(Second Chance) LJI 03: ... and Bears, Oh My!
I had a car accident once because of a bear. I was driving around a twisty mountain road in North Georgia. The sun was setting in my eyes, causing a bit of a glare. The music on the radio was loud and rocking. My own voice, unmelodic and out of tune, but enthusiastic all the same, probably mixed in with the radio in a fairly cheerful discordance.
I will never forget what happened next. I rounded a corner and saw an honest to God frigging bear poised on the side of the road, standing on two feet, and by all appearances, roaring at the road. As I was the only car on the road, I could only assume that bear was plotting my immediate decapitation, once he’d torn his way through the roof of my car, after chasing me down like a mutant bear with the ability to run after me at about 65 mph.
(Point of Interest: The fastest bear is the Black Bear, followed by the Brown Bear, and the Polar Bear. In short, the larger the bear the slower it is. Keep in mind that even the slowest bear can still move it out at about 30 mph. The Brown Bear can run approximately 40 mph. Bears can even run sideways; still beating the fastest human runner. Knowledge courtesy of the internet.)
I promptly drove off the road, down a ditch, over a hill and into a bush. At this point, my freak out turned into flat out hysterics, because… HELLO. BEAR!!!
(Now, I am not consciously afraid of bears; but, they are second only to tornadoes as my most common recurring nightmare. I believe this means my subconscious is terrified of bears.)
After hyperventilating for a moment, I realized that I was not the sort of woman who refused to watch death coming. I turned to face my imminent doom head-on. Instead of gaping jaws, and immense paws tearing at my window, I saw… the back of the bear. It hadn’t moved.
At all.
The g******* bear hadn’t moved one f****** inch.
NOT ONE F****** INCH.
BECAUSE IT WAS STUFFED.
Cue the emotional kaleidoscope: relief, euphoria, terror, horror, embarrassment, and rage. Oh, the rage. What sort of sick freak would do that?
(It still took me about 10 minutes to get the guts up to get out of the car and check out the damage, and I kept staring at the bear out of a continuing fear it might revive itself when I wasn’t looking and gut me like a fish.)
The car was battered, but not destroyed. The worst part wasn’t any physical damage, but the emotional turmoil that came from both the bear and the wreck. Slowly, but surely, I got my car out of the bush, backed onto the now pitch dark road, and went about my way.
At the time, I didn’t find this story funny. Now, I still don’t find this story so funny, but I do find it rather revealing.
Step one: Be moving along rather routinely.
Step two: See something that at first glance seems alarming.
Step three: Have catastrophic reaction.
Step four: Emotional kaledisescope, with the focus on the rage.
Step five: Pick up pieces and move on.
I don’t think I’m alone in this. Most of the friends and family I have react the same way. And you know what?
It’s exhausting.
The bear, unliving as it were, wasn’t so terrifying after all. Of course, my subconscious may never find bears not triggering, but I hope to never crash my car over a false alarm again. So, I ask myself one question: how can I avoid doing that again?
Other than the obvious - avoid driving through Deliverance-land again - I will try and check my initial panic and give the things that scare me a second look. Next time, maybe I can drive on by the bear with a cheery wave and a smug laugh.
Or, more likely, I will end up in a ditch again. Only next time, I’m tracking down the morons who thought that was a good joke and beating them to death with my tire iron. Laugh at that, assholes. Laugh at that.
This entry was written for Second Chance Idol Topic 3: Second Look at therealljidol. I assume voting will take place later this week. I encourage everyone to check out the game for some really incredible writing.
I will never forget what happened next. I rounded a corner and saw an honest to God frigging bear poised on the side of the road, standing on two feet, and by all appearances, roaring at the road. As I was the only car on the road, I could only assume that bear was plotting my immediate decapitation, once he’d torn his way through the roof of my car, after chasing me down like a mutant bear with the ability to run after me at about 65 mph.
(Point of Interest: The fastest bear is the Black Bear, followed by the Brown Bear, and the Polar Bear. In short, the larger the bear the slower it is. Keep in mind that even the slowest bear can still move it out at about 30 mph. The Brown Bear can run approximately 40 mph. Bears can even run sideways; still beating the fastest human runner. Knowledge courtesy of the internet.)
I promptly drove off the road, down a ditch, over a hill and into a bush. At this point, my freak out turned into flat out hysterics, because… HELLO. BEAR!!!
(Now, I am not consciously afraid of bears; but, they are second only to tornadoes as my most common recurring nightmare. I believe this means my subconscious is terrified of bears.)
After hyperventilating for a moment, I realized that I was not the sort of woman who refused to watch death coming. I turned to face my imminent doom head-on. Instead of gaping jaws, and immense paws tearing at my window, I saw… the back of the bear. It hadn’t moved.
At all.
The g******* bear hadn’t moved one f****** inch.
NOT ONE F****** INCH.
BECAUSE IT WAS STUFFED.
Cue the emotional kaleidoscope: relief, euphoria, terror, horror, embarrassment, and rage. Oh, the rage. What sort of sick freak would do that?
(It still took me about 10 minutes to get the guts up to get out of the car and check out the damage, and I kept staring at the bear out of a continuing fear it might revive itself when I wasn’t looking and gut me like a fish.)
The car was battered, but not destroyed. The worst part wasn’t any physical damage, but the emotional turmoil that came from both the bear and the wreck. Slowly, but surely, I got my car out of the bush, backed onto the now pitch dark road, and went about my way.
At the time, I didn’t find this story funny. Now, I still don’t find this story so funny, but I do find it rather revealing.
Step one: Be moving along rather routinely.
Step two: See something that at first glance seems alarming.
Step three: Have catastrophic reaction.
Step four: Emotional kaledisescope, with the focus on the rage.
Step five: Pick up pieces and move on.
I don’t think I’m alone in this. Most of the friends and family I have react the same way. And you know what?
It’s exhausting.
The bear, unliving as it were, wasn’t so terrifying after all. Of course, my subconscious may never find bears not triggering, but I hope to never crash my car over a false alarm again. So, I ask myself one question: how can I avoid doing that again?
Other than the obvious - avoid driving through Deliverance-land again - I will try and check my initial panic and give the things that scare me a second look. Next time, maybe I can drive on by the bear with a cheery wave and a smug laugh.
Or, more likely, I will end up in a ditch again. Only next time, I’m tracking down the morons who thought that was a good joke and beating them to death with my tire iron. Laugh at that, assholes. Laugh at that.
This entry was written for Second Chance Idol Topic 3: Second Look at therealljidol. I assume voting will take place later this week. I encourage everyone to check out the game for some really incredible writing.