this book's cover...
When I was 14 I resigned myself to the fact that I would never be beautiful.
When I was 17 I decided that I really wasn't as ugly as I might have thought, and on the average I supposed I rated somewhere in the realm of normal looking.
When I was 18 Ebony, Lyssa and Julie on Katimavik showed me that bigger women aren't any less beautiful, nor need they be any less confident in their beauty, than smaller women.
When I was 19 Jenny and Eleah reinforced this, and the encouragement and assurances of my friends, Eleah, Jon and Tamara especially, led me to see that I, too, might possibly be beautiful.
Shortly before my 20th birthday Phil taught me that I could be downright sexy, attractive and irresistable.
OK God.... I get that beauty isn't all that important... I can accept myself honestly with my limitations and my attributes... I understand both. I'm far from vain, and while I'm more willing now to see my own beauty, my self-esteem in that regard is still VERY fragile.
Why is it that when I really want to look good, like before family reunions and weddings and *ahem* visits to my boyfriend and meeting his family and friends *ahem* my face decides to breakout? I RARELY get acne on my face, like, hardly ever, maybe the occasional pimple, but so rare... not since the early stages of puberty anyway... until something important happens.
Is it too much to ask that I look no worse than normal? I'm self-conscious about my looks as it is... I'm awkward and tall and chunky and my shoulders have acne and I have a farmers tan that won't go away, and I could go on and on... why do I have to look like some pimply teenager too? aren't I bad enough already?
GAH!
When I was 17 I decided that I really wasn't as ugly as I might have thought, and on the average I supposed I rated somewhere in the realm of normal looking.
When I was 18 Ebony, Lyssa and Julie on Katimavik showed me that bigger women aren't any less beautiful, nor need they be any less confident in their beauty, than smaller women.
When I was 19 Jenny and Eleah reinforced this, and the encouragement and assurances of my friends, Eleah, Jon and Tamara especially, led me to see that I, too, might possibly be beautiful.
Shortly before my 20th birthday Phil taught me that I could be downright sexy, attractive and irresistable.
OK God.... I get that beauty isn't all that important... I can accept myself honestly with my limitations and my attributes... I understand both. I'm far from vain, and while I'm more willing now to see my own beauty, my self-esteem in that regard is still VERY fragile.
Why is it that when I really want to look good, like before family reunions and weddings and *ahem* visits to my boyfriend and meeting his family and friends *ahem* my face decides to breakout? I RARELY get acne on my face, like, hardly ever, maybe the occasional pimple, but so rare... not since the early stages of puberty anyway... until something important happens.
Is it too much to ask that I look no worse than normal? I'm self-conscious about my looks as it is... I'm awkward and tall and chunky and my shoulders have acne and I have a farmers tan that won't go away, and I could go on and on... why do I have to look like some pimply teenager too? aren't I bad enough already?
GAH!