daddy 1 year later.
I spoke to daddy today. Our conversations are usually very simple, about work and TV shows we're watching. I'll ask him about his friends and he always wants to know that David and I are happy together. Today the conversation somehow turned to his single status and what he thinks about that and the potential for that changing. An awkward topic in any situation, but it seemed to be so nonchalant between us. I think he speaks to me less like a daughter than he ever has. I have this feeling that in his mind we're on more equal ground these days. I don't know what affected this change. It could be simply because I got married, but it could also be because he sees me so infrequently now. Whatever it is, I appreciate it........I only wish that I'd had a chance to reach this change with my mum.
Back to his relationship status. I think, and so does he, that it seems very unlikely that he'll ever be able to connect with another person on an intimate level. So it's very unlikely that I'll ever be getting a step mother or someone in that position. I have somewhat mixed opinions about this. First I want to see him happy and whatever makes him so will satisfy me. I would be quite open to the potential of him forming a new relationship. Conversely it means that I'll never have to think of another woman in the same context as my mum. If it stays this way, I think over time my memories or her will become more beautiful and ideal, and with nothing to interfere with that I may put her on a pedestal as I get older.
I remember the bad things about mum, her flaws and mistakes, but the whole thing is clouded by the illness. I'm left wondering how many of those mistakes was she actually accountable for and how many can be attributed directly to the gradual onset of dementia. There's no way of knowing how long she was affected by the degradation in her brain. It could have been affecting her personality as far back as 10 years. That puts me at early teenage years. Still a child, with a child's perspective. So how much of the real person did I actually know.
Anyways, it sounds like he's keeping a good perspective on the whole situation. It's been a year since mum died and I think he's made a lot of progress in that time. If he believes that he can maintain his own happiness and be content with his life without a partner then I'm very happy for him and myself (and I don't care how selfish that is) It would be hard to pair my father with a stranger. In my mind mum and dad are so connected that I can't think of one without thinking of the other.
As long as he doesn't turn into a crazy old man who's such a curmudgeon that no one wants to be around him. But he has a good attitude about it, so I'm not worried.
Back to his relationship status. I think, and so does he, that it seems very unlikely that he'll ever be able to connect with another person on an intimate level. So it's very unlikely that I'll ever be getting a step mother or someone in that position. I have somewhat mixed opinions about this. First I want to see him happy and whatever makes him so will satisfy me. I would be quite open to the potential of him forming a new relationship. Conversely it means that I'll never have to think of another woman in the same context as my mum. If it stays this way, I think over time my memories or her will become more beautiful and ideal, and with nothing to interfere with that I may put her on a pedestal as I get older.
I remember the bad things about mum, her flaws and mistakes, but the whole thing is clouded by the illness. I'm left wondering how many of those mistakes was she actually accountable for and how many can be attributed directly to the gradual onset of dementia. There's no way of knowing how long she was affected by the degradation in her brain. It could have been affecting her personality as far back as 10 years. That puts me at early teenage years. Still a child, with a child's perspective. So how much of the real person did I actually know.
Anyways, it sounds like he's keeping a good perspective on the whole situation. It's been a year since mum died and I think he's made a lot of progress in that time. If he believes that he can maintain his own happiness and be content with his life without a partner then I'm very happy for him and myself (and I don't care how selfish that is) It would be hard to pair my father with a stranger. In my mind mum and dad are so connected that I can't think of one without thinking of the other.
As long as he doesn't turn into a crazy old man who's such a curmudgeon that no one wants to be around him. But he has a good attitude about it, so I'm not worried.