Desire Defying Destiny
Desire Defying Destiny
Pairing: Chuck/Blair
Spoilers: Everything up to "A Thin Line Between Chuck and Nate" after that I’m clueless. Spoiler-free and happy that way.
Summary: Blair deals with the aftermath of her actions. Follows 1x13 A Thin Line Between Chuck and Nate...
Chapter One: "No One Likes A Moping Waldorf."
The Van der Woodsen suite was almost as depressing as the Waldorf home. Serena and her optimistic happiness had always managed to make the impersonal suite seem so bright and warm that it felt more like a home and not a hotel room. It was clear that as her disposition went from happy to miserable--- so had the entire feel of the room. Not to mention, Chuck was surely fueling some of the misery the hotel suite held.
Serena had spent the entire day before with Blair, trying to coax her into leaving the room. When she was unsuccessful she came home clearly agitated and chastised Chuck for his role in Blair's downfall. As Serena yelled, Dan sat watching and waiting for a vindictive Chuck to start screaming. He knew Serena could take care of herself but he would be there, ready to jump in and defend her if it became necessary. He was shocked to see Chuck simply stand there and take the harsh tongue lashing before merely shutting the door in Serena's face.
Knowing Serena was no longer in the mood for a date, Dan agreed to meet her back at the suite for breakfast. When he arrived the next morning, he didn’t see Chuck. It almost seemed as if he were hiding from Serena. Dan had to admit that if she had spoken to him the way she had to Chuck he would be hiding as well.
As Serena continued to pace in front of her breakfast, he realized he had never before seen her quite this worried. He was trying to be supportive, but at this point he wasn't sure he was helping. He didn't know Blair very well, and even though he had been able to help Blair the last time he had seen her break down, he didn't know what to do here. He was certain he wasn't the best person for Serena to go to for guidance. The only problem was he was sure the one person who could really help Blair was locked behind a door in the Van der Woodsen suite refusing to come out.
Serena was tired of watching her best friend mope. Especially since it was becoming more and more obvious she was moping over Chuck Bass. When Blair had finally admitted the things Chuck had said to her the week before, Serena literally saw red. She had hoped that screaming at Chuck when she got home would make her feel better, but it hadn't. It had the opposite effect, she officially felt worse.
"I can't take it anymore." she snapped suddenly ending her rant on Chuck and Blair. She sat down next to Dan and laid her head on his shoulder. "She's my best friend, and I keep trying, but I can't help her."
Dan sighed sadly and rubbed her back soothingly. He knew she was waiting for him to impart some wisdom, something that would fix everything but all he had to offer her was simplicity. "She'll get better. She just needs time Serena. You just have to give her time."
Serena looked at Dan closely. "Since when did you become an expert on Blair Waldorf?"
Dan smiled. "I’m not. I just think... it’s only been a week Serena. She had her entire life ripped away from her. She’s not as strong as you. She can’t just say ‘The hell with it’ like you do."
"I know but..."
"You don’t care what people think about you. She does. She always has."
Serena nodded. She knew Dan was right. "I just wish..." she trailed off. She knew it was useless to wish things were different because it wasn’t going to make things better. Changing directions she asked, "Have you talked to Jenny?"
Dan sighed. "No. I don’t know what’s gotten into her."
Serena rolled her eyes. "I do," then at Dan’s expectant look she supplied only one word... "Nate."
"Have you talked to him?" he asked curiously. From what he knew of the situation, Nate had no right to be acting the way he was. He knew that Serena had been keeping her distance out of respect for Blair’s feelings, but that she was desperately waiting for a moment where she could really tell him what she thought.
Serena shook her head. "You mean since Gossip Girl spotted him holding hands with Jenny and strolling trough Central Park?... No." she answered bitterly.
Dan nodded. "I don’t even know who she is anymore. I would have never thought her capable of doing what she did."
Serena shakes her head sadly. "Me either."
xoxo_xoxo_xoxo
Chuck still didn’t understand why they had to move into the Van der Woodsen’s suite when they had a perfectly good one where they were, but his dad looked happy and that was good enough for him. He had learned at a very early age that no one was happy if Bart Bass wasn’t. He knew avoiding Blair would become more difficult now that he and his dad had moved into Serena’s suite.
Thankfully, he was sure that Blair would insist Serena come over to her place so that she wouldn’t have to be near him. She probably wouldn’t come over to the new Van der Bass suite much at all. Still, Serena would eventually get her way. Then Blair would be there, at the suite in the same room as him and he didn’t know what he was going to do. He figured there was no way he was going to win this one.
