Transcontinental Apology Gone Wrong
Title: Transcontinental Apology Gone Wrong
Pairing/Character: Blair, Chuck
Rating: PG/PG13
AN: A possible (and plausible) summer encounter in Paris. Takes place after 1x18 "Much I Do About Nothing"
“Transcontinental Apology Gone Wrong”
Ever since she decided to get involved with Chuck she'd been making plenty of mistakes. She thought now that she was done with him, she'd stop making them, but then there was a knock on the door and she had to go and open it.
Opening the door had been her biggest mistake since finally leaving Tuscany, since finally giving in and letting herself believe she could have a future with him. She’d left extensive instructions with the help that he wasn’t to be let in and she had to go and screw it all up herself. She should have walked away and left him standing on the doorstep when she saw him through the window, but she couldn't, so instead she took a deep breath and swung the door open quickly.
She stood there for a long moment not saying a word, just staring at him, her expression filled with despise. She couldn't decide if she was pleased he'd finally come to grovel or angry that he thought she'd ever forgive him. She was unsure of what to do as he looked at her expectantly, and then he spoke. Suddenly she wasn't so unsure anymore, suddenly she knew exactly what she wanted him to do; leave.
She shoved him hard off the doorstep and moved out after him. He took a few steps backwards, but she remained still in front of the door. She’d contemplated many scenarios in which she was forced to deal with him, and him randomly showing up in France hadn’t been one of them. She hadn’t believed he had the nerve. She should have known better.
She’d imagined all the things he would say, everything he’d try to win her back. She thought of every possible line he could use on her, memorized all her responses, but she wasn't prepared for the line she got. It had never even crossed her mind. She was dumbfounded and silent, two things she swore once she’d gotten her status back in New York that she would never be again.
“Excuse me?” she snapped harshly once she’d finally gotten her voice back. “What did you just say to me?” She hoped she’d heard him wrong. She didn’t want to believe that he’d actually say something like that to her after all the pain he’d caused her. Plus, she’d just paid a fortune for her manicure, and while the price didn’t matter to her in the slightest, she really didn’t want to ruin it slapping the hell out of Chuck.
He hadn’t intended to be so glib when she opened the door. He’d intended to go there with his bleeding heart in hand, beg for her forgiveness and plead his case. He'd spent most of the plane ride over planning out what he was going to say, but he hadn't anticipated losing it all the second he saw her.
Even furious, more so because she was furious, he thought she was beautiful. The fire in her eyes, the confident way she held herself, the curve of her jaw when her teeth clenched in anger, all made him stupid. Mind numbingly stupid. Which is the only excuse he could come up with for what he’d said.
If Nate had been standing there he'd have smacked Chuck on the back of the head, and Chuck wouldn't have blamed him. He sighed, angry at himself for being so stupid. He'd said the wrong thing, and known it the second it'd come out of his mouth and now he had to repeat it. If it had been anyone but Blair he could have ignored what he’d actually said and said something entirely different, but not Blair. She'd have seen right through it. She knew exactly what he'd said and he knew Blair expected him to repeat it verbatim. At this point lying would have been just stupid. “I said, ‘are you going to kiss me or should I just call a cab?’” he repeated slowly.
Blair nodded slightly and gaped at him in disbelief. “That’s what I thought you said,” she replied in a nearly inaudible but still intensely threatening tone they both knew only she was capable of. It was a tone that always seemed as if it was used solely for 'Chuck Bass' purposes. She fought the urge to turn around, reenter the chateau and slam the door in his face. She knew that if she did, she’d be a coward. He’d called her that too many times over the course of the last year, there was no way she was going to let him prove himself right. “Who do you think you are?” she snarled bitterly.
“I’m Chuck Bass,” he replied easily, smirking the entire time. What kind of question was that? he thought to himself. She knows perfectly well who I am, what I am.
