(no subject)
Raf and I have been passing back a cold for two weeks now. We wake up and sit in bed, sipping our coffee and coughing up our lungs. It's super cute.
We started moving in yesterday and everyone but me almost broke their backs trying to lug our new red velvet sofa up three flights of stairs. I directed the fiasco and held the legs of the sofa. We have a lot of stuff moved in and there's two more weekends, but the anxiety of change is already heavy inside me. As excited as I am to be living with Raf and my classes semester I think I will always be uneasy of change and allow that uneasiness to weigh me down.
My mom's new thing is accusing me of anorexia and telling me not to lose anymore weight. It makes me laugh because this entire summer I have eaten ice cream and cakes and essentially not restricted myself whatsoever in terms of my diet and it is only through virtue of my gym going that I've lost 13 pounds since I left UMASS. I understand her fears, but I've never expressed a desire to be tiny, just healthy and comfortable in my skin.
Last night Ceci and I tried to help name Anna Gayer's kitten and watched TAQ's last gig of the summer. The lights outside the Nimrod made me happy and so did seeing Kirsten Quinn and going to Brendan's with Amato afterward. I got back to Raf's late, drunk off like one beer, and watched Die Hard because I really wasn't tired at all.
What didn't make me happy last night was Kirsten mentioning that some girl from Bishop Stang referred to me as "the girl who fucked up Jack Hanson bad". I don't want to be that girl. I was trying to explain to Kirsten just how guilty and sick it makes me to see Jack now. How badly I want to apologize for all my wrongdoing and stupidity. My skin crawls from it and I wake up with my muscles aching when the memories get the worst.
Today I cleaned my room for the first time in a year and realized I have a surplus of clothes that fit once again. Being a pack rat has won out in my favor for once.
I need to take at least a month long break from smoking weed. It makes me feel stupid and sluggish and probably isn't helping my goal of eating better.
My last day on Cape in August 31st. Get at me before that.
We started moving in yesterday and everyone but me almost broke their backs trying to lug our new red velvet sofa up three flights of stairs. I directed the fiasco and held the legs of the sofa. We have a lot of stuff moved in and there's two more weekends, but the anxiety of change is already heavy inside me. As excited as I am to be living with Raf and my classes semester I think I will always be uneasy of change and allow that uneasiness to weigh me down.
My mom's new thing is accusing me of anorexia and telling me not to lose anymore weight. It makes me laugh because this entire summer I have eaten ice cream and cakes and essentially not restricted myself whatsoever in terms of my diet and it is only through virtue of my gym going that I've lost 13 pounds since I left UMASS. I understand her fears, but I've never expressed a desire to be tiny, just healthy and comfortable in my skin.
Last night Ceci and I tried to help name Anna Gayer's kitten and watched TAQ's last gig of the summer. The lights outside the Nimrod made me happy and so did seeing Kirsten Quinn and going to Brendan's with Amato afterward. I got back to Raf's late, drunk off like one beer, and watched Die Hard because I really wasn't tired at all.
What didn't make me happy last night was Kirsten mentioning that some girl from Bishop Stang referred to me as "the girl who fucked up Jack Hanson bad". I don't want to be that girl. I was trying to explain to Kirsten just how guilty and sick it makes me to see Jack now. How badly I want to apologize for all my wrongdoing and stupidity. My skin crawls from it and I wake up with my muscles aching when the memories get the worst.
Today I cleaned my room for the first time in a year and realized I have a surplus of clothes that fit once again. Being a pack rat has won out in my favor for once.
I need to take at least a month long break from smoking weed. It makes me feel stupid and sluggish and probably isn't helping my goal of eating better.
My last day on Cape in August 31st. Get at me before that.