there are times when i just really hate how defensive everyone is.
it's as though nobody believes in helping their fellow man.
i care about everyone.
or at least i did.
and i got fucked.
people thought/think i'm some weirdo trying to be their best friends.
chances are if you're so fucking freaked out by an offer of kindness, stay away from me.
i just think it's nice to be nice.
on a better subject-
kristina called me a verbal prostitute.
moving ben down here was a mistake. he's miserable and after our fight last night...i just feel so livid, i can't really breathe. i just want to beat the shit out of him.
i cried, alot, for a really long time.
now i have no job, and i need to find somewhere to live for $500 a month near ventura. jesus.
that's like finding mecca. not going to happen.
i also need to figure out how i'm going to live.
you know. gas, food...gas...i think food i can go without, but transportation is harder.
i was so upset i just drove for along time.
talked to tyler and kayli and they cheered me up some.
another friend completely made my night so much better, but a slightly disheartening morning.
so close. so very close. hahahahahah.
chris and i were together almost all day today, and it was really nice. i feel very close to him. my first new friend. we went out to coffee and walked around telephone.
got home, ben was here, i tried as much as possible to not talk to him.
my camera is here, but i forgot a compact flash card, so i have to buy one either tonight or tomorrow.
tomorrow.
also stabbed myself in the hand and it hurts pretty bad. it's small, but feels deep. ack.
now i'm going to go snort coke instead of eating, cause that's what the cool kids do.
i care about everyone.
or at least i did.
and i got fucked.
people thought/think i'm some weirdo trying to be their best friends.
chances are if you're so fucking freaked out by an offer of kindness, stay away from me.
i just think it's nice to be nice.
on a better subject-
kristina called me a verbal prostitute.
moving ben down here was a mistake. he's miserable and after our fight last night...i just feel so livid, i can't really breathe. i just want to beat the shit out of him.
i cried, alot, for a really long time.
now i have no job, and i need to find somewhere to live for $500 a month near ventura. jesus.
that's like finding mecca. not going to happen.
i also need to figure out how i'm going to live.
you know. gas, food...gas...i think food i can go without, but transportation is harder.
i was so upset i just drove for along time.
talked to tyler and kayli and they cheered me up some.
another friend completely made my night so much better, but a slightly disheartening morning.
so close. so very close. hahahahahah.
chris and i were together almost all day today, and it was really nice. i feel very close to him. my first new friend. we went out to coffee and walked around telephone.
got home, ben was here, i tried as much as possible to not talk to him.
my camera is here, but i forgot a compact flash card, so i have to buy one either tonight or tomorrow.
tomorrow.
also stabbed myself in the hand and it hurts pretty bad. it's small, but feels deep. ack.
now i'm going to go snort coke instead of eating, cause that's what the cool kids do.