Bound (5)
Title: Bound
Summary: A well-kept secret, that’s what he was, a scandal the king was keen on keeping hidden. But Jaejoong had a secret of his own, Jung Yunho.
Pairing: YunJae
Genre: Fluff, Smut, Drama, Historical
Rating: NC17
Length: Chaptered
(1) (2) (3)
--
“Fuck,” Yunho muttered under his own breath as he glanced at the empty prison corridors for the nth time that day.
He found himself grazing his tongue against the back of his teeth in anxiousness. It was past noon and Jaejoong hadn’t showed up yet. He had not shown up in two days.
The prisoner tapped his finger uneasily on the bend of his knee; he had been sitting in the same position for the past hour. He had gotten tired pacing back and forth from wondering where his usual companion was.
He couldn’t stop himself from glancing once more at the blank passageway; he let out another curse before he ran his hands through his hair, “Shit.” He shouldn’t even be feeling this. He hated the way his mind rambled just because of Jaejoong.
He knew it. He should have never entertained the beautiful man from the start. He shouldn’t have even looked or talked to him, but Jaejoong was simply too hard to deny.
Yunho would not lie to himself, his visitor was gorgeous, and although he was a man, the kind of allure Jaejoong had in him was hard defy. But avoiding it was not futile. Yunho knew he could resist something as much as looks. He has had a very fair share of seeing stunning women before him. Even in the small pubs of Hanseong, whenever he’d spend the night out with his friends, he’d witness beauty from lady performers. Enticement and charm was not new to him. Jaejoong’s appearance, although incredibly enthralling, was not impossible to overcome.
It was the way Jaejoong acted towards Yunho that allowed him to be so unguarded. Jaejoong had always been persistent, and surprisingly caring and kind, even underneath the mischievousness he emanated. He was patient, warm, always so intent and gentle towards him. The moment Jaejoong laughed, Yunho doubted anyone could remain inattentive to him.
Jaejoong had apologized to Yunho for wanting to be with him for selfish reasons; Yunho could say the same for himself. Perhaps, he too had been selfish in his reasons for wanting the consort by his side.
Jaejoong reminded him of that innocence he missed from his childhood. Jaejoong displayed a sense of lightheartedness he couldn’t afford carrying, even in his earlier years. He found those traits in Jaejoong and he wanted to be around them, sometimes he found himself even jealous of them. And now, he was not used to it not being around him. Not having Jaejoong there, not seeing his smiles, not being able to spat at him for being too childish or incredibly flirty, it was as if he had also lost the air he breathed.
A part of him felt trapped in Jaejoong and although he was sure the reason for it was not because of his looks, he could barely close his eyes without imagining the consort’s face.
The prisoner’s mind lingered at the unrecognizable sense of restlessness building up in him. As if missing-although he would never admit it- Jaejoong was not enough, the other man had caused another turmoil in Yunho’s already muddled feelings. He could not wrap his head around the reasons of why Jaejoong did not visit.
How could the other suddenly not show up after visiting him everyday for weeks? He had even come when Yunho pushed him away, even when he was practically lifeless. What had driven Jaejoong away? At the back of his head, Yunho let out another curse. Had he scared Jaejoong off? Had he been too rash?
His mind drifted off to the last time he was with Jaejoong. A part of him regretted his reckless actions. He had not been thinking when he pulled Jaejoong roughly against him, he had not been thinking when he grazed his lips onto his skin, he had not been thinking when he had lost control over himself and hauled Jaejoong to crush his lips against his.
“I shouldn’t have kissed him,” he breathed out as he closed his eyes and buried his head in his palms.
A light tapping from the bars of his cell caused Yunho to jolt in surprise. He eagerly looked up, in hope that it was Jaejoong, but instead he saw his handmaiden nervously holding on to a letter and a small lunch box.
Before Yunho could speak up, she quickly slipped the parcel in, “Jaejoong-sshi wanted me to hand this to you.” She left swiftly, without a word.
Yunho grabbed the lunch box and opened it. There were a few strawberries in them, he did not know whether to feel annoyed or happy about it. He took the letter and read it; he could tell from the brush strokes that Jaejoong’s writing was in a hurry.
My Yunho,
I hope to see you soon but I am doing so many things right now.
I’m afraid I can’t even juggle all of them!
But I am looking forward to seeing you.
I am fine and beautiful as always.
When I visit you again, perhaps you can kiss me again?
You should kiss me again.
I hope you are not too lonely.
I am enjoying the company of different people since the king arrived.
Do not worry about me for I am well.
Instead of feeling relief by the fact that he had heard news from Jaejoong, he found himself feeling annoyed. The other was probably enjoying his life, only sparing a minute or two to write this rushed letter. He was just a past time, wasn’t he?
--
The room was lit with candles, their flames burning only weakly to keep the dark but sensual feel of the room. The place was quiet and only the hum of the cicadas from the window could be heard. Inside the dimly lit chamber, a figure stood in front of the mirror. He was examining himself. His face was lit up flawlessly by the hazy light, it made his skin almost unmistakably look like porcelain. His deep, dark eyes reflected the tints of brightness from the candles.