Blair rolled her eyes in aggravation. She’d always known Chuck to be a cocky bastard, but up until this very moment she’d never really entertained the idea that he was also incredibly stupid. “You stood me up, you jerk!” she snapped emphatically, “You have absolutely no right to come here and insinuate that I should just forgive you.”
She was right. He knew that. He’d never actually expected her to. He just knew that he had to see her, no matter what the outcome was. He sighed tiredly and dropped his eyes to the ground, staring at the cobblestone for a long moment, contemplating what he should say. He knew what he wanted to say, but he knew himself well enough at this point to know that what he wanted to say was rarely ever the right thing to say.
“No response?” When he still didn’t say anything she rolled her eyes and turned around to go back inside.
“I’m here now aren’t I?” he asked gently, effectively halting her movements. His stomach flipped ferociously while waiting for her turn back around.
She shook her head angrily at him, pushing back the tears that were threatening to expose her as the heartbroken girl she really was. “Not good enough,” she glared icily. She didn’t want him to think that all it took was a trip to Paris and a few looks into his smoldering eyes to heal all the damage he’d inflicted. She turned back towards the door, her hand on the knob. She had to force herself to turn it, but he needn’t know that.
“Blair...” he said pleadingly. There was no doubt in his mind this would be the last time he saw her before she was back stateside, and he wasn’t about to let her leave just yet. At least not without hearing what he had to say.
Blair took in a shaky breath and turned back around. She sighed inwardly while outwardly seething before taking a few tentative steps towards him. She'd already heard enough to know this wasn't going to end well. “You should leave,” she ordered. “Security’s been given explicit instructions to remove you, by force if necessary, should you show up.”
Chuck glared at her angrily, incapable of coming up with a single line of thought that he could actually express verbally without being hit.
Blair smiled widely as she saw the anger pass over him. It felt good knowing that she had the power to hurt him. Especially considering how much he’d been hurting her since Thanksgiving. “Also, I’ve wrote Dorota and you should be receiving a package any day now of all your belongings. I have no use for the trinkets you’ve given me, nor any of the memories.” she said coldly.
He wanted to scream at her, in fact, it was taking everything he had in him not to. He knew what “trinkets” she was referring to, one of them including a very expensive necklace he’d bestowed upon her the night of her seventeenth birthday, a night her precious Nate had completely ignored. “What do you want from me, Blair?” he shouted angrily. She was intentionally hurting him, and he knew he deserved it, but that didn’t mean he was going to just roll over like a kicked puppy. He wasn’t Nate. He was sure that was the biggest problem to begin with.
Blair looked at him shocked. He wasn’t supposed to be the one shouting at her, he was the one who was here begging for forgiveness. She had done nothing wrong this time. She walked all the way over to him, stood within an inch of his face so that this time there was no mistaking her and finally spoke. “What I want is for you to get off my doorstep,” she replied calmly, while jabbing her finger into his chest painfully, “call your precious cab,” jab, “head back to the airport,” jab, “get on the first flight you can find out of Paris and back to New York,” jab, “and know the entire time that you did this to yourself, that you did this to us.”
Chuck saw her move to poke him once more and reached out for her. He latched onto her hand, making her jabbing finger ineffectual. He took is as a good sign that she didn’t lurch away from him immediately.
Blair sucked in a breath the instant she felt Chuck’s hand wrap around hers. She wanted to jerk away but found she was paralyzed. Moving seemed to be out of the question and she was starting to have a difficult time denying the shivers that ran down her spine at his touch.
She wanted nothing more for him to ignore her words, for him to do the exact opposite of everything she’d said. She wanted him to stay and fight for them, even if he was only fighting her. She looked up at him and locked her eyes onto his, trying to convey all of her confusing thoughts to him through a single look. Still, at the same time she was terrified that he would see right through her.
