to Nival. Ben told them he was ready for work and that he'd even like to get 8-10 projects done a month. if he was able to do that, we would be more than supported and could even afford to move at the end of our lease! but then we didn't hear back from them. for a long time. in fact, we still haven't heard back from them. Ben's even emailed them several times and all we've gotten in response is "we're working on it, we'll email you when we're ready."
during all of this, Ben has been searching for jobs and applying to them every chance he'd get. when he wasn't online looking for jobs he was at his computer, working on his art for his portfolio so that he'd have a better chance of getting a job. I would seriously have to pull him away from working just to spend time with me and get out of the apartment or even just to eat. he is a very, very dedicated individual.
every once in a while we'd feel like we had hit the breaking point...and then the Lord would show us how He could bring us even lower. and lower. and lower. to the point of not being able to afford to buy more bread for pb&j and wearing dirty clothes because we couldn't even imagine being able to afford to wash them. actually, we're not quite out of that low point yet lol. but don't worry, I won't end this entry on a depressing note. it got so bad that Ben finally decided he was going to email every single professional artist whose email address he could get a hold of and ask them what he was doing wrong. we just didn't understand why he couldn't get any jobs and why not a single company seemed interested in him! most of the artists emailed back. some of them had encouragement, some of them had some solid critiques, but a lot of them just had negative and awful things to say.
and the Lord took us lower. especially my husband.
through all of those emails, Ben was referred to an artist named David Cherry who turned out to be a really nice guy as well as a really great artist. at that time, we had been looking into moving to Dallas, TX because the cost of living was so much cheaper there and there were quite a few video game companies as well. (we kept hearing that you had to move to where the work was, so as far as we could tell, it was either Dallas/Austin,TX or San Francisco...which was obviously out of the question). David Cherry started mentoring Ben and helped him "get back on the horse" so to say after being criticized so thoroughly by all those artists. Ben decided to try some new techniques...or, try new ways of using older techniques, and stumbled across a few things that grew his artistic ability exponentially practically overnight!
hallelujah! that was just what we had been praying for! still no job though. there was one company in particular in Dallas, TX that we had been interested in called Ritual Entertainment, and Ben would send them new artwork once it got the "okay" from David Cherry in hopes of getting a job from them. but we still didn't hear anything. a few weeks after all that started happening Ben received a late reply from one of the artists he had emailed who was able to offer a few thoughts, but most importantly, gave Ben some online resources that we hadn't yet heard of. most especially a website called GameDevMap.com which has a map of almost all of the game developers, publishers, etc over the ENTIRE world! it was just what we had been looking for! it was especially great because we had just had a conversation a few days previous about how we felt like we were shooting in the dark because, aside from the big game company hubs (San Francisco, Dallas/Austin, Canada), we just had NO idea where to be looking for game companies. it was an amazing answer to prayer.
well this lit a fire in both of us, but especially Ben. he sat down and spent a whole day applying to all of the game companies he could find up along the east coast (this was last Monday, June 4th). the very next day he got a reply from a company in Annapolis, MD called Blue Omega who said they were very interested in him and impressed with his portfolio, and could they please call for a phone interview that Thursday?
!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
what?! YES! YES!!! at first we weren't too sure about whether the job was ideal, but who cares? it was a job! but then the more we researched it the more we realized that this job WAS ideal. it would be a full-time, salaried job with benefits as opposed to a freelance job, which is all Ben has had up until now. we wouldn't have to worry about trying to figure out our taxes, we could finally have health insurance and get a few things taken care of, not to mention what a blessing health insurance would be for having kids! and we would have job stability. AND it wouldn't take us away from our families. we would only be 5 hours from the Greenes in Fayetteville and 1 hour from the Kolomichuks in the Woodbridge/DC area. and that's just the tip of the iceburg. there are so many amazingly great things about this job position, there is just no explaining them all.
further, we had actually received a "no" from the Lord a few weeks previous about our plans to move to Dallas...but we were in such a dark place, and it was such a confusing answer, we just continued with our plans because we just didn't know what else to do. not that we were doing it rebelliously, but more that we just didn't have anything to work towards and so we were just working towards something until the Lord redirected us.
well, redirect us He did.
Ben's phone interview that Thursday went splendidly, and as far as we can tell, the art test they had him do went pretty well also. things seem to be lining up...but we're trying our hardest not to count our chickens before they hatch. if there's one thing all this has taught us (and there is way more than one thing that all this has taught us), it's that there is no comprehending the Lord's plans before He shares them with you. this job opportunity may just be another stepping stone to something else, and at the very least, we know that Ben's work is good enough to interest companies.
now we're just waiting, and praying, and trying to earn money for our up-coming move. one way or another, we still have to leave Atlanta...or at least midtown. we'll find out in a day or two if he got the job and our move is up to Annapolis...
here's to eagerly awaiting the Lord's plans.