fic: so i breed thicker skin
media: fic
title: so i breed thicker skin
rating: pg-13
word count: 700+
warnings: eating disorders
summary: He’s learning that recovery is about the good days outnumbering the bad ones. It’s not going to happen overnight, but it’s going to happen eventually.
author's notes: this story was originally posted on the k/bl community over the summer, so i apologize if you have seen it before. it has since turned into a series. over the course of the series, it had become clear to me that it's more of a blaine story than a klaine one, so i have decided to post it here over the next couple of days. if you would like to follow me on tumblr, you can find me here.
previous: a place where i can breathe | there's a tangled thread inside his head
Blaine finishes the rest of his junior year through correspondence. There are therapists and nutritionists and talking. So much talking. Too much talking. He fills the sessions with anecdotes from his day to day life back at Dalton. Nothing serious. He’s not ready to deal with anything serious quite yet.
Besides, he’s always been good at throwing people off of his trail.
He’s not scared of the weight. In fact, he finds a new thrill in the way he seems to have more energy with each passing week. The color is slowly returning to his cheeks. He starts to think that he has beat this. The monsters in his mind never stood a chance.
&
It feels like life back at Dalton is stuck on fast-forward. He hears bits and pieces of it from Kurt via texts and emails. Sometimes it’s easier to focus on the frivolous drama rather than the uphill climb that has become his reality.
He’s in the waiting room at his therapist’s office when the Regionals results start pouring in. Guilt gnaws at his chest. Would they have won if he had stayed?
In the end, he decides ‘what ifs’ aren’t worth his time.
&
Less than two months in, he relapses. It’s a harsh tumble back to the bottom. The cool porcelain soothes the flush of shame he feels spreading through his limbs.
Much to Blaine’s despise, recovery means dealing with the issues behind his problems with food. It’s not as simple as a number on a scale.
He’s learning that recovery is about the good days outnumbering the bad ones. It’s not going to happen overnight, but it’s going to happen eventually. There will be no crowning moment, only a point in time where he looks back only to find that things are better than they were before.
&
Kurt transfers back to McKinley towards the end of April. He worries day and night, but he has been assured that the halls of McKinley are as safe as they’re ever going to be. The thought is still less than comforting, but he’s not in a position to argue. Instead, he smiles at the grainy, cell phone quality video of ‘As If We Never Said Goodbye.’
Everyone has their own demons to face. McKinley is Kurt’s.
&
He can’t control his sexuality, nor can he control his parent’s feelings about it. Samantha and Johnathan Anderson are stuck in their ways, but not for the reasons one might think. They were raised in a different time. It’s taken him years to figure out that their concerns can be traced back to wanting an easier life for him. They were the ones waiting by his hospital bed after the Sadie Hawkins dance. They’ve seen how cruel ignorance can make the outside world. So when they tell Blaine to quiet down, it’s a matter of his safety.
He doesn’t agree, he’ll never agree, but knowing the truth behind their reasons is a step in the right direction.
&
When they meet at the Lima Bean after Nationals, Blaine can hardly take his eyes off of him. The months apart, despite the fact that they had been filled with correspondence, don’t match up to the real thing. Kurt is all sparkling eyes and hand gestures as he talks about his time in New York.
I love you.
The words are on the tip of his tongue, but he doesn’t know how welcome they would be. He loves the way Kurt calls him out when no one else will, he loves the way Kurt saw him when no one else did. He loves this boy and he can only hope that someday he will be ready for more than this beautiful friendship they stumbled into.
“Are you even listening to me, dummy?”
He smiles. “Sorry, got lost for a moment there.”
“I thought as much. Wake up, Blaine Warbler. We haven’t even gotten to Santana’s meltdown,” he says, his eyes still just as bright as before.
Blaine loves the way he treats him the same, even when everyone else is walking on eggshells.
&
He’s learning a new kind of control, one that involves taking care of his body and soul. Restricting isn’t going to change his world. He has to change it for himself.
It’s almost ironic. He’s been trying to gain control for years and this is the first time in his life that he feels like he’s starting to get a grip on things. It’s not easy, by any means. There are bad days and there are even worse days.
But when he has those good days?