Chuck shivered at the intensity of her gaze. He could feel her wavering. He knew she didn’t mean anything she’d said, she was constantly testing him and this was no different. So he did exactly what he thought she would want; he made a move. He clutched tighter to the hand he was already holding and pulled her even closer to him before raising the other one to her neck. He ran his thumb across her cheek while caressing her neck lightly. He saw a flicker of pleasure in her eyes and smiled lovingly. He leaned in, mere centimeters between their lips. He was going to kiss her, he just hoped she'd let him.
Blair broke the spell he’d had her under by suddenly jerking her face from his hand. She stood still for a moment gathering her breath, trying to stop her pulse from racing. He'd been about to kiss her, and no matter how angry she was with him, she knew she'd have caved if she'd let him. Realizing he was still holding onto her hand, she snatched it away before shoving him as hard as she could. She watched him stumble slightly across the cobblestone driveway before regaining his balance and looking at her in confusion.
“Blair, what the hell...” he asked confused. She'd wanted him to kiss her, he could tell.
She shook her head furiously, the tears she’d been fighting back so intensely finally surfaced to slide down her cheek. “You did this to us, Chuck, not me,” she repeated.
“You think I don't know that?” he snapped bitterly. He knew exactly what he was doing when he failed to show up at the heliport. There wasn't a single part of him that didn't regret staying in his suite with the interior designer whose name he couldn't even remember now.
Blair ignored him. “You were the one who declared his love for me in the middle of your father’s wedding reception. You were the one who asked me to go to Tuscany for the summer. You were the one who didn’t show up for the helicopter.” Her words were coming quickly now, nearly bleeding together as tears stung her eyes violently and sobs threatened to silence her altogether.
Chuck looked back down at the ground shamefully. He loathed making her cry. It made him feel like shit, and she knew it. He wanted to say something, anything to make her stop but for the millionth time since he’d fallen in love with Blair Waldorf he found himself speechless. “Blair, look at me,” he said softly once he regained use of his voice. “I'm sorry I hurt you. I never meant...” he trailed off, not knowing what to say any longer.
Despite her better judgment she looked up at him. He'd known what he was doing when asking her to do so because one look at him and she knew how he felt. She’d always been able to read him better than anyone. He maintained eye contact with her for a brief moment before looking away, uncomfortable under her scrutiny.
Still, she couldn’t forgive and forget, not this time, not ever again. The damage had been done, and it was far too extensive for him to fix. Their romantic relationship was DOA before he had even gotten to France; and if he didn’t leave now their friendship, the one she hoped they’d eventually be able to get back, would be joining their relationship in the same shallow grave.
“You should go,” she repeated shakily before turning back and heading to the door. She wasted no time opening it and stepping inside, but was ultimately unable to close the door behind her. Instead she just stood there in silence, her back to his front. She knew there was more to be said, but was unsure of how to say it.
Chuck finally looked up from the ground and saw her standing in the foyer. She was perfectly still and that terrified Chuck. It meant she wasn’t done speaking and she didn’t want him to see her when she finally spoke again. He knew it meant he wasn't going to like what she had to say and she didn't want to witness his reaction. Finally, she spoke.
“I may have kissed you first. I may have started this whole mess. But you were the one who wanted more from me. You were the one who instigated our entire relationship. You weren’t supposed to break my heart.” she said sadly.
Chuck forced down an uncharacteristic desire to sob as he watched her hand reach up to wipe tears from her eyes. I shouldn't have come he thought to himself sadly. Serena had tried to warn him, she'd wanted him to wait. She kept reminding him that Blair would be in the Hamptons in about a month, but Chuck wouldn’t listen; he couldn’t listen. He truly felt that if he waited, Blair would never forgive him.
The only problem was he’d already waited too long, and it was more than obvious at this point that Blair wasn’t going to forgive him. He wasn’t even sure he blamed her. Still, he had to try, he had to tell her what he'd come to say. “I got scared,” he admitted sheepishly, uncomfortable with his vulnerability being so visible.
