wedding
Yesterday afternoon, Jay and I were talking about our wedding. Though we are both well-aware of the fact that it is about 5 years down the road, there was a section in the Sunday paper dedicated to wedding planning, and it sparked our interest.
The newspaper had compiled a list of expenditures relative to a wedding, and we used it as a guide to create our own rough list to give us an idea of how much we should save... or try to save, anyway.
Here is the list:
Items Their cost Our cost
Stationary
(invitations/thank you notes) $374 $200
Bouquets/flowers $1,253 $800
Photography $775 $800
Favors $240 $250
Music $745 $500
Church fee $248 $150 (gift)
Limo Rental $427 $0
Attendants’ gifts $299 $200
Bridal attendants’ gifts $0 $200
Wedding bands $1,060 $1,000
Engagement ring $2,982 $3,000
Rehersal dinner $76 $500
Wedding gown/shoes $790 $500
Headpiece/veil $150 $100
Groom’s formalwear $100 $100
Reception $7,246 $3,000
Cake $0 $250
Their list also included items that we did not account into our own expenditures, such as bridal attendants’ apparel, attendants’ apparel, mother of the bride’s apparel. They also list the cost of the church/clergy as a fee, though we see it as a gift tp Pastor Sheldon. We decided that we would rather have our own car decked out with signs, paint and aluminum cans than rent a limo. And all of our price guesses are based on there being 4 bridal attendants, 4 attendants, 17 people at the rehearsal dinner (Jay, Mum, Dad, Tootsie, Bethany, Mom, Dad, Evan, Gram, 8 members of the bridal party) 100 people at the reception at $30/head. If any alcohol is present, it will be a cash bar.
As is tradition, we realize that certain items in the list are the bride’s responsibility, while other’s are the groom’s. We have broken down the list in this way
Bride
Stationary
Flowers
Favors
Music
Bridal attendants’ gifts
Groom’s band
Gown
Headpiece
Reception
Groom
Attendants’ gifts
Bride’s band
Engagement ring
Rehearsal dinner
Groom’s formalwear
Cake (in place of alcohol)
Shared
Photography
Gift to Pastor Sheldon
This puts my cost at $6,525
And Jay’s cost at $5,025
Putting our total cost at $11,550
Does anyone think this is unreasonable? I obviously understand that we will find deals along the way. I’ve gained some excellent ideas from Niki, and I will definitely be sure to look for as many bargains as possible, but I look at this list as a general idea for now. I’m sure that Jay and I can both find ways to drop our own prices, though I don’t see the wedding, with EVERYTHING that is involved, falling much below $8,000 total.
Now for the fun part of the story...
I shared all of this to my parents last night, and they lost their minds. My intention is to pay for the wedding with no help from them, so it is not as though I am showing them an amount of money that they need to obtain somehow within the next 5 years. I am seeking their approval on an amount of money that I intend to allot for my own wedding. Approval I did not receive.
They told me that they spent $1,500 on their ENTIRE wedding, INCLUDING my mom’s engagement ring. This made my brain want to collapse. There is absolutely NO way that I can make that make sense to me. There are 16 items on our list, which would mean that we would be allowed less than $100 per item. So wedding gown = $100, engagement ring = $100, reception = $100. That’s only $1.00 per person!!! And bear in mind that we consider the wedding bands as one category, so we would have to spend under $50 per wedding band. I would love to know what they cut corners on, because to me, these items are ALL essential. So unless we plan on making invitations out of construction paper, growing our own flowers, buying disposable cameras, bringing in a cd player, getting engaged with a CZ, making a Duncan Hines cake and charging admission at the door, there is NO WAY that we can keep it under $1,500. NO WAY!!!!
On top of ALL of this, my mom had the audacity to say, “Well if you plan on spending that kind of money, don’t expect to make it all back in gifts.”
Since when did weddings become a profitable event?! Obviously we hope to receive some nice gifts, but never did we hope to MAKE money off of the wedding.
I need to just stop talking to my parents about financial issues altogether and come to the realization that money is such a different thing to them. They purposely give up on enjoying life in an effort to make an extra dollar. I find more ways to enjoy life when I make the extra dollar. Money isn’t everything, and it’s a shame that they will never get that.
