Introduction
I have been teaching for a very long time, and have been listening for even longer. This place is a hive of loose tongues and idle gossip, ignorance obviously as rampant in these matters as it is in everything else.
Therefore, it does not surprise me that there have been a few misconceptions formed about me. I would not deign to theorize why I am of interest at all, but as it appears I am I certainly would not have expected any of these people to get it right.
I am not a vampire. I prefer the dungeons because the students do not. I wear black because my boots always match my robes. I do not care for the taste of blood, particularly if it is my own. And if I was immortal I certainly would not have doomed myself to teach a bunch of idiots for all of eternity. This may be my favorite rumor, however... I am almost impressed by its originality - but the students unfortunately already had their shot with a Dark Creature for a professor, and as he almost ate several of them he is no longer on the staff.
I am not a lonely man looking for love. Please.
Along those lines, here is a list of feelings that I do not have for Harry Potter: love, lust, fondness, anything paternal, sympathy, pity, tolerance. Here is a list of feelings I do have: loathing, mistrust, bitterness, perpetual irritation.
I am not an attractive man. I have a big nose and greasy hair. I understand that some of you find something intriguing in my voice; I'm afraid this cannot be helped. The best I can do is use it to tell you what a moron you are.
There are no shackles in the dungeon. And even if there were, they would not be employed in any sort of sexual activity.
I could make a list of people with whom I have never had any sort of sexual/romantic relationship, but I'll just make it easy for you: if you think I have, I haven't.
I do not like you. I assure you that this is probably the case no matter who may be reading this. There are very few people in the world for which I have respect, and I wouldn't particularly say that I like them.
Now, feel free to continue to weave stories about me as you see fit. They occasionally amuse me.
Therefore, it does not surprise me that there have been a few misconceptions formed about me. I would not deign to theorize why I am of interest at all, but as it appears I am I certainly would not have expected any of these people to get it right.
I am not a vampire. I prefer the dungeons because the students do not. I wear black because my boots always match my robes. I do not care for the taste of blood, particularly if it is my own. And if I was immortal I certainly would not have doomed myself to teach a bunch of idiots for all of eternity. This may be my favorite rumor, however... I am almost impressed by its originality - but the students unfortunately already had their shot with a Dark Creature for a professor, and as he almost ate several of them he is no longer on the staff.
I am not a lonely man looking for love. Please.
Along those lines, here is a list of feelings that I do not have for Harry Potter: love, lust, fondness, anything paternal, sympathy, pity, tolerance. Here is a list of feelings I do have: loathing, mistrust, bitterness, perpetual irritation.
I am not an attractive man. I have a big nose and greasy hair. I understand that some of you find something intriguing in my voice; I'm afraid this cannot be helped. The best I can do is use it to tell you what a moron you are.
There are no shackles in the dungeon. And even if there were, they would not be employed in any sort of sexual activity.
I could make a list of people with whom I have never had any sort of sexual/romantic relationship, but I'll just make it easy for you: if you think I have, I haven't.
I do not like you. I assure you that this is probably the case no matter who may be reading this. There are very few people in the world for which I have respect, and I wouldn't particularly say that I like them.
Now, feel free to continue to weave stories about me as you see fit. They occasionally amuse me.