He wished she could understand what he'd been going through, and how badly what his father had said terrified him. As she turned around to face him once more but the glare he received from her was enough to let him know that even if she did understand, it hadn’t been the right thing to say.
She turned to look at him, gaping in shock. “You got scared!?” she yelled before stepping out the door once more. “You got scared!?” she repeated angrily.
The look on her face indicated that she thought he was incapable of such an emotion. Finally, he'd had enough, he was tired of letting her have complete control over this “reunion”. He glared right back at her and took a few steps towards her, the space between them becoming smaller and smaller. “Yes!” he snapped, “I got scared!”
“What could you possibly have been so scared of?” she asked incredulously.
Chuck's jaw dropped in shock. “You're kidding.”
Blair shook her head. “No, I'm really not.” she deadpanned.
Chuck shook his head. “I never thought you were dense.”
Blair squinted in disbelief. “You don't actually think that insulting me is going to help you win me back.”
“I've been terrified from the moment you kissed me, Blair. I wanted you too much, and I knew that as soon as Nate wanted you back, I'd lose you. And you proved that to me over and over again.”
“I have no interest in getting back together with Nate, and you knew that,” she said defensively although it was obvious he wasn't really listening to her.
“I told you at the wedding I wanted to take things slow. I didn’t want to rush things between us again, and the next thing I know we’re planning a summer abroad...”
“That wasn’t my idea!” she interrupted. “You asked me to come with you!”
Chuck shook his head slightly. “I know that I asked you!” he yelled, still taking steps towards her “I know this is all my fault.”
“Then why are you yelling at me?” she demanded.
Chuck’s feet continued moving towards her until he was standing directly in front of her once again. He knew he was risking bodily harm standing so close to her again, but he didn't care. If he got Blair back it would be worth it. “I’m yelling because I want another chance,” he said point blank.
Blair shook her head adamantly. “Since when does yelling earn you a second chance and what in the hell makes you think you deserve another chance to begin with?”
“Because I love you.” he said softly.
A gasp slipped past her lips before she could even entertain the idea of suppressing it. She knew how he felt about her, he’d made it perfectly clear with his best man speech, but she’d never heard the words spoken. She'd never heard it point blank like that.
Suddenly she noticed just how close they were standing. She could feel his hot breath rushing across her cheek, and with one quick glance up into his eyes she could see the desperation lurking there. She was tempted to go against everything she had planned and forgive him “Chuck...” she said huskily, unsure of what else she wanted to say.
Chuck could see her wavering again. He knew he had her in the palm of his hand. Inside, he was celebrating. He hadn’t been sure he could pull it off; he hadn't thought he could win Blair back, but it appeared that he had. He ignored the voice in his head, the one that sounded eerily like his father that made growing up and letting Blair change him sound so bad. Still, it seemed his self-destruct mode was still in control of his mouth because before he knew he said,” So, are you going to kiss me or should I just call a cab.”
Years from now, he knew he’d look back and be able to pinpoint this moment as the exact moment he knew he’d lost her, the only girl he’d ever really loved. The stinging pain across his cheek didn’t surprise him a bit, and further clarified what he’d already known; she was gone.
“Go home, Chuck.” she snarled before turning on her heel and storming back into the house. The loud slam of the door that rattled throughout the house and a startled screech from Cat were the only sounds Blair heard before she slumped pitifully against the door. Soon sobs were breaking free of her and she couldn’t control herself any longer.
She’d been so close to just forgiving him, so close to telling him that he wasn't the only one who was scared, that he wasn't alone, that she loved him too, and he had to go and ruin it by being “Chuck.” She wanted to scream at herself for being so stupid. She felt so weak crying again. She’d done plenty of that in Tuscany when she realized he wasn’t coming.
Chuck stood outside of the door, listening to her sob. He fought every impulse he had not to knock on the door once more, and finally decided to just listen to Blair. He pulled out his phone and dialed information for the number for a cab company. He heard Serena’s voice in his head, telling him Blair would be back in New York in a month. He’d try again then, and this time he’d bring flowers.
