A year ago.
So i didn't really want to write this first, but than i just though "Hey, why not?", its okay right? Well, i just thought i would say that today is offically one year since i met Ste. Well its not techniqally "today" now, seeing as its Monday the 18th June now, at like 12:34, which i'm not happy about, 'cause i really need to start sleeping a lot earlier, I really need to sleep more. But i guess its thinking of things like this that keeps me awake.
The next thing i really want to say is, "I'm done with dwelling in the past, i'm moving on, i'm ready and capable to stop regretting"...
But lets face it, even after a year, that just isn't going to happen.
Friday was pretty cool. I got up earlier, usual school time, but didn't have to go in, so i just sat downstairs drinking a coffee, when all of a sudden i get Kieran, Jo and Robin knocking on my dorr haha. So i told them to just come in, while i hid upset and got dressed. Than Emma came round. We all layed on my bed trying to decide when to go and meet Laura, but no one wanted to move, so we told her to come here. She did. And than Cat did. And we sat there, in one of those moments we won't forget, spread across my stairs, Kieran playing my guitar in the background, like in an old movie, Jo constantly making more and more coffees so we didn't run out, everyone laughing. It was almost in slow motion. The only thing that could have made that moment better was if someone else, someone i care about a lot had been there. But our emotions were telling us that we felt truely increadible anyway. Not invinisble, but not caring whether we were breakable or not, so much to the extreme of thinking we were invinsible. It was just that moment, like with my friends, being happy just to be happy. That is just so important to me, i haven't felt that way in a while.
I got a job yesterday, this new cafe opening in town. The manager that interviewed me said she wanted it to be the "Begest coffee shop in Mansfield!" Obviously by how well known it would be "Bug", because seeing it in town town, well its not particualary small, but its cosy hehe. So it should be a lot of fun working there. I'm not allowed to wear eyeliner or anything, and i have to have my hair back. I'm going to look a mess. But i need the money. So meh.
I want to just like freeze time right now. I don't know. There are so manyb things i want to say, so many things i want to do, so many things i just want. But there out of reach. I want good grades, but i won't get them - so i'll retake the exams. I want to sleep, but i won't be able to - So i'll lay awake and think of methods to sleep for the next night. I want him but i want his happiness more - So i'll not even try for him, because i'm not worth a second glanse to him.
I think with a year having passed, I should probably realise now that no matter what this is life. I treasure each happy moment so much more now, in case it fades, I learnt that atleast. Maybe this happened so i would appreiciate happiness more. I didn't even know what happiness really was a year and a dayishh ago.
So anyway, long entry again, sorry.
Hugs&Kisses
~ Bexie