The newspaper had compiled a list of expenditures relative to a wedding, and we used it as a guide to create our own rough list to give us an idea of how much we should save... or try to save, anyway.
Here is the list:
Items Their cost Our cost
Stationary
(invitations/thank you notes) $374 $200
Bouquets/flowers $1,253 $800
Photography $775 $800
Favors $240 $250
Music $745 $500
Church fee $248 $150 (gift)
Limo Rental $427 $0
Attendants’ gifts $299 $200
Bridal attendants’ gifts $0 $200
Wedding bands $1,060 $1,000
Engagement ring $2,982 $3,000
Rehersal dinner $76 $500
Wedding gown/shoes $790 $500
Headpiece/veil $150 $100
Groom’s formalwear $100 $100
Reception $7,246 $3,000
Cake $0 $250
Their list also included items that we did not account into our own expenditures, such as bridal attendants’ apparel, attendants’ apparel, mother of the bride’s apparel. They also list the cost of the church/clergy as a fee, though we see it as a gift tp Pastor Sheldon. We decided that we would rather have our own car decked out with signs, paint and aluminum cans than rent a limo. And all of our price guesses are based on there being 4 bridal attendants, 4 attendants, 17 people at the rehearsal dinner (Jay, Mum, Dad, Tootsie, Bethany, Mom, Dad, Evan, Gram, 8 members of the bridal party) 100 people at the reception at $30/head. If any alcohol is present, it will be a cash bar.
As is tradition, we realize that certain items in the list are the bride’s responsibility, while other’s are the groom’s. We have broken down the list in this way
Bride
Stationary
Flowers
Favors
Music
Bridal attendants’ gifts
Groom’s band
Gown
Headpiece
Reception
Groom
Attendants’ gifts
Bride’s band
Engagement ring
Rehearsal dinner
Groom’s formalwear
Cake (in place of alcohol)
Shared
Photography
Gift to Pastor Sheldon
This puts my cost at $6,525
And Jay’s cost at $5,025
Putting our total cost at $11,550
Does anyone think this is unreasonable? I obviously understand that we will find deals along the way. I’ve gained some excellent ideas from Niki, and I will definitely be sure to look for as many bargains as possible, but I look at this list as a general idea for now. I’m sure that Jay and I can both find ways to drop our own prices, though I don’t see the wedding, with EVERYTHING that is involved, falling much below $8,000 total.
Now for the fun part of the story...
I shared all of this to my parents last night, and they lost their minds. My intention is to pay for the wedding with no help from them, so it is not as though I am showing them an amount of money that they need to obtain somehow within the next 5 years. I am seeking their approval on an amount of money that I intend to allot for my own wedding. Approval I did not receive.
They told me that they spent $1,500 on their ENTIRE wedding, INCLUDING my mom’s engagement ring. This made my brain want to collapse. There is absolutely NO way that I can make that make sense to me. There are 16 items on our list, which would mean that we would be allowed less than $100 per item. So wedding gown = $100, engagement ring = $100, reception = $100. That’s only $1.00 per person!!! And bear in mind that we consider the wedding bands as one category, so we would have to spend under $50 per wedding band. I would love to know what they cut corners on, because to me, these items are ALL essential. So unless we plan on making invitations out of construction paper, growing our own flowers, buying disposable cameras, bringing in a cd player, getting engaged with a CZ, making a Duncan Hines cake and charging admission at the door, there is NO WAY that we can keep it under $1,500. NO WAY!!!!
On top of ALL of this, my mom had the audacity to say, “Well if you plan on spending that kind of money, don’t expect to make it all back in gifts.”
Since when did weddings become a profitable event?! Obviously we hope to receive some nice gifts, but never did we hope to MAKE money off of the wedding.
I need to just stop talking to my parents about financial issues altogether and come to the realization that money is such a different thing to them. They purposely give up on enjoying life in an effort to make an extra dollar. I find more ways to enjoy life when I make the extra dollar. Money isn’t everything, and it’s a shame that they will never get that.