Pairing/Character: Blair, Chuck
Rating: PG/PG13
AN: A possible (and plausible) summer encounter in Paris. Takes place after 1x18 "Much I Do About Nothing"
“Transcontinental Apology Gone Wrong”
Ever since she decided to get involved with Chuck she'd been making plenty of mistakes. She thought now that she was done with him, she'd stop making them, but then there was a knock on the door and she had to go and open it.
Opening the door had been her biggest mistake since finally leaving Tuscany, since finally giving in and letting herself believe she could have a future with him. She’d left extensive instructions with the help that he wasn’t to be let in and she had to go and screw it all up herself. She should have walked away and left him standing on the doorstep when she saw him through the window, but she couldn't, so instead she took a deep breath and swung the door open quickly.
She stood there for a long moment not saying a word, just staring at him, her expression filled with despise. She couldn't decide if she was pleased he'd finally come to grovel or angry that he thought she'd ever forgive him. She was unsure of what to do as he looked at her expectantly, and then he spoke. Suddenly she wasn't so unsure anymore, suddenly she knew exactly what she wanted him to do; leave.
She shoved him hard off the doorstep and moved out after him. He took a few steps backwards, but she remained still in front of the door. She’d contemplated many scenarios in which she was forced to deal with him, and him randomly showing up in France hadn’t been one of them. She hadn’t believed he had the nerve. She should have known better.
She’d imagined all the things he would say, everything he’d try to win her back. She thought of every possible line he could use on her, memorized all her responses, but she wasn't prepared for the line she got. It had never even crossed her mind. She was dumbfounded and silent, two things she swore once she’d gotten her status back in New York that she would never be again.
“Excuse me?” she snapped harshly once she’d finally gotten her voice back. “What did you just say to me?” She hoped she’d heard him wrong. She didn’t want to believe that he’d actually say something like that to her after all the pain he’d caused her. Plus, she’d just paid a fortune for her manicure, and while the price didn’t matter to her in the slightest, she really didn’t want to ruin it slapping the hell out of Chuck.
He hadn’t intended to be so glib when she opened the door. He’d intended to go there with his bleeding heart in hand, beg for her forgiveness and plead his case. He'd spent most of the plane ride over planning out what he was going to say, but he hadn't anticipated losing it all the second he saw her.
Even furious, more so because she was furious, he thought she was beautiful. The fire in her eyes, the confident way she held herself, the curve of her jaw when her teeth clenched in anger, all made him stupid. Mind numbingly stupid. Which is the only excuse he could come up with for what he’d said.
If Nate had been standing there he'd have smacked Chuck on the back of the head, and Chuck wouldn't have blamed him. He sighed, angry at himself for being so stupid. He'd said the wrong thing, and known it the second it'd come out of his mouth and now he had to repeat it. If it had been anyone but Blair he could have ignored what he’d actually said and said something entirely different, but not Blair. She'd have seen right through it. She knew exactly what he'd said and he knew Blair expected him to repeat it verbatim. At this point lying would have been just stupid. “I said, ‘are you going to kiss me or should I just call a cab?’” he repeated slowly.
Blair nodded slightly and gaped at him in disbelief. “That’s what I thought you said,” she replied in a nearly inaudible but still intensely threatening tone they both knew only she was capable of. It was a tone that always seemed as if it was used solely for 'Chuck Bass' purposes. She fought the urge to turn around, reenter the chateau and slam the door in his face. She knew that if she did, she’d be a coward. He’d called her that too many times over the course of the last year, there was no way she was going to let him prove himself right. “Who do you think you are?” she snarled bitterly.
“I’m Chuck Bass,” he replied easily, smirking the entire time. What kind of question was that? he thought to himself. She knows perfectly well who I am, what I am.
