you didn't love the boy too much, you just loved the boy too well
It's been two days and I'm already over this school year.
Recruitment was a nightmare. I couldn't be happier that it's over, because it's a fucking disaster and it turns everyone into raging psychopaths. I only have one class that I'm actually halfway interested in (Bus. Ad. 302 - Human Side of Organizations) and four others that I'm pretty sure I'm going to intensely despise. Boo for class.
I haven't spoken to Scott since Saturday when I came home from his new apartment in tears. That boy is so fucking bipolar he makes a serial killer look mentally stable. All summer he keeps telling me he misses me, wants to see me, blah blah... then blows me off for the first two days after he gets back, and when he finally does make time to see me, it's far from the "quality time" together that I was expecting [hoping for?]. Everything about that night was so disappointing that it still upsets me to think about 3 days later. I can't handle the mixed messages, and as much as I want him to tell me straight up what's going on, I'm terrified of what he'll say. I like to think that I can just walk away from it and go happily back to being single, but I'm not sure I can. I feel like we've taken a huge step back from where we were at the end of the year, and it's so frustrating to not know where we stand or where we're going from here. My head is buzzing with my thoughts/fears/conclusions/presumptions, and I'm unconsciously making excuses for him acting like this... but I have a feeling if and when we have this conversation, I'm not gonna like it.
On a much shallower note, I haven't had sex in 3+ months and I'm really damn horny. It's so much easier to sleep with someone you're familiar with, someone whose house you have a toothbrush at, and whose clothes are comfortable to sleep in. Also, he's really good in bed (that helps), and he already knows about the whole surgery thing and isn't weirded out by it. I can't really sleep with anybody without having a lot of explaining to do, which I would rather avoid... so really, it's just incredibly convenient to still shack up with Scott. Is that really really wrong?
::sigh:: I am in a bad, bad way.
"I know what I should do but I just can't walk away..." -- J.E.W.
Recruitment was a nightmare. I couldn't be happier that it's over, because it's a fucking disaster and it turns everyone into raging psychopaths. I only have one class that I'm actually halfway interested in (Bus. Ad. 302 - Human Side of Organizations) and four others that I'm pretty sure I'm going to intensely despise. Boo for class.
I haven't spoken to Scott since Saturday when I came home from his new apartment in tears. That boy is so fucking bipolar he makes a serial killer look mentally stable. All summer he keeps telling me he misses me, wants to see me, blah blah... then blows me off for the first two days after he gets back, and when he finally does make time to see me, it's far from the "quality time" together that I was expecting [hoping for?]. Everything about that night was so disappointing that it still upsets me to think about 3 days later. I can't handle the mixed messages, and as much as I want him to tell me straight up what's going on, I'm terrified of what he'll say. I like to think that I can just walk away from it and go happily back to being single, but I'm not sure I can. I feel like we've taken a huge step back from where we were at the end of the year, and it's so frustrating to not know where we stand or where we're going from here. My head is buzzing with my thoughts/fears/conclusions/presumptions, and I'm unconsciously making excuses for him acting like this... but I have a feeling if and when we have this conversation, I'm not gonna like it.
On a much shallower note, I haven't had sex in 3+ months and I'm really damn horny. It's so much easier to sleep with someone you're familiar with, someone whose house you have a toothbrush at, and whose clothes are comfortable to sleep in. Also, he's really good in bed (that helps), and he already knows about the whole surgery thing and isn't weirded out by it. I can't really sleep with anybody without having a lot of explaining to do, which I would rather avoid... so really, it's just incredibly convenient to still shack up with Scott. Is that really really wrong?
::sigh:: I am in a bad, bad way.
"I know what I should do but I just can't walk away..." -- J.E.W.