He was perfect. Jaejoong knew he was perfect, but he couldn’t find himself to bring out the confidence he had held before whenever he was in the king’s chamber. The night was still young but the other consorts have already left Changsuk’s quarters. It was only the male consort who was left behind. It was usual for the king to want Jaejoong, and Jaejoong alone.
The night was cold but the consort could barely feel it. Even though he was only wearing the inner layers of his hanbok, he could feel himself sweating in nervousness. He had been feeling this uneasiness for days and on top of that, all he could think about was the kiss Yunho left him and how he just wanted to rush back to him.
He couldn’t understand the rhythm of his heart whenever he thought of that unthinking moment between the two of them. He wondered if Yunho had received his message. He hoped his cheerfulness from the letter would stop him from worrying, if ever the prisoner even did worry.
Jaejoong’s body tensed when he felt hands sneaking from behind his back. He almost gasped as he felt Changsuk tug the spot under his ear with his teeth. “What deep thoughts my Youngwoung has,” the king said in between the nipping of his skin.
“Tell me, what is it you are thinking of? It seems like you have been in deep thought ever since I came back,” he turned Jaejoong around and the consort only shook his head. When the king didn’t receive the response he wanted, he assaulted his lips roughly.
Changsuk stared at his bruised lips, “Tell me Youngwoung. Tell me”
Jaejoong shivered; it has been so long since he felt this kind of fear from Changsuk. Perhaps, only now because now, he actually had something he was afraid of losing. “I just…I…” Changsuk held his chin up and forced him to look into his eyes. “I only missed you, my king”
Forcing himself to do what he was supposed to do, Jaejoong’s eyes darkened as he wore the familiar, suggestive smile that he knew would drive the king crazy. Changsuk smirked and went for his lips ones more, his hands roaming his clothed back. “I missed you too.”
The consort slightly groaned as he was pushed onto the bed. Jaejoong could only close his eyes as he felt his body being battered with kisses. He could feel the king’s body rub against his and at that time he couldn’t even describe how much he just wanted to push Changsuk away.
He should be used to the feel of the king on his skin, but at that moment Jaejoong almost found himself in tears. It was as if he was back to his old self, to the boy still unaccepting of his fate as a consort.
If it were weeks ago, he probably wouldn't care. He'd just get things over with and have the king do away with whatever he wanted. It was his job and it meant nothing to him, but now, Yunho was there and suddenly, he found that he started to value himself; all because Yunho made him feel like he was more than just doll. Because Yunho had been able to make him do things he never thought he could do.
”Jaejoong,” the king looked at him, demanding him to return his kisses. The consort only complied. As he sensed the king’s lips on his own, he could not help but compare them to the way Yunho’s had felt. He had been feeling the same way since the last time he had seen the prisoner. He felt shameful of having to have Yunho share his skin with someone else.
It was not as if Yunho had taken Jaejoong as his, but a part of the consort knew that even if Yunho didn’t want it, a part of him was his already.
--
Jaejoong watched Changsuk in his sleep. He only sat down beside the king, not wanting to feel his body pressed against him. Since the king came back, being with him became more and more unbearable. The consort had despised Changsuk from the start, but he had learned to live as who he was prearranged to be. Now, even the role he had long accepted was becoming detestable to him.
He walked to the mirror and looked at his face once again. He did not want this. He did not want this anymore. He did not want to use himself as a tool anymore.
His games, the constant luring and exchanges he had done to get all his wishes, he wanted to stop. The only thing he had been capable of doing on his own was slowly becoming something impossible for him to do.
He was worried and confused. Using his beauty into wielding someone to do what he wanted was one of the few things he held in his power. It was the only thing he held over Changsuk. What would he be when doing it becomes intolerable to him? What would be left, if the only power he had over others, is something can no longer do? He pitied himself, wouldn’t that make him more helpless?
If he stopped, he would only have Yunho, wouldn’t he? He would only have a man he’d want to be with but he wasn’t even sure if he was allowed to have that.
He wanted to hate Yunho, to blame him of crippling him from doing the only thing he could ever do for himself. Yet it felt like Yunho had freed him. He gave him something that was real. Something deeper than the false superiority he felt over those he tricked with his attraction.
Jaejoong found himself roughly trying to erase the marks Changsuk left on his skin, scratching his neck, rubbing the cloth of his hanbok profusely to his skin. He wanted to erase them. He wanted to forget. He wanted to stop being haunted by his thoughts and doubt.
He wanted to see Yunho.
--
“Yunho…” the prisoner heard a faint voice. He woke up, instantly sitting down. He saw Jaejoong’s figure standing by the entrance of his cell. The other had snuck into his quarters without him even noticing.