Blair rolled her eyes in aggravation. She’d always known Chuck to be a cocky bastard, but up until this very moment she’d never really entertained the idea that he was also incredibly stupid. “You stood me up, you jerk!” she snapped emphatically, “You have absolutely no right to come here and insinuate that I should just forgive you.”
She was right. He knew that. He’d never actually expected her to. He just knew that he had to see her, no matter what the outcome was. He sighed tiredly and dropped his eyes to the ground, staring at the cobblestone for a long moment, contemplating what he should say. He knew what he wanted to say, but he knew himself well enough at this point to know that what he wanted to say was rarely ever the right thing to say.
“No response?” When he still didn’t say anything she rolled her eyes and turned around to go back inside.
“I’m here now aren’t I?” he asked gently, effectively halting her movements. His stomach flipped ferociously while waiting for her turn back around.
She shook her head angrily at him, pushing back the tears that were threatening to expose her as the heartbroken girl she really was. “Not good enough,” she glared icily. She didn’t want him to think that all it took was a trip to Paris and a few looks into his smoldering eyes to heal all the damage he’d inflicted. She turned back towards the door, her hand on the knob. She had to force herself to turn it, but he needn’t know that.
“Blair...” he said pleadingly. There was no doubt in his mind this would be the last time he saw her before she was back stateside, and he wasn’t about to let her leave just yet. At least not without hearing what he had to say.
Blair took in a shaky breath and turned back around. She sighed inwardly while outwardly seething before taking a few tentative steps towards him. She'd already heard enough to know this wasn't going to end well. “You should leave,” she ordered. “Security’s been given explicit instructions to remove you, by force if necessary, should you show up.”
Chuck glared at her angrily, incapable of coming up with a single line of thought that he could actually express verbally without being hit.
Blair smiled widely as she saw the anger pass over him. It felt good knowing that she had the power to hurt him. Especially considering how much he’d been hurting her since Thanksgiving. “Also, I’ve wrote Dorota and you should be receiving a package any day now of all your belongings. I have no use for the trinkets you’ve given me, nor any of the memories.” she said coldly.
He wanted to scream at her, in fact, it was taking everything he had in him not to. He knew what “trinkets” she was referring to, one of them including a very expensive necklace he’d bestowed upon her the night of her seventeenth birthday, a night her precious Nate had completely ignored. “What do you want from me, Blair?” he shouted angrily. She was intentionally hurting him, and he knew he deserved it, but that didn’t mean he was going to just roll over like a kicked puppy. He wasn’t Nate. He was sure that was the biggest problem to begin with.
Blair looked at him shocked. He wasn’t supposed to be the one shouting at her, he was the one who was here begging for forgiveness. She had done nothing wrong this time. She walked all the way over to him, stood within an inch of his face so that this time there was no mistaking her and finally spoke. “What I want is for you to get off my doorstep,” she replied calmly, while jabbing her finger into his chest painfully, “call your precious cab,” jab, “head back to the airport,” jab, “get on the first flight you can find out of Paris and back to New York,” jab, “and know the entire time that you did this to yourself, that you did this to us.”
Chuck saw her move to poke him once more and reached out for her. He latched onto her hand, making her jabbing finger ineffectual. He took is as a good sign that she didn’t lurch away from him immediately.
Blair sucked in a breath the instant she felt Chuck’s hand wrap around hers. She wanted to jerk away but found she was paralyzed. Moving seemed to be out of the question and she was starting to have a difficult time denying the shivers that ran down her spine at his touch.
She wanted nothing more for him to ignore her words, for him to do the exact opposite of everything she’d said. She wanted him to stay and fight for them, even if he was only fighting her. She looked up at him and locked her eyes onto his, trying to convey all of her confusing thoughts to him through a single look. Still, at the same time she was terrified that he would see right through her.