Knowing Serena, she wouldn’t even have the decency to warn him. It would be her way of getting back at him for almost sending Blair off to Paris with her tail tucked between her legs.
Still, moving into the Van der Woodsen suit did have it’s advantages.
If he had not moved in, he wouldn’t be standing here around the corner stealthily eavesdropping on Serena and Brooklyn, as Blair dubbed him. Despite the things he had said to her that night in the bar, he couldn’t help but worry about her.
Serena sounded so concerned the night before when she was screaming at him. She had wasted no time in reminding him just how vengeful and selfish she really thought he was. She had made sure to point out that Blair had made the right choice choosing Nate over him. Serena knew how to make it hurt, and she pulled no punches. He was sure he hadn’t been able to mask the pain that jab had caused.
He had wanted to scream at her, remind her that Blair had caused all of this, but he didn’t have it in him. She was yelling about Blair losing everything and ignoring the fact that so had he. For as long as he could remember, all he really had was Nate. It hadn’t taken long for Blair to claim a spot of her own in his world, and eventually he had come to count on Serena, but when asked who his best friend was there had never been any question, the answer had always been Nate.
Now Nate wasn’t talking to him, which had never happened before, and he had given up Blair. It was a feat that had been more difficult than he anticipated and left him just as miserable as she was. He was just better at hiding it. He had felt justified in what he had said to Blair. After all, she had cost him the only thing he ever really cared about.
Nevertheless, listening to Serena now, ranting over her breakfast, he felt like a jerk. It was barely after ten and already for the forty ninth time today, he wished he could just go to Blair and talk to her--- tell her how sorry he really was. He wanted to tell her he didn’t mean it, that he simply wanted exactly what she wanted, for things to go back to normal. Even if he didn’t know what normal meant anymore.
However, his temper and his pride had taken over and before he knew it, he was comparing her to his father’s Arabian horse. He shuddered grimly recalling the look on her face as his words ‘rode hard and put away wet’ repeated callously in his mind.
He hated listening to Serena’s low-rent boyfriend spout of insight on Blair Waldorf as if having one meaningful conversation with her months ago was enough to make him "know" her. Not when he had more meaningful conversations with her than anyone, and he still wasn’t sure he "knew" her.
Chuck knew Dan was wrong. She was stronger than Serena. She proved that by not getting on that helicopter and leaving for France. Blair was in no way weak. She was stronger than anyone ever gave her credit for.
His blood boiled when Jenny and Nate were mentioned. Serena had wasted no time departing with the knowledge that Jenny had been the one to tell Nate about him and Blair. He couldn’t believe that Jenny had the nerve to traipse around town holding hands with Nate like she had done nothing wrong. Like she hadn’t had to betray and scheme her way into his arms. He hated even more that when the picture of them in Central Park had surfaced on the Gossip Girl web page, his first thoughts were of Blair and how horrible she must feel about it.
He sighed sadly as he watched them go. Dan had run off to meet with Vanessa, a girl he knew simply because she had at one time possessed video proof of his affair with Blair. Serena had left to meet with Blair in yet another attempt to extricate her from her room. He could tell that when she left she held no actual hope that it would actually work.
Now that they were gone, he came out from his spot and sat numbly on the couch the two lovebirds had just vacated. He sighed as he realized that he had no plans for the day and settled back into his thoughts of Blair.
It occurred to Chuck that the thing that bothered him most was that Blair hadn’t even lifted a finger in retaliation yet. Retaliation was something the princess did well. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t scared by the knowledge he was also on her list. When Blair Waldorf finally decided it was time to play, all hell was going to break loose. He had a feeling that little Jenny Humphrey would be the first to pay followed closely by himself.
xoxo_xoxo_xoxo
When Serena arrived at Blair’s, she wasn’t surprised when Dorota told her Blair was still upstairs. She headed up them quickly and didn’t bother knocking when she got to Blair’s bedroom door. After opening it and seeing Blair sprawled out on her bed, not sleeping but just laying there as if there was no reason to get up anymore, she was once again filled with hatred for Chuck.
She knew Blair knew she was there, even if Blair hadn’t made a move to acknowledge her presence. "Blair?" she said softly. When she was offered nothing more than an upward glace in her direction, she tried again. "You want to go lunch?" She knew she had just come from breakfast; but, she hadn’t really eaten and she was hungry.
"No." Blair said simply.
Serena moved across the room and sat on Blair’s bed next to her. "Come on, B. You have to eat."
Blair shrugged. "Why?"
"Because you’re skinny enough already." Serena pointed out.
Blair rolled over so that she was facing away from Serena and buried herself in her comforter. "Dorota will bring me something later." She said passively.