Yunho was ready to break sharp words at him. He couldn’t hide his annoyance, not after Jaejoong had abandoned him for days. He did not know why he even felt the way he did. He knew he shouldn’t even care anymore, but he did, and it was eating him up. It left him confused…frustrated.
Before he could say anything, Jaejoong spoke. “Yunho, I just wanted to see you” It was true. Seeing Yunho would be the only thing that kept his shady thoughts away, that kept him from feeling disgusted over himself.
“Get out of here. I don’t have time to play your games,” Yunho muttered as he turned his head away from Jaejoong. The consort was surprised by his reply but he only moved towards the prisoner. “Yunho why are you like this?”
Silence filled the air.
“Yunho…can I stay even-“
“Why don’t you just leave?”
“Yunho why are you so mad? I don’t understand.”
Of course he wouldn’t understand, Yunho thought. Hadn’t Jaejoong just been enjoying his time outside? Hadn’t he just grown tired of him? He only came back because he was bored, right? Everyone else was already asleep, so he probably thought it would be okay to pester a criminal behind bars, it would not matter to him anyway. “Palace brats like you should just enjoy this perfect world you’ve created inside the palace walls. Leave alone people like me who have bigger problems to bear.”
“But Yunho I want to be here…with you.” Jaejoong could not understand the frustration Yunho had. He held on to his patience, but he knew it was slipping.
“Right. You barge into anything you fancy, you go to wherever you want to and just toy around and play with anything that catches you attention.” Yunho clenched his fist, he wouldn’t have imagined himself to be so sensitive when it came to Jaejoong, but the words from the frustration he had felt from days just kept spewing out.
Jaejoong felt his breath heave. How dare Yunho make a remark towards him about toys and being played with? He, as a consort, of all people, knew how horrible it is.
“I have better things to do than to play your games.”
Jaejoong could feel his own anger rising. It was probably the first time he had ever lost his patience with Yunho. He had been feeling miserable for the past few days and having someone look down on him like that was worse than having Changsuk bruise his body.
“Do you think I’m that careless? That innocent? Do you think that I’m that kind of person?” Jaejoong retorted with a louder voice. He closed his mouth before he spoke again, “Do you think I treat this place like it’s my play ground? Sure you’ve probably been through shit from wherever you come from outside these walls but don’t assume that my life in here is a breeze! I hav--” Jaejoong was shaking and soon enough, he found tears flowing out of his eyes. He could no longer speak without his voice cracking.
At that moment, Yunho felt his anger subside. He was confused, but all he wanted to do was to stop Jaejoong's tears from falling. A pang of guilt ran through him. He realized he had been too quick to judge Jaejoong’s actions. Seeing the consort in such a vulnerable state surprised him. The lighthearted Jaejoong was gone. He could barely trace the playful visitor he had known, lost beneath those tears.
He had forgotten how much of Jaejoong he had not known yet.
Jaejoong turned his face to wipe his tears; it left his neck exposed, revealing red marks across his skin. It was dark, but they were visible through the light from the torches and the full moon. The instant Yunho saw them, he understood.
Yunho found his heart beating uncontrollably. It all made sense, the reason why Jaejoong did not know how to do tasks a normal man would do, like mending wounds or wielding a simple knife, the reason why he had always worn extravagant hanboks, the reason why his hands had been so soft and why his skin had been so fair, the reason why he had a handmaiden, the why he was so flirty and keen on his looks, the reason why he’d always move with a sense of refinement and poise, the reason why for the past few days he couldn’t visit him. He was…
“You’re a consort?” Yunho said in a voice so faint. The other wouldn’t have heard it if the night wasn’t so still.
Jaejoong lowered his face. He let out a small laugh underneath his unstable breaths. “Isn't it such a scandal? Bet it would be a great laugh for you to know that the king is actually gay...or bisexual...whatever,” He joked with a sad smile. “I would understand if you wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me...”
It wasn’t what he was expecting but Yunho pulled him flush and planted a desperate kiss on his lips. Yunho's cold and chappy lips moved against his mouth. He did not stop nor pull away just like the first time. He held the consort secure and kissed him as if trying to replace the memories of all his other kisses. Jaejoong felt so cared for and he melted under Yunho's arms, his lips moved with him, urging Yunho to rid him of the feel of Changsuk's lips.
His heart clenched. It was that feeling again. The feeling of affection he had only received from Yunho.
Their kiss was so different from anything else he’s had before; it was better. Yunho pulled away and they looked at each other for lingering seconds. He could see the worry in Yunho’s eyes. And love? Did he see love?
He was unsure, but when Yunho bent down take his lips once more he knew it was Yunho’s warmth he wanted most in the world at that moment. He pulled him down and pushed his body flush against his, in an attempt that maybe, if they were close enough, he would become his.
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A/N: I just felt so bleh when I wrote this. Pacing is guhhhh and my words weren't coming out right, but I'm actually glad I am done with this chapter. I thought it was one of the most challenging to write. Hopefully my struggle to write this won't be too apparent.