Chuck shivered at the intensity of her gaze. He could feel her wavering. He knew she didn’t mean anything she’d said, she was constantly testing him and this was no different. So he did exactly what he thought she would want; he made a move. He clutched tighter to the hand he was already holding and pulled her even closer to him before raising the other one to her neck. He ran his thumb across her cheek while caressing her neck lightly. He saw a flicker of pleasure in her eyes and smiled lovingly. He leaned in, mere centimeters between their lips. He was going to kiss her, he just hoped she'd let him.
Blair broke the spell he’d had her under by suddenly jerking her face from his hand. She stood still for a moment gathering her breath, trying to stop her pulse from racing. He'd been about to kiss her, and no matter how angry she was with him, she knew she'd have caved if she'd let him. Realizing he was still holding onto her hand, she snatched it away before shoving him as hard as she could. She watched him stumble slightly across the cobblestone driveway before regaining his balance and looking at her in confusion.
“Blair, what the hell...” he asked confused. She'd wanted him to kiss her, he could tell.
She shook her head furiously, the tears she’d been fighting back so intensely finally surfaced to slide down her cheek. “You did this to us, Chuck, not me,” she repeated.
“You think I don't know that?” he snapped bitterly. He knew exactly what he was doing when he failed to show up at the heliport. There wasn't a single part of him that didn't regret staying in his suite with the interior designer whose name he couldn't even remember now.
Blair ignored him. “You were the one who declared his love for me in the middle of your father’s wedding reception. You were the one who asked me to go to Tuscany for the summer. You were the one who didn’t show up for the helicopter.” Her words were coming quickly now, nearly bleeding together as tears stung her eyes violently and sobs threatened to silence her altogether.
Chuck looked back down at the ground shamefully. He loathed making her cry. It made him feel like shit, and she knew it. He wanted to say something, anything to make her stop but for the millionth time since he’d fallen in love with Blair Waldorf he found himself speechless. “Blair, look at me,” he said softly once he regained use of his voice. “I'm sorry I hurt you. I never meant...” he trailed off, not knowing what to say any longer.
Despite her better judgment she looked up at him. He'd known what he was doing when asking her to do so because one look at him and she knew how he felt. She’d always been able to read him better than anyone. He maintained eye contact with her for a brief moment before looking away, uncomfortable under her scrutiny.
Still, she couldn’t forgive and forget, not this time, not ever again. The damage had been done, and it was far too extensive for him to fix. Their romantic relationship was DOA before he had even gotten to France; and if he didn’t leave now their friendship, the one she hoped they’d eventually be able to get back, would be joining their relationship in the same shallow grave.
“You should go,” she repeated shakily before turning back and heading to the door. She wasted no time opening it and stepping inside, but was ultimately unable to close the door behind her. Instead she just stood there in silence, her back to his front. She knew there was more to be said, but was unsure of how to say it.
Chuck finally looked up from the ground and saw her standing in the foyer. She was perfectly still and that terrified Chuck. It meant she wasn’t done speaking and she didn’t want him to see her when she finally spoke again. He knew it meant he wasn't going to like what she had to say and she didn't want to witness his reaction. Finally, she spoke.
“I may have kissed you first. I may have started this whole mess. But you were the one who wanted more from me. You were the one who instigated our entire relationship. You weren’t supposed to break my heart.” she said sadly.
Chuck forced down an uncharacteristic desire to sob as he watched her hand reach up to wipe tears from her eyes. I shouldn't have come he thought to himself sadly. Serena had tried to warn him, she'd wanted him to wait. She kept reminding him that Blair would be in the Hamptons in about a month, but Chuck wouldn’t listen; he couldn’t listen. He truly felt that if he waited, Blair would never forgive him.
The only problem was he’d already waited too long, and it was more than obvious at this point that Blair wasn’t going to forgive him. He wasn’t even sure he blamed her. Still, he had to try, he had to tell her what he'd come to say. “I got scared,” he admitted sheepishly, uncomfortable with his vulnerability being so visible.
He wished she could understand what he'd been going through, and how badly what his father had said terrified him. As she turned around to face him once more but the glare he received from her was enough to let him know that even if she did understand, it hadn’t been the right thing to say.