It’s worth it.
title: so i breed thicker skin
rating: pg-13
word count: 700+
warnings: eating disorders
summary: He’s learning that recovery is about the good days outnumbering the bad ones. It’s not going to happen overnight, but it’s going to happen eventually.
author's notes: this story was originally posted on the k/bl community over the summer, so i apologize if you have seen it before. it has since turned into a series. over the course of the series, it had become clear to me that it's more of a blaine story than a klaine one, so i have decided to post it here over the next couple of days. if you would like to follow me on tumblr, you can find me here.
previous: a place where i can breathe | there's a tangled thread inside his head
Blaine finishes the rest of his junior year through correspondence. There are therapists and nutritionists and talking. So much talking. Too much talking. He fills the sessions with anecdotes from his day to day life back at Dalton. Nothing serious. He’s not ready to deal with anything serious quite yet.
Besides, he’s always been good at throwing people off of his trail.
He’s not scared of the weight. In fact, he finds a new thrill in the way he seems to have more energy with each passing week. The color is slowly returning to his cheeks. He starts to think that he has beat this. The monsters in his mind never stood a chance.
&
It feels like life back at Dalton is stuck on fast-forward. He hears bits and pieces of it from Kurt via texts and emails. Sometimes it’s easier to focus on the frivolous drama rather than the uphill climb that has become his reality.
He’s in the waiting room at his therapist’s office when the Regionals results start pouring in. Guilt gnaws at his chest. Would they have won if he had stayed?
In the end, he decides ‘what ifs’ aren’t worth his time.
&
Less than two months in, he relapses. It’s a harsh tumble back to the bottom. The cool porcelain soothes the flush of shame he feels spreading through his limbs.
Much to Blaine’s despise, recovery means dealing with the issues behind his problems with food. It’s not as simple as a number on a scale.
He’s learning that recovery is about the good days outnumbering the bad ones. It’s not going to happen overnight, but it’s going to happen eventually. There will be no crowning moment, only a point in time where he looks back only to find that things are better than they were before.
&
Kurt transfers back to McKinley towards the end of April. He worries day and night, but he has been assured that the halls of McKinley are as safe as they’re ever going to be. The thought is still less than comforting, but he’s not in a position to argue. Instead, he smiles at the grainy, cell phone quality video of ‘As If We Never Said Goodbye.’
Everyone has their own demons to face. McKinley is Kurt’s.
&
He can’t control his sexuality, nor can he control his parent’s feelings about it. Samantha and Johnathan Anderson are stuck in their ways, but not for the reasons one might think. They were raised in a different time. It’s taken him years to figure out that their concerns can be traced back to wanting an easier life for him. They were the ones waiting by his hospital bed after the Sadie Hawkins dance. They’ve seen how cruel ignorance can make the outside world. So when they tell Blaine to quiet down, it’s a matter of his safety.
He doesn’t agree, he’ll never agree, but knowing the truth behind their reasons is a step in the right direction.
&
When they meet at the Lima Bean after Nationals, Blaine can hardly take his eyes off of him. The months apart, despite the fact that they had been filled with correspondence, don’t match up to the real thing. Kurt is all sparkling eyes and hand gestures as he talks about his time in New York.
I love you.
The words are on the tip of his tongue, but he doesn’t know how welcome they would be. He loves the way Kurt calls him out when no one else will, he loves the way Kurt saw him when no one else did. He loves this boy and he can only hope that someday he will be ready for more than this beautiful friendship they stumbled into.
“Are you even listening to me, dummy?”
He smiles. “Sorry, got lost for a moment there.”
“I thought as much. Wake up, Blaine Warbler. We haven’t even gotten to Santana’s meltdown,” he says, his eyes still just as bright as before.
Blaine loves the way he treats him the same, even when everyone else is walking on eggshells.
&
He’s learning a new kind of control, one that involves taking care of his body and soul. Restricting isn’t going to change his world. He has to change it for himself.
It’s almost ironic. He’s been trying to gain control for years and this is the first time in his life that he feels like he’s starting to get a grip on things. It’s not easy, by any means. There are bad days and there are even worse days.
But when he has those good days?
It’s worth it.