Serena sighed and yanked Blair’s blanket down past her thighs. "Get up, get dressed, we’re going to lunch."
Blair sat up and reached for her blanket prepared to pull it back over herself.
Serena reached out and still Blair’s movements. "Blair, come on... it’s just lunch." Serena pleaded.
Blair shook her head and threw her blanket back over her head. "I don’t want to go, Serena."
Serena’s stubbornness refused to give up. "Why not?" she demanded before yanking the covers off of her head again.
Blair shot her a glare filled with agitation. "Are you kidding me? I don’t want to be gawked at like a circus freak today, like I have been for the last six."
"B, people are going to keep gawking as long as you keep hiding." Serena tried to reason.
"I’m not hiding." she said indignantly and replacing the blanket over her head once more
"You’re hiding from me, right now." she snapped." And whether you want to admit it or not, you’re hiding from everyone else too. And when you’re not hiding you’re moping. Nobody likes a moping Waldorf." she stressed trying to reach Blair through the blanket
"I’m not hiding and I’m not moping either. And even if I was, I’d have a right to. I was publicly humiliated." she snapped venomously from under the blanket
"I know but..."
"But nothing, Serena."
"It’s just lunch with me..."
"And Dan. With you and Dan right?" she said, "Because honestly, Serena, why would you think I’m up for being a third wheel?"
"No, just me. Dan has plans with Vanessa." Serena guaranteed.
Blair finally removed the covers on her own and sat up so that she could see Serena. "How can you be ok with that?" she asked inquisitively.
Serena shrugged. "I trust him. Dan is..."
"Yeah, yeah. I get it Brooklyn’s loyal." she snapped bitterly. Nate had never been loyal, not once had he ever put her first. And as far as Chuck went, he was only loyal to himself. "But Vanessa..." she added looking down at her hands, her fingers anxiously fiddling with themselves.
"What about Vanessa?"
"I think we’ve all learned by now that boys and girls can not be friends." She said refusing to look back up and meet with Serena’s eyes, "And if we hadn’t, we should have."
Serena sat silently watching her friend. "That’s not true..."
Blair nodded slowly still unable to meet Serena’s eyes. "Just look at you and Nate. You were friends since kindergarten and he was in love with you the entire time. I was his girlfriend, but as far as he was concerned you, his friend, always came first."
"He loved you, Blair." She said reassuringly.
"Not nearly as much as he loved you." she said looking up and locking eyes with her only too look back down again when she saw pity in Serena’s eyes. "And then as if that’s not enough proof, there’s me and Chuck. We’ve been friends for as long as I can remember and now...now we’re nothing. Because we were stupid and we let our hormones and our... feelings get in the way. Girls can not be friends with boys. I’d nip this Vanessa thing in the bud now if I were you."
From the moment she had found out about Blair and Chuck, she has always assumed that the whole thing was purely physical. It wasn’t until later that Serena realized she had been wrong. Even though Chuck was nothing more than a walking hormone he never would have risked Nate for something casual. Blair had obviously had feelings for Chuck, but it wasn’t until this moment that Serena entertained the idea that those feelings might have been more serious that she had previous imagined them to be. She looked at Blair’s face full of sadness and frowning and knew she had to ask her a serious question. "Are you in love with Chuck?"
Blair’s eyes widened briefly, a flick of something she could only describe as terror ran through her body. She didn’t want to talk about this. She wasn’t in love with Chuck. She couldn’t be. She refused to allow herself to feel those kinds of feelings when she was with him. Blair sighed tiredly before looking back up at Serena’s expectant face. "If I agree to go to lunch, can we stop talking about this? Because honestly I will do anything other than talk about this any longer."
Acknowledging Blair’s attempt to change the subject by giving in to what Serena had ultimately wanted to begin with, she nodded absently. Just because she dropped it now didn’t mean she couldn’t bring it back up later. Happy that Blair was finally going to leave the confines of her room, a place she hadn’t left in six days, she smiled brightly. "Sure. Get dressed I’ll meet you downstairs."
Blair nodded. "Fine."
Serena stood up and walked to the door. "Oh and do me a favor."
Blair sighed in exasperation. "What now, S?"
"Leave the moping upstairs." she said sweetly before leaving the room.
Blair reluctantly got out of bed and moved towards her closet. "I’m not moping." she said defensively to no one.
xoxo_xoxo_xoxo
Spotted: B finally leaving her apartment with S after six days of exile. I’m sure she’s hoping people will "Forgive and Forget"... Sorry B. You of all people should know that old adage doesn’t apply to us Upper East Siders. Probably should have just stayed home. It’s safer there. You know you love me. XOXO. Gossip Girl