She turned to look at him, gaping in shock. “You got scared!?” she yelled before stepping out the door once more. “You got scared!?” she repeated angrily.
The look on her face indicated that she thought he was incapable of such an emotion. Finally, he'd had enough, he was tired of letting her have complete control over this “reunion”. He glared right back at her and took a few steps towards her, the space between them becoming smaller and smaller. “Yes!” he snapped, “I got scared!”
“What could you possibly have been so scared of?” she asked incredulously.
Chuck's jaw dropped in shock. “You're kidding.”
Blair shook her head. “No, I'm really not.” she deadpanned.
Chuck shook his head. “I never thought you were dense.”
Blair squinted in disbelief. “You don't actually think that insulting me is going to help you win me back.”
“I've been terrified from the moment you kissed me, Blair. I wanted you too much, and I knew that as soon as Nate wanted you back, I'd lose you. And you proved that to me over and over again.”
“I have no interest in getting back together with Nate, and you knew that,” she said defensively although it was obvious he wasn't really listening to her.
“I told you at the wedding I wanted to take things slow. I didn’t want to rush things between us again, and the next thing I know we’re planning a summer abroad...”
“That wasn’t my idea!” she interrupted. “You asked me to come with you!”
Chuck shook his head slightly. “I know that I asked you!” he yelled, still taking steps towards her “I know this is all my fault.”
“Then why are you yelling at me?” she demanded.
Chuck’s feet continued moving towards her until he was standing directly in front of her once again. He knew he was risking bodily harm standing so close to her again, but he didn't care. If he got Blair back it would be worth it. “I’m yelling because I want another chance,” he said point blank.
Blair shook her head adamantly. “Since when does yelling earn you a second chance and what in the hell makes you think you deserve another chance to begin with?”
“Because I love you.” he said softly.
A gasp slipped past her lips before she could even entertain the idea of suppressing it. She knew how he felt about her, he’d made it perfectly clear with his best man speech, but she’d never heard the words spoken. She'd never heard it point blank like that.
Suddenly she noticed just how close they were standing. She could feel his hot breath rushing across her cheek, and with one quick glance up into his eyes she could see the desperation lurking there. She was tempted to go against everything she had planned and forgive him “Chuck...” she said huskily, unsure of what else she wanted to say.
Chuck could see her wavering again. He knew he had her in the palm of his hand. Inside, he was celebrating. He hadn’t been sure he could pull it off; he hadn't thought he could win Blair back, but it appeared that he had. He ignored the voice in his head, the one that sounded eerily like his father that made growing up and letting Blair change him sound so bad. Still, it seemed his self-destruct mode was still in control of his mouth because before he knew he said,” So, are you going to kiss me or should I just call a cab.”
Years from now, he knew he’d look back and be able to pinpoint this moment as the exact moment he knew he’d lost her, the only girl he’d ever really loved. The stinging pain across his cheek didn’t surprise him a bit, and further clarified what he’d already known; she was gone.
“Go home, Chuck.” she snarled before turning on her heel and storming back into the house. The loud slam of the door that rattled throughout the house and a startled screech from Cat were the only sounds Blair heard before she slumped pitifully against the door. Soon sobs were breaking free of her and she couldn’t control herself any longer.
She’d been so close to just forgiving him, so close to telling him that he wasn't the only one who was scared, that he wasn't alone, that she loved him too, and he had to go and ruin it by being “Chuck.” She wanted to scream at herself for being so stupid. She felt so weak crying again. She’d done plenty of that in Tuscany when she realized he wasn’t coming.
Chuck stood outside of the door, listening to her sob. He fought every impulse he had not to knock on the door once more, and finally decided to just listen to Blair. He pulled out his phone and dialed information for the number for a cab company. He heard Serena’s voice in his head, telling him Blair would be back in New York in a month. He’d try again then, and this time he’d bring flowers.