(no subject)
i absolutely CAN NOT trust myself
mostly cuz im selfish
more because i am the most fickle, no, frightened person i know
and i wish i could stop it or start over
i think if i could be alone for long enough i could hear something
maybe from myself
or someone i dont know very well, someone i cant predict
my life is not difficult. the ones i love are still near and dear and happy(?) well, at least healthy. not everyone is so lucky to be healthy. i hope they get that way soon so everyone can be happy again.
i see them struggling everyday, these people i love, with things i dont know or understand. i cant speak and i cant help and i cant move. i cant believe i ever thought i could help people with their problems.
i think i am failing in my personal life, whatever a personal life is. i know it will be better, its just that being under the pressure of constant entertainer has left me feeling a bit inadequate. i dont have that giant group of friends that goes out drinking together at the drop of a hat. at least not anymore. and I dont care, but i cant help but feel like a disappointment, like my lack of excitement, my lack of friends, my lack of ideas these days has been a let down.
i could be happy alone.
mostly cuz im selfish
more because i am the most fickle, no, frightened person i know
and i wish i could stop it or start over
i think if i could be alone for long enough i could hear something
maybe from myself
or someone i dont know very well, someone i cant predict
my life is not difficult. the ones i love are still near and dear and happy(?) well, at least healthy. not everyone is so lucky to be healthy. i hope they get that way soon so everyone can be happy again.
i see them struggling everyday, these people i love, with things i dont know or understand. i cant speak and i cant help and i cant move. i cant believe i ever thought i could help people with their problems.
i think i am failing in my personal life, whatever a personal life is. i know it will be better, its just that being under the pressure of constant entertainer has left me feeling a bit inadequate. i dont have that giant group of friends that goes out drinking together at the drop of a hat. at least not anymore. and I dont care, but i cant help but feel like a disappointment, like my lack of excitement, my lack of friends, my lack of ideas these days has been a let down.
i could be happy alone.